Complainer

"Meaningless, Meaningless...Everything is meaningless!" Ecclesiastes 1:2

Isn't that an optimistic statement with which to start your day? Not! It was what I started my day with today, though. And then it really got me thinking about complaining. "Am I a complainer?" I asked a dear friend. "I don't want to be a complainer," I whined. Oh...I realized quickly that then I was complaining about being a complainer. Ugh!

I think what I've come up with is this. This life brings complaints. It is what we do with them that makes all the difference. Do we take them to every person in our path, or do we lay them one by one before the Lord. Sometimes I think it is good and right to share struggles with trusted ones. I know God has brought me much encouragement through that. I guess we just have to be careful that we're not causing someone else's gaze to be stooped down here, rather than fixed up there.

It also got me thinking...what truly brings meaning?

We are born homesick. We long for an existence, a quality of life or a settledness and satisfaction which we've never directly experienced, but which we know exists, or at least ought to. We live in something like a life-long culture shock. Our response to this fact sets the course of our lives. ~James C. Wilhoit

Being a nurse, a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend...all of these roles have brought some kind of great meaning to my life. But none of them truly satisfy. I'm realizing that though there is blessing to be found in everything, true satisfaction can only come from the Lord. If I am looking to anything else to fill me at a given moment, to make me "feel good," then I am ultimately worshiping an idol. Ouch!

Father God, you are my filling, my meaning. You are my true home. Forgive me for complaining. Help me to walk through this world with open hands...seeing what you have for me here, following your tender lead, but not grasping for anything to truly hold onto except for YOU.

Living Fully

There have been many gifts to count this past month or so. Some I've been privileged to see and some that have probably been left unseen as yet. That is one prayer I've been trying to pray daily...that I would have eyes to see. Eyes to see the Lord's beauty, his gifts, even in the most unlikely of settings. They are always there. He is motivated by love for you and me. Every day. He truly is.

Here is a glimpse of some of the 'multitude' from our life...

319. the littlest feeds himself!
325. just me & the boys
327. the accountability of my 3 year-old
330. a puppet show
334. Costco fruit
336. a constant filling~when it seems I should be empty
338. a beautiful day of spring
342. seeing her bow low before her Father
347. holding a little one close as a fever spikes
350. the way they love their stuffed animals
351. my mom lives just down the street :)
357. a friend who desires to bless
361. forgiveness~again
363. the way He guides His word to enter our lives
370. learning to lay it down
374. little puffs of clouds in the sky
375. fresh brown eggs
379. little chicks

380. baby bunnies

388. seeing an attitude improve with correction, discipline...and cuddling
389. celebrating birthday with Grams

394. the way he says "nose"
398. comfort food
401. knowing He holds the outcome
412. boys singing "Tis so sweet"
413. discussion of muscles at dinner

415. uncontrollable giggles
416. little chubby fingers counting to 10
418. this cutest new little nephew's life :)

421. sissies on the maternity ward

422. holding baby Gav's little bum in my hand

424. peaceful afternoon

429. opportunity to help a friend

430. his lunch ministry came home today

434. a beautiful little girl

436. prayers she'll find a song
439. these little flowers


440. a boy proud of himself as he kicked the ball
442. one who gave his "grapes with stems" to his crying brother
445. Doodle's jumps
446. Nana's reading
447. sharing life with a friend
450. hugs for Daddy

Suffering, Honesty, and Sovereignty

My journey through the Old Testament has landed me in Job this week. Whoa! It's been a tough week of study. I've been in Job before, but this time for some reason God just wanted to take me deeper. I honestly have wrestled with many themes in this book, and have not come up with comprehension or answers to all my questions. But maybe that's the point.

A few things I have learned and want to remember this week are:

• God doesn't ask us to figure things out. He simply asks us to trust Him. In this world of knowledge overload, it is so tempting for me to want answers to everything. Want to figure it all out. From relationships to medical mysteries to just reasons for the way things are... He gives us guidelines (in His Word), but also freedom (gray areas). He guides by his Spirit, but leaves some things for us to learn about in Heaven. I think we can only truly be content in this mess of life when we are just simply trusting and not scrambling for all the answers.
• Be honest in our pain. If there's anything Job did a lot of, it was lament! He was brutally honest with the Lord. He did not like his circumstances, and he was clear about that. He even blamed God at times. I was reminded of something through a song by Amy Grant this week:  "The honest cries of a breaking heart...are better than a Hallelujah sometimes."
• We can think we are going about on the right path, but our eyes are actually half-blinded to the ultimate holiness of our God. This kind of relates to what I just said. So often we think we know it all. Even about God. We know who he is, and based on what he's done in our lives already, we can predict what he might do next or might do in our friends' life. Oh, how I pray my eyes would just be opened! I don't want to pretend I know it all. My little life does not define who God is and what He can do.
• Just love people...and be with them in their suffering. Job's friends had it right in the beginning. They came to him in his time of need. They sat with him--in silence--for 7 days. I thought that was profound. There were no words (at first). Just silence. And probably tears. Suffering is unexplainable. But God is sovereign. So often when someone is suffering we want to do whatever is humanly possible to step in and help that person, or talk it out with them. There certainly may be times for that, but maybe the best thing is to watch and pray with them, to cry with them. When Job's friends did step in and talk, it quickly became a run around of accusations and misrepresentation of the Lord...it just got messy. So maybe it's best (again) not to try to figure it all out, but to acknowledge God is bigger and He is on his throne--no matter what the suffering on this earth may be; nothing changes that.

I just want to live in humility. Who am I? Who am I to try to understand God? To understand his ways--how he gives, how he takes away? What is wisdom?

"...the fear of the Lord is wisdom, and to turn from evil is understanding." ~Job 28:28

Thank you, Lord, for teaching little me about these things. I am ever aware that I will be learning more about you all my life. I will never have it all figured out. I pray I will not claim any wisdom that you have not given me...in marriage, in friendships, in parenting these boys, in life in general. May I just be real before you & teach my kids to do the same. I don't know how exactly you want us to pray. But I know you want our hearts. You know me better than I know myself. And everything...everything is under your control!

"I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted." ~Job 42:2

Clarifying purpose

I am back! I have been so blessed by this short time of clarification of my purpose in this virtual world. God revealed plainly to me what he wanted me to do...and not do, I believe. I spend much less time on here, and the lid to the laptop stays closed most of the day. For me, that's the way it needs to be. My main purpose and calling is this family, my husband and these children. I must be faithful to that. He has been so faithful to equip me for this.

What I want to do on here is just leave a legacy. Share the thoughts the Lord has impressed upon my soul. Bless another, perhaps, and bless my children one day. Remind myself in days ahead just where I've come from and what God has taught me along the way.

From my time in Nehemiah this week, I have been so blessed. From my time actually in the past few books of the Old Testament, God has really honed in on this subject of restoration and rebuilding. He is reminding me how he's constantly restoring these holy temples (the physical being of a believer) and constantly equipping us to rebuild things in our lives, for His kingdom's glory. There is so much hurt. So much heavy "stuff" in this world. It's almost overwhelming just getting through a day sometimes, hearing about the hurt and pain in lives around me. But...GOD. When it all comes down to it, that's what matters. He cares. He is always working.

Nehemiah was a spiritual giant, a prayer warrior to lead all warriors! One really cool thing I've learned from Nehemiah is that when I pray I really can (and should) just lay it down, and then walk on in faith. He did that time and time again. A situation arose, he prayed to the God of heaven, laid it at His feet, and then went on doing what he had been called to do. He did not mull over it for days, he did not worry about what everyone else thought of him, he did not try to "fix" everything in his own strength. He left it at God's feet. He didn't pick it back up. He was bold yet humble in his prayers; he did not hold back. He believed God to be true to his word. He desires to bless his children. He desires them to walk in freedom.

This day is sacred to the Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. ~Neh. 8:10 

So, my head up now, I feel a new sense of purpose to walk forward in this thing I have been called to. I am raising little men, loving their daddy, and serving those around me in ways I am called to serve, only by His strength, in His power. May I do what is possible, and leave the impossible to the LORD.