I could have been one of "them"

Today is Good Friday. A day of reflecting on the incredible sacrifice of our Lord. As I was reading the account of the crucifixion in the gospel of Matthew this morning, something pretty profound hit me. Some of Jesus' mockers, as he hung there upon the cross--dying a criminals death--some of them hurled insults that sounded more like unbelief than actual hatred. Almost like they wanted to believe. Yet something in them held them back. And pride quickly kicked in.

"He saved others...but he can't save himself! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in Him. Let God rescue him now..." Matthew 27:42-43

We are all made with a God-shaped hole. A void in our soul that only He can fill. I realized today that when I've read this before I think I have mistakenly thought of those "mockers" as people who are far removed from where I am. Surely I would have been one of the women who was weeping at his feet, who believed with every fiber of her being that He was who He said He was, despite his awful circumstance at that moment in time. Right?

Maybe I'm more of a mocker than I realize. How often do I seek some sort of sign or tangible message from God when I am feeling like He is not there? How often do I question if He really cares about a situation that I'm in? Would I have been there saying, "Lord save yourself. Please! I know you can!" While thinking, "Then I will truly believe."

As I am praying for our boys in this challenge of 21 days of prayer for sons, I have come to be humbled in a big way. Parenting in general is pretty humbling. But it is also easy at times to think we're "better" than these little fleshly beings in some way. I mean, we are pretty much always assuming we know best as parents. We get to tell them what to do...all the time. "If only they would get it!" we think to ourselves as they do the same disobedient thing over and over again. It's tempting to puff up with pride just a little bit. And then I do something or say something awful in reaction to their behavior, and I am quickly placed back in reality...

"All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

Praying through the fruit of the Spirit this week... Desiring our sons to walk in patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness... It has humbled me that I do not always walk there. I find myself at times in a state of unbelief. Not believing that He has died for me. That His Spirit is in me. That all I have to do is call on Him, claim what He has already given me, and then walk this walk of trust and belief, no matter where the next steps may lead.

I am so thankful for this humbling revelation today. I pray that we can pray and believe all that is ours in Christ Jesus. "While we were still sinners, He died for us!" (Rom 5:8) I am still a sinner...a mocker. But I am praising a Savior.