A few recent adventures...

The Creation Museum in Hebron, KY...

Then Teach them Diligently, Nashville...

Then back home to finish up Classical Conversations for this year...

And in the midst of all this, baby girl turned 6 months old:)

 

The gospel in the trenches

In case you haven't seen our family lately, with 4 wild boys running circles around us and one sweet girl stealing all of our affections, we are in the trenches. The trenches of parenting. Five kids under 8 years old. It is not easy. And then add a little homeschooling to the mix, meaning we're together all. the. time. Our days are full, and they are blessed :)

This parenting thing is hard. There is so much to learn. We recently went to a Christian homeschool conference. It was a much needed dose of encouragement, but it was also very challenging and somewhat convicting. The Lord really seems to be impressing upon my heart this idea of 'living the gospel' in our home. What does that look like? What does that even mean?

We of course want our children to know God above all else that we will ever teach them. To know his goodness, his mercy, his love. To be steeped in the truth of His word, and armed for the spiritual battle that awaits them in this world. But how do we teach them day in and day out that it all boils down to the gospel, that everything points to Jesus and what he has done for us.

The gospel is the simple truth that we are all wretched sinners and yet we all have access to an amazing and perfect Savior, simply because of His love for us. It is the ultimate good news. I always learned it growing up as grace, our completely free gift from God, that we did nothing and will never do anything to earn.

What I think the Lord is teaching me now is to go deeper into the freedom the gospel brings. The freedom to love. Without condition. To let go of the expectations I place on myself, or those around me. To trust in the completeness of the gospel.

When my kids argue constantly, or they are disrespectful, when they hit or scream or grab or kick, when they ignore or willfully disobey what I've asked them to do. How do I show them the gospel then? How do I love them then? What about when my selfishness creeps in? When I'd rather have a clean house or a good-looking family on the outside, than truly look at what is going on in hearts on the inside? These are the real moments. The ones I live out all the time, every single day.

I don't yet know exactly what 'living the gospel' in our home means. I desperately want to keep learning, though. I think much of it comes down to love. And grace. Keeping calm more, flying off the handle a lot less. Freedom to believe that Jesus' sacrifice truly is enough to cover over everything. My wretched sin, my husband's, that of my kids. Everybody. Reminding myself of that in each moment, every day. Trusting His sacrifice on the cross to be enough.

I want to love Jesus with reckless abandon, and because I am humbled that he would save a sinner like me, seek to love and serve those around me like that too. Living the gospel.

"God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

Praying Women

So I don't do social media, and I don't really follow how many people actually read my blog, but I want to put this out there for whoever might cross this path.

God is up to something big. Something big in the hearts of women who long to seek Him, to worship Him, to believe Him. He is at work, drawing us in, changing hearts and lives all around us. Prayer is powerful. Prayer is vital. Prayer is a gift.

So, click the link below and be blessed...

http://millionprayingwomen.com/

Surrender leads to victory

Littlest boy crossed a big milestone this week. We had to say good-bye to the trusted friend, the "pa-pa."

 

I know it's just a pacifier, and this too shall pass, ever so quickly. But it's been hard! I have felt myself feeling just as anxious and distraught as he has at times. It is hard to watch your baby go through emotional turmoil, even knowing this is a necessary thing to bring him to a better place. Knowing that he has to surrender in order to gain victory. The victory for now might just be a broken cycle of addiction to a teeth-altering plastic thing, but one day the battles will be much harder and the victories will be even sweeter.

I just want this little boy to know that I am fighting for him in the only way I can, on my knees. I remember laying on the floor in his room as an infant, crying out to the Lord to "quiet him with His love" (Zeph. 3:17)...and now outside his room pleading with the Lord to fill him with peace, contentment, and a tangible dose of His presence...and one day I'm sure I'll be battling it in the quiet, asking God to equip him with all he needs to face the many trials of this world. Asking God to help this boy surrender, that he may allow the Holy Spirit to teach him and guide him in all truth and righteousness, that he may gain the victory that has already been won.

 

Yes, I know this time it was just a pacifier. And thankfully he's already made strides this week in letting it go. But Lord may I continue to fight the battles for this boy, and all my children, in faithful prayer to you. Help me to surrender, trusting you to bring the victory.

 

Don't want to miss it

Last night I felt a little bit fried. That pretty much sums it up. This week was hard. I'll admit it. I could sugar-coat our life right now and say we are the quintessential homeschool family, all singing hymns together around the piano to start our day, with a beautiful baby sleeping contentedly in a bassinet nearby. But in actuality when we've tried to incorporate some hymns on occasion, it usually ends up with a child banging the piano keys, another one jumping off the nearby chair, and a boy wrestling his brother to get back a toy or be the one who gets to sit on the piano bench. Sometimes there is singing.

The point is, it's not ideal. Not quintessential. But it's our life.

This week there were fights about school. There were brand new Christmas toys that were destroyed by a toddler, and an entire tupperware of kidney beans spilled all over the floor. There was a crying baby fighting her naps. There was much discipline for rudeness and disrespect.

There was also the joy of first baby laughs. Boys playing superhero all together. Boys excited to do a science project with daddy. A spontaneous walk to the playground. 'Ice skating' in the back yard. Lots of game playing. And some sweet cuddles too.

I am tired. I don't get much of a "break" by the world's standards. But I am thankful. This is my life. The ugly and the beautiful. I want to hold open my hands and say "yes" to all the Lord has. All that he is teaching me, though sometimes it is through the hard stuff. I want to look at my children and see the wonder, the miracle that they really are, underneath all that flesh. After all, that is how He sees me.

Even if I feel fried every now and then...I don't want to miss this.

 

"God is faithful." ~1 Cor. 1:9

 

Blessing among the messing...

Five kids make lots of messes. Five kids at home every day~playing and eating and crafting and (hopefully) learning~they make lots of messes. I was sitting there at the kitchen table one morning recently, just reflecting on my life. And I just thought, "wow." Here's a little glimpse.

So our school day usually starts around 9:30. By about 10:00 today, this is what was going on. One boy was cutting things out and was supposed to then glue them on a paper to make patterns. Another boy was writing something and about to draw a picture. Another was supposed to be doing a math activity. The youngest was having a snack. And the baby slept in the swing. Flash forward 5 minutes. Baby wakes up crying, not done napping. Paci game starts. Two year old wants to sit on my lap as I work with 4 year old on the cutting thing. His snack falls on the floor. He cries, but gets down to try to pick it up and pick off enough dog hair to be able to eat it anyway. He whines because he wants me to help him. Oldest is not doing math, but instead playing with his pencil and singing loudly about koalas. Other boy complains because I still haven't checked his writing. Baby doesn't stop spitting her paci out, so I decide to hold her. Turn around and 4 year old is now opening the stapler and trying to figure out how it works. Staples all over floor, along with paper scraps from cutting. I remind all to stay on task (probably in a voice that was too loud). My head starts spinning as everyone is asking for help in some way. There's paper and pencils and books and crayons and scissors and glue everywhere. I remember I need a snack, and more coffee...and a load of laundry needs to go in. Oh, and the dishes from breakfast still sit on the counter, oatmeal pasted to the bowls by now. So I sit down, breathe in the sweet baby head smell, and look out the window at the bright blue sky, thanking God amidst the loudness and mess. I look around. Wow. What a mess.

This is my life. It's hard, it's messy, it's loud, it's overwhelming. But isn't that what He came for? God came down to this earth to show me that He loves me that much. To take every burden, every mess. To mend broken things. To be here with me in the mess. To show me how to depend on Him, how to breathe in the blessings no matter how life swirls crazy around me.

Thank you, Savior...thank you, Jesus.

Heart Overflow

I have been reflecting on the goodness of God. He doesn't always choose to bless me in ways I might think of blessing, in my humanity. In other words, in God's kingdom, blessing does not equal happiness all the time...or maybe even most of the time. Blessing can come in the form of brokenness and pain that ultimately draws me to my need for a Savior, which is the ultimate joy. Every once in a while, though, God in His mercy shows himself in just an amazing way, and I truly do just feel happy as a result. My heart overflows.

Baby girl is 2 months old now. She is just a crazy cute little blessing. A sweet disposition. A fantastic sleeper. A content baby. It's amazing. I was hit with the realization a couple weeks ago that she is an unbelievable answer to prayer. Truly a product of the Lord giving us a desire of our hearts. Truly a testimony to his faithfulness. I am incredibly humbled and thankful.

I often get the comment from people, "Now you can stop having kids. You got your girl." No offense to anyone who has said this, but I hate that comment. Yes, this little girl was specifically prayed for and we are so excited to have her. But I prayed that boys #3 & 4 would be girls too! I always thought I just could not handle a whole house full of crazy boy-ness. God in his wisdom answered those prayers with a no, and I'm so glad he did, as we could not be the family we are without each one of these unique, energetic, precious boys.

I heard my wise pastor say something that really resonated with me this week:

The reason God asks you to do something is specifically because he knows you can't do it.

In this season, I am frequently reminded that I can't. I can't be a good mom to this many boys, I can't homeschool them all, I can't keep up with the messes and laundry...Lord, help me, I can't lead them to Him. But He calls me to do all of this so that He can do what He does best--be God!

We did not "keep having kids" until we got the perfect, angelic little girl (which I know she is not, though it may seem so at times right now :). I just want to be faithful to Him, thanking Him along the way for each unique child he has created for His purposes. The Lord is building this family, and he has used the "trials" of a few feelings of disappointment to draw me closer and teach me that He is the giver of good gifts, the one who lines my desires up with His.

I am so thankful that Hannah is who she is, yet I am also just overwhelmed with the goodness of God, that he would care so much to give me exactly what He knows I need, at exactly the moment when I truly need it. I guess I really have no idea what I need, except that I need Him, all the time. I have done nothing to deserve such kindness and mercy.