Saturday, April 2, 2011

His Mission

My husband recently embarked, with one of his closest friends, on a 7-day medical mission trip to Haiti with Samaritan's Purse. I am so proud of him. Proud that he is just following the lead of the Lord and trusting in Him, step by step. I know I'm biased, but I do love him so :) I am privileged to walk with this man through this life. I praise my God for him.

Anyway, he has been sort of "logging" some journal entries from each day of the trip. And he graciously has allowed me to share them on here, to update loved ones and to share what God is up to in Haiti...
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Day 1: MIA

Well, the trip started out with a bang... Quite literally. Except, the bang happened two days before we left for Haiti at the Miami airport when lightening struck a fuel tank sending huge balls of flame and smoke billowing into the sky. It may seem minor, but that "act of God" created a microcosmic fuel shortage that temporarily created third world conditions at the airport and led to the final leg of our trek being cancelled. So here I am stranded in an over priced Best Western, 20 minutes from the airport, praying that the a.m. flights won't also be cancelled. Did I mention that my bags were getting to spend the night at the Miami airport free of charge. Despite the best attempts of the ticketing agent in Greensboro to heroically save my bags from this fate, they were in fact not rerouted off the plane in Miami, but were instead detained somewhere in the bowels of MIA. The not-so-helpful agent informed me that on a "regular" day they would have been able to pull the bag for me, but due to the current situation that would be quite impossible. That was right after she told us that the airline had no intention of helping us out with lodging, meal, or any other expenses we could incur because they were not "at fault" in this situation. I'm not quite sure about anyone else, but when I pay over 800$ for a plane ticket, I kinda expect them to have some sort of contingency plan for "fuel shortage type situations." I guess I'm expecting too much. It does, however, throw into sharp refrain the plight of the people in Haiti and many other places like it. I pondered that as I sat munching on a number 1 combo, "stranded" at a Chick-fil-a one block from our hotel. It just made me feel a little guilty about whining over the fact that I would likely still be wearing these same clothes this time tomorrow. God is Lord over all, and I know His ways are higher than mine. It will hopefully motivate me more to make every moment count, and not to turn a blind eye to those less fortunate. As I sleep in my nice air-conditioned room tonight, I pray that the other 10,000 "stranded" passengers will draw a little closer to the God of the universe. To Him be all Glory, even in my inconvenience.


Day 2: Arriving in Haiti

Haiti is so different than I imagined. I guess I had to imagine something, but it certainly wasn't based on reality. The reality is as follows (based on the few hours I've been here, so it's definitely subject to change): the airport is chaos just like everyone said it would be. The plane landed right on time. I was still brushing the crumbs from my shirt, remains of the snack served on the plane, when I descended the jet way stairs listening to the five-piece live band playing for tips. The "band" consisted of a banjo and various other percussive instruments that made me feel like I was actually entering the tropical paradise Haiti should be. Customs wasn't nearly as scary as it could have been, and the 200 or so people searching through the piles of luggage ended much better than I dreamed it would... Praise the Lord, forgive me for doubting, and I thank Him for bringing all my luggage here completely intact! Walking out of the airport, there were at least 60 desperate men scrambling to "help" with my luggage. I was comfortably pulling my two bags down the sidewalk, clearly the only possible way to go, as one man insisted he was there to show me the way out. We were waiting for the other SP volunteers for quite some time, and he just stood there looking slightly pitiful at my side until I felt compelled to give him a couple dollars. I'm hopeful he will make better use of it than I could.

The van ride to the SP compound was more like an amusement park ride than anything else. Bikes kept darting across the road from behind piles of rubble. The road was in such bad condition that driving on the right or left side of the road seemed equally acceptable. As long as no large trucks were coming straight towards you. We got here safely... again, praise the Lord. On a superficial note, Haiti is quite arid, and there are very few trees. The beaches are beautiful, but I didn't see anyone out enjoying them. There are goats everywhere... someones future dinner I'm sure. We got to the compound at about 10:45, so the medical teams had already gone out for the day. SP has a huge presence here, and they are doing so much more than just medical things. It's really cool to see. God is surely at work here...


Day 3: Cholera
Mother and Child
© Julie Dermansky

Cholera stinks. Well, actually, it didn't seem to have much of a smell. It is an incredibly bad disease, though. I have learned that Haiti never had cholera before the earthquake. Supposedly it came in with the UN relief workers. I think it was Satan. In His usual fashion, God is using it for good. People are coming to know the Lord daily at SP's clinics, and these are a people who desperately need Him. On my first day in the cholera treatment center (ctc), I saw children lose more than a liter of fluid in a single episode of "toilet," as the Haitians say. I also witnessed the Lord bring a few children from utter lethargy to happy playful boys and girls within a few hours. The doctors and nurses would laugh at these mischievous little half-dressed rascals and say "man, that kid needs to go home!". The next minute they would be back at the "toilet", which was actually just a hole cut into the wooden bunk they were laying on with a bucket underneath. ( I guess I should apologize for the graphic nature of this entry, but I'm actually holding quite a bit of detail back.). Samaritan's Purse has done an unbelievable job of hiring, training, and incorporating Haitian nationals at every level of it's operation here. I'll list a few categories of positions the nationals are employed in by SP (for more detail: see Adam Williams' post on fb dated 3/28/11). Here goes: doctors, nurses, translators, security, water treatment, drivers, rubble removal, lumber processing (for the temporary shelters), cooks, housekeepers, chaplains, even water spigot operators (people at the clinic who turned the water spigot so we could wash our hands with bleach water and bar soap). I can't say enough about the full time SP staff either. They are sold out for the Lord. Most of them have committed to a year or more of cold showers (no hot water here). They may not start out as experts at what they are doing, but the Lord quickly changes that. He is so good. His mercies never cease. May His holy name be praised forever. More to come tomorrow. I'm exhausted!


Day 4: Harsh Reality

It has truly been a pleasure to work alongside Haitian nationals and to take care of the humble, friendly Haitian families. It is a bit unsettling to think about their reality. There are interpreters that work in the clinic that really make the place work. They have helped me communicate with patients and nurses, taught me some Creole, answered cultural questions... the list goes on. These guys are extremely intelligent and have basically taught themselves English by reading books and "watching American movies". One of them, Namarre, told me today that he lives in a tent, and rides to work on a tap tap (a Haitian taxi... basically a pick-up truck with way too many people in the back) or on the back of a motorcycle. The motorcycles are more expensive. The other man is "the only person in his family who has a job," so at age 28, he has to support his entire family (parents and siblings). Praise the Lord for these men!


Unicef
Somehow with so little in the world to call there own, the Haitians all have cell phones, and apparently fb pages too! If you see an unused electrical outlet in the clinic (or anywhere for that matter) it will have a cell phone plugged into it. Somehow this place functions...

Praise the Lord that He is on His throne... Even now, even here.

Day 5: Harsher Reality

I was reminded today of a very disturbing story about Haitian history. In the 1800's, at the time of the Haitian slave revolt against the French colonists, the leaders of the revolt got the people together and supposedly they sold their souls to the devil in order to win. Voodoo is still a big part of the culture here. One of the articles I read prior to coming here said that Haiti was 70% Catholic and 90% voodoo. One of the interpreters today told us a story of how a whole town in Haiti has cursed each other to have one large foot. Another story involved a voodoo priest who died and supposedly the TV news ran a story showing pictures of 150 zombies that were at his house. The news told people to come pick up there family members and "rehabilitate" them. Yet another was about how the people commonly believed that the priests could turn people into animals. If you purchase meat in the market and it bubbles when cooked, it probably used to be a human. My good friend Adam posed the question as to whether God "punished" the evil behavior with the earthquake or whether it was more of a "natural consequence". We couldn't come up with a good answer for that; however, I am sure that what Satan meant for evil, God meant for good. He has used this earthquake to open the doors for organizations like SP to come in and share the Gospel, and he has opened the hearts of many Haitians to receive Jesus Christ as Lord of their lives. I commented to one of the chaplains that I couldn't imagine some of the stories of danger and violence to be true of the wonderful Haitian people we work with in the clinic. He said there are "two" Haiti's. Their are 14 major gangs in City Soleil. Murder is common and no one will go out after dark. In fact, none of the families we treat will leave after about 4 pm because they might not be home before dark. SP has hired a few former members of each of the gangs to work as security. They have given their lives to Christ and can open even more doors into the darkness that is "the other Haiti".

So please, dear Lord, let your Light shine into the darkness...

Day 6: Kids really are the same everywhere...

Gary Martyn
I solidified that thought in my mind today as I pulled a button out of a 2 year old Haitian girls nose. It also confirmed Gods sense of humor since I had done the exact same thing the week prior in the USA. Today I was in the "general" clinic in Cite Soleil. I saw quite a few ear infections, a couple pneumonia's, a few stomach viruses, and the rest of what I saw made me think I should go back to medical school. Mumps! I mean... Come on. There were also quite a few kids with moderately high fevers who I would have gently dismissed back at home... Here I put them on malaria medications just in case. There some very practical differences too. At 6 am about 150 people were lined up outside the clinic to be in line for the 8am start. They waited on concrete benches with no air conditioning until their names were called. Since it was only me and a Haitian doctor, the staff decided to limit the line at about 2pm (clinic closed at 3pm). This caused a little scuffle as people tried not to be excluded, but if that had happened at home, I probably would have been assaulted and then sued. One of the other cool observations about 3 year olds in Haiti and the US is the universality of "giving five," it almost always makes them smile. Anyway, these similarities brought to mind that we all share the imprint of our maker... The Alpha and Omega, the Author and Perfecter of our faith. I am reminded that we are citizens of His Kingdom just living in enemy occupied territory, and one day soon He will return to reclaim that which was His from the beginning.

Day 7: Dogs and elections

Every Haitian I have met has been consumed with one topic of conversation...the pending election results. A few weeks ago, there was a run-off between "the woman" and " Sweet Mickey.". The woman is the wife of a former president of Haiti, a lawyer, and a professor. Sweet Mickey is a Haitian compa singer (equivalent to American pop singers) who was known for dressing in a skirt and bra (did I mention he is a man?) and frequently used lyrics laced with profanity. The "woman" represents the entrenched, corrupt government establishment, and as one well educated Haitian woman stated: "if there had been a dog on the ballot, the people would have voted for the dog before this woman.". In their minds, she represents the source of all of Haiti's problems. It seems that the outgoing president is equally opposed to Sweet Mickey. He has vowed that he will not relinquish power to the compa star. The current president hasn't done himself any favors, though... In typical corrupt fashion, he has doubled the price of fuel and food in the weeks prior to the election (perhaps to pad his wallet in anticipation of being ousted). Also, the initial election results didn't even include Sweet Mickey for the run-off... Those results were already declared "tainted" because a significant number of people reported their ballots were "filled out" before they had received them. A non-partial recount put Sweet Mickey back on the ballot. I heard a story today about how all of the local stores were pilfered of machetes (long ominous knife used for hacking at things). The rumor is that the Haitian people will slaughter the establishment government leaders if "the woman" wins. If Sweet Mickey wins, the machetes will be returned, and there will be celebration in the streets. God is sovereign, and there is no leader who can overcome His will. Praise be to Him, may His Kingdom come.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Complainer

"Meaningless, Meaningless...Everything is meaningless!" Ecclesiastes 1:2

Isn't that an optimistic statement with which to start your day? Not! It was what I started my day with today, though. And then it really got me thinking about complaining. "Am I a complainer?" I asked a dear friend. "I don't want to be a complainer," I whined. Oh...I realized quickly that then I was complaining about being a complainer. Ugh!

I think what I've come up with is this. This life brings complaints. It is what we do with them that makes all the difference. Do we take them to every person in our path, or do we lay them one by one before the Lord. Sometimes I think it is good and right to share struggles with trusted ones. I know God has brought me much encouragement through that. I guess we just have to be careful that we're not causing someone else's gaze to be stooped down here, rather than fixed up there.

It also got me thinking...what truly brings meaning?

We are born homesick. We long for an existence, a quality of life or a settledness and satisfaction which we've never directly experienced, but which we know exists, or at least ought to. We live in something like a life-long culture shock. Our response to this fact sets the course of our lives. ~James C. Wilhoit
Being a nurse, a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend...all of these roles have brought some kind of great meaning to my life. But none of them truly satisfy. I'm realizing that though there is blessing to be found in everything, true satisfaction can only come from the Lord. If I am looking to anything else to fill me at a given moment, to make me "feel good," then I am ultimately worshiping an idol. Ouch!

Father God, you are my filling, my meaning. You are my true home. Forgive me for complaining. Help me to walk through this world with open hands...seeing what you have for me here, following your tender lead, but not grasping for anything to truly hold onto except for YOU.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Living Fully

There have been many gifts to count this past month or so. Some I've been privileged to see and some that have probably been left unseen as yet. That is one prayer I've been trying to pray daily...that I would have eyes to see. Eyes to see the Lord's beauty, his gifts, even in the most unlikely of settings. They are always there. He is motivated by love for you and me. Every day. He truly is.

Here is a glimpse of some of the 'multitude' from our life...

319. the littlest feeds himself!
325. just me & the boys
327. the accountability of my 3 year-old
330. a puppet show
334. Costco fruit
336. a constant filling~when it seems I should be empty
338. a beautiful day of spring
342. seeing her bow low before her Father
347. holding a little one close as a fever spikes
350. the way they love their stuffed animals
351. my mom lives just down the street :)
357. a friend who desires to bless
361. forgiveness~again
363. the way He guides His word to enter our lives
370. learning to lay it down
374. little puffs of clouds in the sky
375. fresh brown eggs
379. little chicks

380. baby bunnies

388. seeing an attitude improve with correction, discipline...and cuddling
389. celebrating birthday with Grams


394. the way he says "nose"
398. comfort food
401. knowing He holds the outcome
412. boys singing "Tis so sweet"
413. discussion of muscles at dinner


415. uncontrollable giggles
416. little chubby fingers counting to 10
418. this cutest new little nephew's life :)


421. sissies on the maternity ward



422. holding baby Gav's little bum in my hand
424. peaceful afternoon
429. opportunity to help a friend
430. his lunch ministry came home today
434. a beautiful little girl
436. prayers she'll find a song
439. these little flowers


440. a boy proud of himself as he kicked the ball
442. one who gave his "grapes with stems" to his crying brother
445. Doodle's jumps
446. Nana's reading
447. sharing life with a friend
450. hugs for Daddy

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Suffering, Honesty, and Sovereignty

My journey through the Old Testament has landed me in Job this week. Whoa! It's been a tough week of study. I've been in Job before, but this time for some reason God just wanted to take me deeper. I honestly have wrestled with many themes in this book, and have not come up with comprehension or answers to all my questions. But maybe that's the point.

A few things I have learned and want to remember this week are:
  • God doesn't ask us to figure things out. He simply asks us to trust Him. In this world of knowledge overload, it is so tempting for me to want answers to everything. Want to figure it all out. From relationships to medical mysteries to just reasons for the way things are... He gives us guidelines (in His Word), but also freedom (gray areas). He guides by his Spirit, but leaves some things for us to learn about in Heaven. I think we can only truly be content in this mess of life when we are just simply trusting and not scrambling for all the answers.
  • Be honest in our pain. If there's anything Job did a lot of, it was lament! He was brutally honest with the Lord. He did not like his circumstances, and he was clear about that. He even blamed God at times. I was reminded of something through a song by Amy Grant this week:  "The honest cries of a breaking heart...are better than a Hallelujah sometimes."
  • We can think we are going about on the right path, but our eyes are actually half-blinded to the ultimate holiness of our God. This kind of relates to what I just said. So often we think we know it all. Even about God. We know who he is, and based on what he's done in our lives already, we can predict what he might do next or might do in our friends' life. Oh, how I pray my eyes would just be opened! I don't want to pretend I know it all. My little life does not define who God is and what He can do.
  • Just love people...and be with them in their suffering. Job's friends had it right in the beginning. They came to him in his time of need. They sat with him--in silence--for 7 days. I thought that was profound. There were no words (at first). Just silence. And probably tears. Suffering is unexplainable. But God is sovereign. So often when someone is suffering we want to do whatever is humanly possible to step in and help that person, or talk it out with them. There certainly may be times for that, but maybe the best thing is to watch and pray with them, to cry with them. When Job's friends did step in and talk, it quickly became a run around of accusations and misrepresentation of the Lord...it just got messy. So maybe it's best (again) not to try to figure it all out, but to acknowledge God is bigger and He is on his throne--no matter what the suffering on this earth may be; nothing changes that.
I just want to live in humility. Who am I? Who am I to try to understand God? To understand his ways--how he gives, how he takes away? What is wisdom?
"...the fear of the Lord is wisdom, and to turn from evil is understanding." ~Job 28:28
Thank you, Lord, for teaching little me about these things. I am ever aware that I will be learning more about you all my life. I will never have it all figured out. I pray I will not claim any wisdom that you have not given me...in marriage, in friendships, in parenting these boys, in life in general. May I just be real before you & teach my kids to do the same. I don't know how exactly you want us to pray. But I know you want our hearts. You know me better than I know myself. And everything...everything is under your control!
"I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted." ~Job 42:2

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Clarifying purpose

I am back! I have been so blessed by this short time of clarification of my purpose in this virtual world. God revealed plainly to me what he wanted me to do...and not do, I believe. I spend much less time on here, and the lid to the laptop stays closed most of the day. For me, that's the way it needs to be. My main purpose and calling is this family, my husband and these children. I must be faithful to that. He has been so faithful to equip me for this.

What I want to do on here is just leave a legacy. Share the thoughts the Lord has impressed upon my soul. Bless another, perhaps, and bless my children one day. Remind myself in days ahead just where I've come from and what God has taught me along the way.

From my time in Nehemiah this week, I have been so blessed. From my time actually in the past few books of the Old Testament, God has really honed in on this subject of restoration and rebuilding. He is reminding me how he's constantly restoring these holy temples (the physical being of a believer) and constantly equipping us to rebuild things in our lives, for His kingdom's glory. There is so much hurt. So much heavy "stuff" in this world. It's almost overwhelming just getting through a day sometimes, hearing about the hurt and pain in lives around me. But...GOD. When it all comes down to it, that's what matters. He cares. He is always working.

Nehemiah was a spiritual giant, a prayer warrior to lead all warriors! One really cool thing I've learned from Nehemiah is that when I pray I really can (and should) just lay it down, and then walk on in faith. He did that time and time again. A situation arose, he prayed to the God of heaven, laid it at His feet, and then went on doing what he had been called to do. He did not mull over it for days, he did not worry about what everyone else thought of him, he did not try to "fix" everything in his own strength. He left it at God's feet. He didn't pick it back up. He was bold yet humble in his prayers; he did not hold back. He believed God to be true to his word. He desires to bless his children. He desires them to walk in freedom.

This day is sacred to the Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. ~Neh. 8:10 

So, my head up now, I feel a new sense of purpose to walk forward in this thing I have been called to. I am raising little men, loving their daddy, and serving those around me in ways I am called to serve, only by His strength, in His power. May I do what is possible, and leave the impossible to the LORD.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Love...and a confession

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is LOVE: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ~I John 4:9-10

Happy Valentine's Day! Who doesn't love to celebrate love? It's what we were made for...to love and be loved. God is love. I used to get all into the cliche things about this holiday, and I couldn't wait to see who would send me a card or perhaps flowers or some chocolate. I do still like the "feelings" of Valentine's Day. It's just fun! But now it's really become another day to live out what I want to emphasize in our family every day. To know that God loves us and to in turn LOVE one another well! It's nice to have this one day each year to focus on it, though I think my kids are pretty much zoned out due to candy and chocolate overload already!

I wanted to take this opportunity in this post to also confess something. As I said, I desperately want to teach my kids what love means, and how much our God loves them. But I think I am in a season in my life where I need to learn it too. I have the head knowledge of God's love for me of course. I know where to find all the "love verses" in the Bible. But some things in my life recently have led me to believe that I need to take a break and truly bathe in and focus on that love and gain wisdom from all that it means. The confession I'm getting at is my tendency towards addiction...being "sucked in"...to the internet. I felt the Lord has been laying something big on my heart about this for a while now. I know that this is not everyone's struggle, but I am one who has a very hard time concentrating as it is (perhaps an undiagnosed ADD, or maybe it is diagnosed...by my husband). And so when I get on the internet, I am just dead to the world around me. I get in this virtual world, and I ignore these precious little ones that have been given to my care. They call "Mommy, Mommy" and I say "Just a minute," over and over and over. It breaks my heart, even as it is happening. I start reading blogs or facebook and then those lead to other blogs or websites and before I know it I am deeply entrenched in these people's lives and their theologies...and then insecurities creep in about how I'm living my life and what I think of as truth...and all the while I'm neglecting to seek the One who has all the answers for me. My audience of One. It is me before God, it is you before God. I don't want to assume someone else's faith. I want to seek my Lord with an undivided heart.

So, anyway, for a time I'm going to lay low in this technological world. I don't know the exact details of what it is supposed to look like yet. God's still revealing that. And I'm not at all saying that the internet is evil. Please don't hear that & feel any sort of condemnation. The internet is an amazing tool that can be used for so much good in God's kingdom. I have been so encouraged and so blessed. But like anything good, it can also be twisted just enough to be used by the enemy to drive us out of the face-to-face realities we were called to be in, called to LOVE in. Everyone's struggles are different. This just happens to be one of mine.

I'll still be doing my thankful list. I write them all in a journal anyway, just in case the internet crashes and the blog is destroyed and I can never remember what I've been thankful for (no, not really). God is blessing abundantly, even as I write this. I heard recently there is healing in writing. I think that's true. So, thanks for listening to me rant on here a bit. I'm thankful for you, that person who takes a moment of their life to read about my heart. I'll be back :)

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293-318
293. a date with my husband
294. driving the wrong way...and then finding the right way
295. a nature walk in the cold
296. a scarf to warm his hands
297. it's okay to cry, you are still brave
298. peanut butter
299. restoration--constant restoration--of this holy temple
300. peace that prayer brings
301. the folding sheets game
302. 6 am wake up call
303. a good "just us" day
304. baby kisses
305. solid naps
306. a little boy coming out just to say he's not scared of anything
307. I Corinthians 13...said by boys brushing their teeth :)
308. car talks with God
309. chalk smears
310. bouncing a ball to hear his laughter
311. a night with very few calls
312. a day to play outside
313. doing something instead of just thinking it
314. Trust
315. a valentine drawing of "Daddy loves Mommy"

316. heart pancake smiles
317. confirmation of something God is nudging me to do (in this post)
318. a refreshing face-to-face interaction with a stranger

Monday, February 7, 2011

Theology of a three-year-old

This morning at the breakfast table, Luke decides to tell me: "Mommy, when I get to heaven, I'm going to eat lots and lots of muffins." Now, we were not sitting there pondering theological issues, and I hadn't even told him he couldn't have another muffin. To tell you the truth we were all just simply and quietly...eating. And I, with my hands wrapped snuggly around my beloved coffee cup, was completely surprised by this comment, said with a huge grin on his little face. "Well, Luke," I replied, "I think we probably will get to do a lot of things we really like to do in heaven. It's a wonderful place."

The conversation then spiraled on to a couple more comments about heaven and Jesus, and then his brother Jack chimed in and said, "Well, we're not going to heaven for a very long time." And then they all got down and went on their way to running and jumping and chasing and building...all those little boy things they like to do.

Why share this? I guess I have been suprised by the theology of our 3 year-old lately. He has been coming up with the most interesting questions, and totally out of the blue. He is such a fun-loving little guy. He loves a thrill. Most days when it's warm enough, you'll find him riding his bike full speed down the hill of our driveway and running smack into our metal fence at the end...on purpose! And then getting back up to do it again. One day when he was doing what I just described he asked me if I thought God was as mighty as his "super-fast" bike. I felt pretty sure (no, very sure) I could say "yes" to that one!


This morning's "discussion" spurred me to think of heaven, and the many other mysteries of God. It seems that a 3 year-old may understand them and accept them easier than a 30 year-old. Some days I just long for heaven or for Jesus to come back...for all to be made right, for no sickness or disease, no divorce or hurting relationships...to walk by sight, to see His face, to feel his arms. That longing, though, is too easily walled off and put on the back burner as I have to come back to earth, and a basket full of laundry, and move on. I guess part of me might find it hard to believe sometimes. In this world of so much hurting, what must heaven truly be like? It's so hard to imagine. Or if I try to compare it to the most amazing thing I can think of on this earth...can it really be better than that?

The mysteries of God. The faith of a child. I want to believe like that. Accept the mysteries. Walk without doubts. Some days I think I do. But then I'm reminded of something that's really hard. Someone walking through a situation that doesn't seem to be covered with grace, to my human eyes. And yet, His promises remain. That longing deep inside all of us remains. That God-shaped hole. That can only be filled by the One...always faithful...always raining down grace..always drawing us to Himself. May we have eyes to see, and accept, and be thankful for...the mystery.

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#258-290

258. God knows me
259. raw emotion
260. God isn't suprised by anything
261. our days are numbered
262. his care for me in the night
263. stepping out
264. trusting God with what He lays on my heart
265. His mighty hand of protection
266. a day of rest (and a husband who happened to be home that day)
267. that most days my body feels good
268. healing
269. a glorious morning
270. an amazing group of women
271. praises
272. encouragement for our family
273. solid teachers for our son
274. being a nurse has prepared me to not be too surprised by really gross stuff I encounter as a mom
275. he could laugh while getting an unexpected 2pm bath
276. these little ones who keep me grounded
277. freshly baked muffins
278. eggs for dinner
279. hands around a warm coffee mug
280. a playdate
281. his personality
282. yogurt & probiotics (can you tell we were dealing with some GI stuff?!)
283. a date with my little boy :)
284. the Sound of Music
285. a cast of students who truly give glory to God for their amazing gifts and talents
286. that he didn't throw up in the school bathroom
287. a little girl who let us thru
288. an attitude changed
289. small victories that make a huge difference
290. an afternoon of sweet fellowship
291. a quick trip to Target by myself (a rarity!)
292. his little toothy one-year-old smile