defeat and Victory.

So today I awoke with Joy. I know I always have joy in being a follower of Christ, but today I really felt it. It was going to be a good day. I had the illusion of having it all "under control." That's usually how it starts. I have to admit I'm sort of putting myself out there to talk about this. I definitely feel it's a pretty raw & honest subject. But something told me this morning that I should share these struggles.

I'm talking about my cycle of defeat. I believe there is an enemy in this world. The enemy. One who knows who God is and wants to do everything he can to thwart his plans and turn his people from truth to deceit. He's cunning. In this cycle I speak of for my life, it often goes from me thinking things are going great, which is a good thing, a blessing from God...and then the enemy tries to twist it just a little, just so I think that I have something to do with things going well...that I have control...giving myself the glory...it's called pride. Usually when a sentence has quite a few "I's" or "me's" in it in my head, it indicates some sort of pride for me.

So I go from blessing to pride to seeking perfection to perfection being destroyed (enter in a child who so easily--and somewhat innocently--can dash our "perfect" hopes), then I might get angry at said person, then I feel guilty, then I can place blame on pretty much anything other than myself, then I feel more guilty...then comes the depressed feelings--I think I am a horrible person, mom, wife, friend, blah, blah, blah. Then I am defeated!!!! It's a vicious cycle.

Then comes grace. Last spring our women's group at church did a bible study called "Believing God" by Beth Moore. It was awesome and life-changing. I recall many things from that study often, and coin the phrase "I'm believing God" in my head and heart frequently when Satan tries to attack. This cycle I'm talking about actually came out on paper in that study when she asked us to map out what that looked like in our lives. I believe everyone has some cycle of defeat. It may not look the same as someone else's, but the enemy knows the ways to get to us & try to draw us away from truth.

The truth is the victory is already won!!! When we believe God, we can turn our defeated cycle into a victorious one. When I have a morning like I did today, that looks something like this:

The depressed feelings come. I don't really feel like praying; I don't even feel like I'm worthy of talking to God sometimes at that point. Why wouldn't he just give up on me by now? I don't learn. I keep messing up. But wait! He created me. I am fearfully & wonderfully made. He has great plans for my life. He works all things together for good. He who began this good work will carry it on to completion. The victory is in Him. The devil has no power over Jesus. "In this world we will have trouble, but take heart! I [Jesus] have overcome the world." (John 16:33)


In this house there is a lot of talk of swords & fighting, as you can imagine. One thing I want to instill in these boys is that this instinct of life being a "fight" is absolutely true in a spiritual sense. We can choose to let defeat overcome us, or we can claim victory in the Lord & wield our "sword of the spirit" against the evil one. We cannot do this on our own. Despite our best efforts, trying to pull ourselves out of the pit just never really works. Our sword is God's word. (Ephesians 6) It is powerful. Our shield is our faith. He will not fail us. BELIEVE Him! (preaching to myself)


So that's what I do when that cycle creeps in. I will repeat again: I cannot do this on my own! I have to pray. I have to turn toward Truth! Many times I have had to have my husband or a friend point me to it. I thank God that he uses them to do that. And sometimes I have just said out loud, "Devil flee!! You have no place here. In the name of Jesus." I know to some that may sound hokey, but I'm telling you I have seen it work!!! There is power in the name of our Lord.


What is your cycle of defeat? How do you change that cycle? I pray that somehow you are blessed this day in knowing you are not alone if you do struggle like this. There is Victory. There is Grace. Praise Him.