little explorers.

So I realize that a lot (can i say a lot when this blog only started 2 weeks ago?) of my posts have come out of struggles I face in this little part of the world I inhabit. Today, though, I am just having a good day. In fact, this week is a very boring week...and I like that! Not much planned, nowhere really to be, a long to-do list that may or may not get done. I'm enjoying, though, just "being" with my boys. The hard moments are still there, oh yes, but I am really learning to embrace this thing of raising little men. I know, 4 years into it, you'd think I might have used the word 'embrace' a while ago...like when the first one came on the scene!! But really, those who know me know that I did not ever imagine my life to look like this. BOYS everywhere!!! I just always thought I'd have girls--sisters--lots of playing house and school and dolls...but God had other plans for our family, and while I trust Him completely, I am still out of my element a lot of the time.

That said, I am a sucker for any and all books that are written to an audience like me. Trying to train these boys up to be strong men after God's heart. And my current read is one called "Wild Things: the are of nurturing boys" by Stephen James and David Thomas (you may have noticed a quote by one of them on the side of this blog).

It's really good! I have to show the cover because it is just a quintessential picture of boys...and brothers, like we have in this house. I never expected to hear so much about fighting and guns and swords...Agh! It drives me crazy sometimes, to be totally honest. But it's boys. They are always caught up in this whole battle between good and evil, right and wrong. Trying to figure the whole thing out. And God wired them that way. I'm learning so much about how God wired them, and trying to change my perspective to start working with it instead of against it.

The first part of the book divides each "stage" of a boy into different chapters according to their age. My guys right now are what the book deems "Little explorers", age 2-4. Here's some examples of what a little explorer does (in my own words):

• he explores to the edge of his world, leaving NOTHING untouched!
• he has less serotonin in his brain than a girl (it's a fact!)...therefore he cannot control his impulses near as much, and he has a very hard time sitting still
• he is active, aggressive, curious and self-determined
• he often demonstrates his love and affection through physical means such as head-butting, tackling and hitting (we have one boy who certainly lives up to this one!!).

Now, here's what I'm learning these little explorers need...

• Boundaries--setting simple, clear limits; one thing the book pointed out that I really took to heart is that little boys cannot control themselves near as much as we think or might like to expect them to. "This is the one part of the journey of boyhood where we need to expect less of boys and be pleasantly surprised when they self-regulate." (James & Thomas). It's definitely making Tom & I rethink some of what we expect so that we don't set them up for failure all the time. We can still have expectations, but realistic ones.
• Open space--they need to RUN!!! a lot!!! I liked this one story they told of a mom with 4 boys (and one girl!) who often told them when they were getting too wild to just go outside and run laps around the house.
• Consistency--they thrive on routine and structure, because they are often extremely unstructured and inconsistent little beings. Their attention span averages less than 10 minutes!
• Understanding--this is where the low serotonin thing comes in again. What I took from this is much of what I've already mentioned. Just understanding their unique wiring, that is does have a purpose, and it's possible to work with it. Don't expect them to act like a girl!

So this is where I am today. Embracing this world of nurturing boys. Praying every day when I wake that I will love them well & not squash their little boy spirits. That I will know when to intervene & when to let them just be who they are. That I will be faithful to this endeavor that He has called me to. He who has called is ever faithful to me.

And here's an example of an upcoming little explorer :)