defeat and Victory.

So today I awoke with Joy. I know I always have joy in being a follower of Christ, but today I really felt it. It was going to be a good day. I had the illusion of having it all "under control." That's usually how it starts. I have to admit I'm sort of putting myself out there to talk about this. I definitely feel it's a pretty raw & honest subject. But something told me this morning that I should share these struggles.

I'm talking about my cycle of defeat. I believe there is an enemy in this world. The enemy. One who knows who God is and wants to do everything he can to thwart his plans and turn his people from truth to deceit. He's cunning. In this cycle I speak of for my life, it often goes from me thinking things are going great, which is a good thing, a blessing from God...and then the enemy tries to twist it just a little, just so I think that I have something to do with things going well...that I have control...giving myself the glory...it's called pride. Usually when a sentence has quite a few "I's" or "me's" in it in my head, it indicates some sort of pride for me.

So I go from blessing to pride to seeking perfection to perfection being destroyed (enter in a child who so easily--and somewhat innocently--can dash our "perfect" hopes), then I might get angry at said person, then I feel guilty, then I can place blame on pretty much anything other than myself, then I feel more guilty...then comes the depressed feelings--I think I am a horrible person, mom, wife, friend, blah, blah, blah. Then I am defeated!!!! It's a vicious cycle.

Then comes grace. Last spring our women's group at church did a bible study called "Believing God" by Beth Moore. It was awesome and life-changing. I recall many things from that study often, and coin the phrase "I'm believing God" in my head and heart frequently when Satan tries to attack. This cycle I'm talking about actually came out on paper in that study when she asked us to map out what that looked like in our lives. I believe everyone has some cycle of defeat. It may not look the same as someone else's, but the enemy knows the ways to get to us & try to draw us away from truth.

The truth is the victory is already won!!! When we believe God, we can turn our defeated cycle into a victorious one. When I have a morning like I did today, that looks something like this:

The depressed feelings come. I don't really feel like praying; I don't even feel like I'm worthy of talking to God sometimes at that point. Why wouldn't he just give up on me by now? I don't learn. I keep messing up. But wait! He created me. I am fearfully & wonderfully made. He has great plans for my life. He works all things together for good. He who began this good work will carry it on to completion. The victory is in Him. The devil has no power over Jesus. "In this world we will have trouble, but take heart! I [Jesus] have overcome the world." (John 16:33)


In this house there is a lot of talk of swords & fighting, as you can imagine. One thing I want to instill in these boys is that this instinct of life being a "fight" is absolutely true in a spiritual sense. We can choose to let defeat overcome us, or we can claim victory in the Lord & wield our "sword of the spirit" against the evil one. We cannot do this on our own. Despite our best efforts, trying to pull ourselves out of the pit just never really works. Our sword is God's word. (Ephesians 6) It is powerful. Our shield is our faith. He will not fail us. BELIEVE Him! (preaching to myself)


So that's what I do when that cycle creeps in. I will repeat again: I cannot do this on my own! I have to pray. I have to turn toward Truth! Many times I have had to have my husband or a friend point me to it. I thank God that he uses them to do that. And sometimes I have just said out loud, "Devil flee!! You have no place here. In the name of Jesus." I know to some that may sound hokey, but I'm telling you I have seen it work!!! There is power in the name of our Lord.


What is your cycle of defeat? How do you change that cycle? I pray that somehow you are blessed this day in knowing you are not alone if you do struggle like this. There is Victory. There is Grace. Praise Him.

Lessons from a bike ride

So we decided to embark on a bike ride the other day. It was beautiful and sunny and, as you can imagine, 2 energetic boys were raring to get outside and go. The thing is, that particular day the boys just did not have their hearts in the ride. We were on a different trail than we'd been on before, and they were--to put it bluntly--being slow. Luke was at least pedaling, but Jack was really lagging behind and kept saying he was about to go fast when approaching a minuscule "hill" so then he would brake. I think all this stemmed from a few weeks ago when Jack had a certain incident with a light pole in our neighborhood; he just hasn't ridden the same since. But all this to say that our little jaunt in the woods made me think on some interesting concepts about life and God. Here are some of the things we found ourselves saying...

• Don't be afraid


• Keep your eyes on the path ahead of YOU (not on the person beside or behind you)


• Keep pedaling--even on the hills


• Don't give up


• You CAN do it (through Christ)


• Watch out for other people


• You have to steer (take a step of faith)


• I am right next to you


• I won't let you fall (or when you do, I'll pick you back up again)


• We're almost there

I don't know. Maybe there's not as much theology on the bike trail as I think. But it made me think that day. It made me think about how God is with us, coaching us, all along this path of life. He truly does care about every direction we go. He guides us (when we listen). He saves us. He changes us.

Maybe next time the bike ride will be a little bit easier. Soon I'm sure they won't want us to walk beside them for that extra security. So I'll enjoy it now. But I do hope they always know that they are never alone in this world. Never alone.

In other news...

Luke is potty trained!!!

Cabin vacation cont'd.

Oops! Accidentally pressed 'publish' before I got all the pictures uploaded... (scroll down to see the first ones)

Here's mom & me on the girls' afternoon out

One day we did a great hike up to the tallest spot in GA...

the kids even made it all the way!

David was checking it all out for himself...

On the way back down (notice the oldest boy in the backpack!!)

Jack & Luke had a great time on an evening fishing outing to the river with their cousins.

Luke actually caught that fish!

Aunt Em enjoyed painting the little girls' nails one day

(I think they liked it too ;)

Jack & Robbie in their baseball gear with their "light-savers"

And finally, it just wouldn't have been a cabin vacation without bugs...lots of bugs!!!

Cabin vacation

Here are some pics from our recent vacation to the woods...we had a great time seeing family, celebrating Nana's 60th bday, and enjoying God's magnificent creation! Our abode

Blueberry picking

Gem mining
(notice my sister giving explicit instructions to the little ones--don't throw out the good rocks!!)


At a park with great G&G and cousins

The kiddos and their new hats :)

Blessed.

What does it really mean to be "blessed?" I have been pondering this question a lot lately. As a Christian, I often find myself praying for God to bless this person or that person, or I'll say or write "God bless you" to someone. I even find myself a tad offended at times when I sneeze and none of my boys chooses to "bless me." But what does this really mean? What do we expect God to do when we ask him to bless us? Do we see ourselves as blessed when we get somewhere on time, or when we have extra money in the bank, or a nice house or car, or a happy marriage, or healthy kids, or have a 2 yr. old who goes poopy on the potty?


I am no bible scholar, but I do believe that God's word tells us that he wants to bless his children. He wants to bless us. Wikipedia is not totally biblically sound of course, but I thought it interesting that it defines a blessing as "the infusion of something with holiness, divine will, or one's hope or approval." I think that God longs to bless our circumstances, even in our finite earthly terms, but He first and foremost wants us to believe Him for it, and in doing that we have no choice but to draw nearer to Him...truly seeking God (& his will) in all things.

I read recently (in the book Wild Things) that I should raise my boys to learn to not only accept dissappointments, failures, and outright terrible experiences in their lives, but count them as blessings...for they will shape their character. The struggles and pain will teach them about redemption and restoration. That's hard to swallow. Of course Tom & I don't want pain for our children...but the outcomes and character refinement we do want. This has caused me to ask myself if I often thank God for the struggles as much as the good things? Do I see a broken relationship, illness and even death as a blessing? I'm not saying it's not okay to feel things or grieve, but maybe we just need to realize that we do not see things the way God does. I think there are so many things in this life that remain a mystery of the Lord. I am not at all claiming to say that God sits up in heaven and seeks out people to "zap" with bad circumstances because they need to learn a lesson. But I do believe that he intertwines everything that happens like a beautiful tapestry--for our good and ultimately to give him the glory. (Rom. 8:28)


I want to count everything a blessing--the good, the bad, the ugly--God is sovereign over all of it. I don't want to avoid pain and struggle at all costs, or teach my kids to do that. I still believe it is right and okay to desire "good blessings" for ourselves and others, and to believe that God can and will bless us that way, for that is His desire as well.

To be "infused with holiness," now I think that would be to be blessed indeed!

little explorers.

So I realize that a lot (can i say a lot when this blog only started 2 weeks ago?) of my posts have come out of struggles I face in this little part of the world I inhabit. Today, though, I am just having a good day. In fact, this week is a very boring week...and I like that! Not much planned, nowhere really to be, a long to-do list that may or may not get done. I'm enjoying, though, just "being" with my boys. The hard moments are still there, oh yes, but I am really learning to embrace this thing of raising little men. I know, 4 years into it, you'd think I might have used the word 'embrace' a while ago...like when the first one came on the scene!! But really, those who know me know that I did not ever imagine my life to look like this. BOYS everywhere!!! I just always thought I'd have girls--sisters--lots of playing house and school and dolls...but God had other plans for our family, and while I trust Him completely, I am still out of my element a lot of the time.

That said, I am a sucker for any and all books that are written to an audience like me. Trying to train these boys up to be strong men after God's heart. And my current read is one called "Wild Things: the are of nurturing boys" by Stephen James and David Thomas (you may have noticed a quote by one of them on the side of this blog).

It's really good! I have to show the cover because it is just a quintessential picture of boys...and brothers, like we have in this house. I never expected to hear so much about fighting and guns and swords...Agh! It drives me crazy sometimes, to be totally honest. But it's boys. They are always caught up in this whole battle between good and evil, right and wrong. Trying to figure the whole thing out. And God wired them that way. I'm learning so much about how God wired them, and trying to change my perspective to start working with it instead of against it.

The first part of the book divides each "stage" of a boy into different chapters according to their age. My guys right now are what the book deems "Little explorers", age 2-4. Here's some examples of what a little explorer does (in my own words):

• he explores to the edge of his world, leaving NOTHING untouched!
• he has less serotonin in his brain than a girl (it's a fact!)...therefore he cannot control his impulses near as much, and he has a very hard time sitting still
• he is active, aggressive, curious and self-determined
• he often demonstrates his love and affection through physical means such as head-butting, tackling and hitting (we have one boy who certainly lives up to this one!!).

Now, here's what I'm learning these little explorers need...

• Boundaries--setting simple, clear limits; one thing the book pointed out that I really took to heart is that little boys cannot control themselves near as much as we think or might like to expect them to. "This is the one part of the journey of boyhood where we need to expect less of boys and be pleasantly surprised when they self-regulate." (James & Thomas). It's definitely making Tom & I rethink some of what we expect so that we don't set them up for failure all the time. We can still have expectations, but realistic ones.
• Open space--they need to RUN!!! a lot!!! I liked this one story they told of a mom with 4 boys (and one girl!) who often told them when they were getting too wild to just go outside and run laps around the house.
• Consistency--they thrive on routine and structure, because they are often extremely unstructured and inconsistent little beings. Their attention span averages less than 10 minutes!
• Understanding--this is where the low serotonin thing comes in again. What I took from this is much of what I've already mentioned. Just understanding their unique wiring, that is does have a purpose, and it's possible to work with it. Don't expect them to act like a girl!

So this is where I am today. Embracing this world of nurturing boys. Praying every day when I wake that I will love them well & not squash their little boy spirits. That I will know when to intervene & when to let them just be who they are. That I will be faithful to this endeavor that He has called me to. He who has called is ever faithful to me.

And here's an example of an upcoming little explorer :)

Just a minute

So I feel like maybe all my life I've seemed "busy." Hard to imagine that I was even close to that when I was in my single days, but somehow I remember even being stressed at times then because there weren't enough minutes in the day. Always in a hurry, trying to get everything done, feeling weary because I couldn't keep up. I guess we all get this way. It's our way of life. Dare I say, it's the "American way." But I've thought about it quite a bit lately...and I made a list.

If I had "enough" time in my days, I would:

• be an expert coupon clipper & user (and live off $40/month groceries for a family of 5!)
• sew all my kids clothes (ok, maybe not, but i would definitely sew more & get better at it)
• send all birthday presents/cards on time
• answer every email right the very second after I recieved it and never wonder, "did i ever email that person back?"
• read lots of books...all the way through to the end!
• cook fresh food every night and never grab for whatever's in the freezer at 5pm
• email out tons of pictures the day after we get back from a vacation or special outing, even with captions
• never say "just a minute" or "hurry up" to my kids
• have laundry put away before it's time to fill the basket again
• never say something to someone that i forget to follow up on
• sit with my husband every night when he gets home and look into his eyes as he tells me every detail of his day
• get a nap every day...and still get my house picked up

These are the things I would do. Wouldn't it be wonderful?!

I know it seems I could wallow in how I don't do this and I don't remember that. But for one thing that would be a really downer blog post! And for another, there is NO condemnation when we are in Christ (Rom 8:1). The thing I've been thinking of is that God in His divine wisdom decided that only 24 hours would belong in each day. Only 1440 minutes. HE decided that. Ordained it. So then we can rest in the fact that it IS enough! And if we allow Him, he will direct each and every one.

I want to be faithful to each minute. I am human. I am fallible. I am not always as thoughtful as I want to be. But I believe that probably happens more often when I am not fully yielding to the Lord's purposes for me that moment or that day. If HE tugs on my shirt in the form of a 2 year old and asks me to come sit on the floor with him then I should do it. If HE prompts my heart to think of that friend or family member, then I should contact them. If HE draws my spirit to spend quiet time with Him, then I need to do that. All the stuff that falls to the wayside because of that will be taken care of in its time. The key thing is that I am being led by God's spirit living in me--His living Spirit that dwells in every believer. That doesn't mean I'll always get it right, but He'll give me the Grace I need, to get up and try again. I pray that people will extend grace when I mess up too. But ultimately His grace is enough. It is sufficient. I am so thankful for that.

"I want to be faithful with my moments," as my dear friend always says.

Each minute counts.