Theology of a three-year-old

This morning at the breakfast table, Luke decides to tell me: "Mommy, when I get to heaven, I'm going to eat lots and lots of muffins." Now, we were not sitting there pondering theological issues, and I hadn't even told him he couldn't have another muffin. To tell you the truth we were all just simply and quietly...eating. And I, with my hands wrapped snuggly around my beloved coffee cup, was completely surprised by this comment, said with a huge grin on his little face. "Well, Luke," I replied, "I think we probably will get to do a lot of things we really like to do in heaven. It's a wonderful place."

The conversation then spiraled on to a couple more comments about heaven and Jesus, and then his brother Jack chimed in and said, "Well, we're not going to heaven for a very long time." And then they all got down and went on their way to running and jumping and chasing and building...all those little boy things they like to do.

Why share this? I guess I have been suprised by the theology of our 3 year-old lately. He has been coming up with the most interesting questions, and totally out of the blue. He is such a fun-loving little guy. He loves a thrill. Most days when it's warm enough, you'll find him riding his bike full speed down the hill of our driveway and running smack into our metal fence at the end...on purpose! And then getting back up to do it again. One day when he was doing what I just described he asked me if I thought God was as mighty as his "super-fast" bike. I felt pretty sure (no, very sure) I could say "yes" to that one!

This morning's "discussion" spurred me to think of heaven, and the many other mysteries of God. It seems that a 3 year-old may understand them and accept them easier than a 30 year-old. Some days I just long for heaven or for Jesus to come back...for all to be made right, for no sickness or disease, no divorce or hurting relationships...to walk by sight, to see His face, to feel his arms. That longing, though, is too easily walled off and put on the back burner as I have to come back to earth, and a basket full of laundry, and move on. I guess part of me might find it hard to believe sometimes. In this world of so much hurting, what must heaven truly be like? It's so hard to imagine. Or if I try to compare it to the most amazing thing I can think of on this earth...can it really be better than that?

The mysteries of God. The faith of a child. I want to believe like that. Accept the mysteries. Walk without doubts. Some days I think I do. But then I'm reminded of something that's really hard. Someone walking through a situation that doesn't seem to be covered with grace, to my human eyes. And yet, His promises remain. That longing deep inside all of us remains. That God-shaped hole. That can only be filled by the One...always faithful...always raining down grace..always drawing us to Himself. May we have eyes to see, and accept, and be thankful for...the mystery.

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#258-290

258. God knows me
259. raw emotion
260. God isn't suprised by anything
261. our days are numbered
262. his care for me in the night
263. stepping out
264. trusting God with what He lays on my heart
265. His mighty hand of protection
266. a day of rest (and a husband who happened to be home that day)
267. that most days my body feels good
268. healing
269. a glorious morning
270. an amazing group of women
271. praises
272. encouragement for our family
273. solid teachers for our son
274. being a nurse has prepared me to not be too surprised by really gross stuff I encounter as a mom
275. he could laugh while getting an unexpected 2pm bath
276. these little ones who keep me grounded
277. freshly baked muffins
278. eggs for dinner
279. hands around a warm coffee mug
280. a playdate
281. his personality
282. yogurt & probiotics (can you tell we were dealing with some GI stuff?!)
283. a date with my little boy :)
284. the Sound of Music
285. a cast of students who truly give glory to God for their amazing gifts and talents
286. that he didn't throw up in the school bathroom
287. a little girl who let us thru
288. an attitude changed
289. small victories that make a huge difference
290. an afternoon of sweet fellowship
291. a quick trip to Target by myself (a rarity!)
292. his little toothy one-year-old smile

A season

I started having thoughts last week of sharing about this season of joy that I feel our family is experiencing right now. My heart is just overflowing with gratitude with all the good gifts that the Lord is bestowing on us each and every day. It's amazing. Then, wouldn't you know, I happened to have a very challenging morning with the boys. Thank you, Lord, for humbling me...and for naptime!

The thing is, we all have ups and downs, good days & bad ones. They all sort of swirl together, though, to make up seasons of our lives. And they fly by! The season of being single, of being a newlywed, the season of having our first baby, the season of preschoolers, the season of breaking free, the season of a marriage renewed, the season of hardships, the season of drought, the season of harvest...and on and on. Through every season, though, His mercy remains. And His blessings are abundant. The multitude.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above...from the Father...who does not change like shifting shadows." ~James 1:17 (emphasis mine)

This counting up of blessings has been life-changing for me. Everyone knows it's good to be thankful. It's a popular thing in many religions today. But this time of gratitude for me has been huge in that my eyes have truly been open to seeing God's undoubtable, tangible work in my life. Day in and day out. He is good. He is always good! And He is always at work.

I am no different than anyone else, with struggles and strongholds to overcome. I struggle sometimes to even accept the goodness of God. As if when I am in a season of abundance, I might be standing on the edge of something really hard, of what "might happen next." But thankfully that's not how our God works. He is true to his Word, and he does not change...no matter what season we are in. I want to stand on this edge and say "I trust you, Lord. With an open hand I hold onto these blessings in my life. I lay before you those that I love the most. I trust you."

All our days are numbered. We are here on this earth for but a season. For a time and a purpose. So, for now, I will live in this abundance, in this multitude of life. I will love. I will laugh. I will smile. I will feel peace in my soul. I will give thanks to my Father in heaven. I will follow where He leads. From one season to the next.

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#239-257

239. I'm thankful I still have teeth! (straight from the middle son)
240. an afternoon of uninterrupted sister talk
241. a friend's "crazy" idea that is oh so powerful
242. feeling my nephew's little foot poking out of his mommy's belly
243. celebrating the day of his birth

244. his mother who birthed him
245. lots of little boy artwork to display
246. knee hugs from a one yr. old
247. wonderful mommy friends to hang out with
248. a fun morning at the museum
249. not having to clean up
250. a gracious day of good listening, cooperating and getting along :)
251. a little ring made just for me by a certain 4 yr. old boy
252. he's home!
253. stories of God's faithfulness
254. walls coming down
255. boys loving their daddy
256. laughing together
257. blessing them

Those who are with us are more...

I hate the enemy. That may seem like a weird statement. I wasn't really raised around that kind of talk about the devil. A little too "fire and brimstone" for the church I grew up in. So, sometimes it even makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Well, maybe not anymore. I have discovered...the sneaky snake is real.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy..." ~John 10:10

He cannot steal our salvation. He cannot steal us when our spirit belongs to the Lord. But he can try to steal our joy, kill our peace, and destroy our moments with his whispered lies. He is ugly.

Though I've come to this place of really realizing who this enemy is, I have also come to a resolve that I am no longer going to waste my time on him. When he tries to weasel his way into my thoughts, or into our home, I may acknowledge that it is him, but I am no longer going to dwell there. I think I have allowed him to steal some of my moments by dwelling there. Letting this thief drag me down in the form of "woe is me" type thoughts like: "I'm not good enough at [blank]"..."they're never going to change"..."nothing is working here" (which is a somewhat frequent thought on this journey of parenting).

"Don't be afraid...those who are with us are more than those who are with them." ~2 Kings 6:16

I am blessed with these boys. And they love to battle. They love to wrestle. They can have some wars with the enemy at times themselves (doesn't it seem sometimes he's trying to convince your kids to whine or complain?). I often find myself telling them, "It's okay, you really can choose to do the right thing. You can choose to change your attitude. You can have a happy heart. Talk to God about it. He wants to help you." It's like I can see this battle waging itself out within their little souls. They do what they don't want to do, and they don't do what they really want to do (when it comes down to it). Their flesh is so there. And so is mine. Yet, there is victory.

In this story in the bible about Elisha (2 Kings 6), he comes to a battle where it really looks like there's no way he can win. His servant sees the enemy army with chariots and horses all around them. And then he says to Elisha, "What shall we do?" But Elisha knows. He knows that he knows that he knows that God is with him. That is a promise! God is with us. Always. And He sent his army of angels to protect Elisha that day, and I believe that that heavenly army also surrounds us as we wage this spiritual battle day in and day out. We do not have to figure this thing out alone.

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." ~John 10:10

I am thankful for life. I am thankful for victory. I am thankful that He is greater. Those who are with us are more than those who are with them. Such a gift.

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Continuing to count up the multitude of blessings that He bestows...

#223-238

223. a game of candy land is what's important right now
224. sunshine that warms my soul
225. these wise words from one who loves me..."don't waste your time on the enemy...resolve to set your hunger on the Lord."
226. these words from another one who loves me..."mommy, i want to give you a kiss on the cheek"
227. eyes opened to see a little boy's thoughtful, caring heart emerging
228. a burden lifted
229. growing closer to the child whose behavior is the most repelling
230. Isaiah 41:10

231. a brother who has come so far
232. that every day isn't this painful in mommy-land
233. seeing their excitement to learn
234. an indoor trampoline (the gift of the year!)
235. to get so many things that i so do not deserve
236. the oldest pleading for us to leave the light on tonight so that he could read the bible to his brother (how do you say no to that?!)
237. adaptability
238. AnnVoskamp's blog, her book, and the post from today (click the button below)...an amazing reminder to live fully in the gift of today...

It can wait

I struggle with what to do when. I struggle with the fact that there are so many things that "need" to be done, and then so many good things that "could" or "should" be done, and then something comes up that I didn't anticipate and it "must" be done. What are we to do? I know I've touched on this before, but in a young mommy/wife world, it is constant. And I.am.not.a.superhero. Newsflash!

So I just want to be directed in my days by the One who holds them in his hands. Our time on this earth is fleeting, but a breath. I am thankful for each day that I get to wake up and be part of His work here. I'm thankful that He is faithful to lead, and to teach, and to whisper Truth to my soul. And I'm thankful he's helping me see that sometimes..."it can wait."

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Counting up 1000 gifts...from His multitude of blessings every day.

# 201-222

201. that my husband shovels the snow & ice in our driveway (my feeble attempts are sad, just sad)

202. our first reading lesson--and it worked!

203. working through something with a dear friend

204. kids say the funniest stuff

205. my sissy feels better~an answer to prayer

206. all three singing with me (a glimmer of light after a very trying bedtime hour)

207. a willing friend to love & care for my kids for an afternoon

208. "turning the page"

209. a woman named Felicia

210. the body of Christ "being" the body

211. a faithful servant with His annointing

212. "Lord, prepare me, to be a sanctuary"

213. my friend could rest

214. a welcome home from all my boys

215. one who couldn't stop cuddling

216. the unexpected blessing of a hallway conversation

217. wisdom of boundaries

218. fellowship with sweet friends

219. little helpers

220. beautiful, healthy twin babies born!

221. speaking Truth over me

222. new mercies

Prayer for the suffering

Lord God, I don't want to be oblivious to the suffering. I don't want to even think that I understand their pain. I don't want to act like I understand. There are some unfathomable, catastrophically hard things that go on in this world. I don't understand. Forgive me for trying to in this flesh of mine. I never will. Until the day I see you face to face.

I know you are good. You promise to be with us....always. Why does it seem like it's not a consolation to say that when thinking upon suffering? It doesn't always feel true.

So many questions, Lord. Only you know. Your ways are so much higher.

"Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus. Just to take Him at His word. Just to rest upon His promise. Just to know, 'thus sayeth the Lord.'"

God, you are close to the brokenhearted. You save those who are crushed in spirit. I love you, Lord.

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a reflection from time talking to God about human trafficking...and all other suffering in this world.

Giving to the poor

I am so thankful for all that the Lord teaches me in the course of a week. Man, he's patient with me. It's so humbling.

This past week I feel him showing me what it means to truly be in need. To be poor. I am beginning to think it doesn't really have to do with money at all. If someone has a need for a certain thing, be it physical or spiritual, then they are poor in that area of their lives at that time, right? They have a need to be filled. The cool thing is that God promises to supply our every need.

"Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup. You make my lot secure." Psalm 16:5

And He calls his people to provide for the needs of others. To be His hands and feet.

I think God might intend for that to be a lot less complicated than we make it sometimes. Who should I help? How can I be more involved? Why don't I have more money to give?

It's simple. He provides for every need of everyone on His green earth. We might not always see that or understand how he's doing it (i.e. when we see hurt and suffering). But we have to believe it.

In my simple life, I can see that He is working all the time to provide for needs around me. He places person X in front of me at a given time, to see their need, and to serve him by helping them with it. He gives me an extra amount so that I can turn around and help someone who doesn't have as much, or He does the reverse for me. He makes my path cross with person Y when she is having a really hard day, and I am trying to corral three young boys in a store, and she sees me and I smile and maybe she is blessed. He provides. The Bread of life. He sustains.

How I long to walk with Him, faithfully relying on his provision for my every need. And to give thanks.

"The Lord will guide you always. He will satisfy your need in a sun-scorched land, and will strengthen your frame." Isaiah 58:11

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#184-200

184. my daily Bread

185. watching them play when they think we're not

186. the little boy who spontaneously asked his daddy, "how was your day?"

187. the way the baby says "uh-oh"

188. kissing their chubby cheeks

189. the seeds of courage CD

190. getting back to bible study Wednesdays

191. finishing an amazing book

192. the way their hair smells when i kiss their little heads

193. being able to help a friend

194. a day with nothing to do

195. family wii fun

196. innocent little ones running & laughing in the empty halls of our church

197. his leadership

198. silly jokes from the back of the car

199. learning how to love this boy who tends to destroy things

200. David, a man after God's heart

Resolved

Happy New Year! New beginnings are great, aren't they? A clean slate. A chance to do things right. That is, until you do things wrong. Oh, that only took about less than a day in my house. How about yours?

Though resolutions seem sort of cliche and just meant to be broken, I did resolve to do a few things this year. The thing is that my resolutions are more like just those things that God happens to be working on or stirring up in me at this moment in time. He's always working. It's just a matter of whether we're looking for it, or whether we're attuned to what He's trying to drill into our human skulls. Sometimes I know mine can be pretty thick.

I think the #1 thing He is calling me to this year is to seek wisdom. I don't know why, or even exactly what He wants me to be wise about (though I have a few ideas), but it's like He's been dropping a neon sign in front of me lately that says "seek wisdom." So I think I'll do that! #2 is that I want to be authentic. In faith, in life, in love. I want to be real. Anxiety and insecurity are real battles for me at times. I know He wants me to be free from those chains, and just trust that He is enough. Always enough. The subject of breaking free leads me to #3, accepting Grace. We all fall short. Like I said, it didn't even take me a day to mess up this year! And just as I pray to have grace for others, I need to truly accept the Grace He's given me. I don't want to cheapen what He did on the cross. I want to live in the truth of that incredible sacrifice that has set me free. Amazing Grace. #4 is just that I want to lighten up...to relinquish control. When I feel those reigns start to tighten, I'm usually sweating the small stuff. Or at least it's small stuff in God's economy, in light of eternity. I feel that God is really trying to work on me in this, and I am so thankful. He is making me more aware of it, which is a good first step, and each time I resist the temptation to have a freak out moment I can feel the wave of peace stir in my soul. It's a beautiful thing, especially with these little ones at my feet. And finally, my last "resolve," #5 is that I would simply trust in Him, because He can be trusted. I don't know what this coming year may bring. I'm sure it will bring some pain along with the joys. I just want to trust. His perfect love casts out fear. All for our good, His glory.

So those are my resolutions. A different kind than going to the gym more or cleaning my toilets at least once a week (though maybe I should do those too). I believe God gave them to me for a reason. For this season of my life. He is so patient, so willing to work on me, year after year...for that I am truly thankful.

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 1:6

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Counting up 1000 blessings...from the multitude that He bestows.

#149-183

little boys singing Christmas carols while picking up toys

Peace that comes from a lullaby CD

sometimes I just have to stop & hold a baby boy

He loves me

a white Christmas

cozy in a chair watching the snow & reading a book on Christmas day

playing in the snow with our kids

he puts up with me

he apologized

He is victorious, despite the attempts to attack

little boys excited for a "sleepover campout"

cousins singing "Happy Birthday Jesus" in the batcave

seeing their oldest grow in wisdom & compassion

being with Grandma & Grandpa

my Dad sharing his birthday with my little boy

remembering the days leading up to his birth 3 years ago...

a birthday boy who continually says "Happy Birthday" back to everyone!

bouncing fun

3 very tired boys

a really good visit

we're home

family nap

Lukey's spontaneous "I love you"

audience of One

prayer against the enemy

taking down, organizing, putting away (it feels good!)

new beginnings

the fresh pages of my new planner (yes, i'm a dork)

Psalm 65:11

this post

closing the lid to the laptop

the ways God tugs on my heart

a desire for him to be set free

he is so wise

don't cry over spoiled milk