Dear Jack

My dear oldest child. I have been burdened for you lately. I have been at odds with you at times lately. You are starting to go through some growing pains. You are so thoughtful, always pondering things around you. You tend to internalize those thoughts, and at times I feel like I'd pay a million dollars to find out what that brain is up to.

I long for you to know you are loved. To know that you can be secure, and rest in God's undying love for you. I want you to stand strong, to be courageous, to not miss out on the abundant life Jesus died to give you. I have done that at times, because of fear or insecurity, and I know now that there is so much more joy and feeedom when I choose to trust Him with everything, and seek to walk in His ways rather than going my own way.

You are still so young. You love to play, to run and jump and be crazy, to hold onto your stuffed animals at night as you fall asleep. I pray you don't lose that innocent spirit as you grow and see more of the darkness that exists in this world. Let your light shine! Have hope for things eternal, do not cling to what will fade, which is everything under the sun. Serve God, love people, be a good steward of the gifts God gives.

You say one of your biggest fears is being in front of people. Mine too. I feel much more comfortable in the background, and I'm a home-body just like you:) But God will give you the strength to overcome those fears, to step out into what He is calling you to do. Don't let the moments when you do succeed boost your pride. In humility, give Him all the glory. I have no doubt He will do amazing things through you.

There is so much in the world that will try for your attention. So many things that may seem good can actually turn out to be a big waste of time. You and I, we fall prey to those things easily. Keep your eyes on Him always. Fight the distractions! Be a respector of people and property and time, but most of all respect and honor your Lord Jesus. He is our audience of One. The best time you will ever spend will be the quiet moments with Him and in his Word. You can trust He will speak to you there.

Lastly I just want to reiterate that you are loved. There is nothing ever that can or will change that. You will grow, you will change. You will be filled with swirling thoughts and emotions that you may not understand. You will make mistakes. But you will always be perfectly loved by our Father, and by us. We know we are not doing everything right in raising you, buddy, but we are so thankful God gives us the chance. By His grace, we just want to faithfully guide you in truth. You are a special boy. Created and purposed for great things...a warrior for His glory.

I love you,

Mommy

 

Not for wimps

Parenting is not for wimps. As I say this I fully realize...I am a wimp!

I finally got the last child to bed the other night and just collapsed on my bedroom floor. I had just tried to quietly and gently sing that last song to our toddler as he whined and cried about how he didn't want to go to bed, and then he thrashed his very hard head square into my face, practically breaking my nose (ok, not really, but it felt like it at the time). After that "episode" I was done. Literally. Fetal position. On the floor. Done. It was the last straw for me that day.

My feelings cried, "I can't do this anymore. It's too hard. I feel so empty. Constantly giving everything I have...and more. All day long. Getting in return only pain, all kinds of pain--physical, emotional. It feels like they just kill me every day and then stomp all over my guts and laugh about it." [A little dramatic, I know, but that's why they are called feelings, right?] Then, after a while, my level-headed, wise husband came and lay next to me on the floor. While he did not discount my feelings, having felt similar ones himself recently, he did bring some truth in to trump them. "We're looking them to fill us in some way," he said. "They can't. We need Jesus."

So simple, yet so true. We hold out our proverbial cup to whoever will fill it, and in parenting that happens to be children a lot of the time. I do it without ever realizing it. It feels good when they obey or use manners, when they offer unsolicited help or a random hug, or even clean up after themselves. It "fills" my tank so to speak. But it is only a false filling. That cup is truly only meant to be filled by One. And I am humbled yet again...

So in this house full of very loud, wild, beautifully human children, this wimp is constantly reminded of her desperate need for Jesus. I cannot do this without Him.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" ~2 Corinthians 12:9