The way they grow...and a year ahead

 
Our second son turned 4 this past week. Seems like yesterday I cuddled with that sleeping little newborn. He's growing into himself now. He loves anything superhero (particularly Buzz and Spiderman) and he tells me he wants to fly (and i ask him not to try). He is eager to serve others, and loves to give gifts. He is something of an artist, and has taken a lot of interest in coloring and writing his letters this past year. He is passionate (or dramatic), and when he is upset his cry can make you want to hide under a pillow! He's tough as any "all boy" boy, yet his favorite colors are pink & purple. He loves to ride his bike super fast. And he loves to hold & kiss his baby brother.
 
Celebrating another birthday, and thinking over how these boys grow has made us ponder the things that really matter. Our greatest desire for our children is that they grow to know and serve the Lord their God with all their heart, mind, and strength. That they love their neighbors as themselves. And as they grow, we realize more and more that this is not going to be an easy thing for them. They are now under our wing, by God's grace. They are able to grow and learn and mess up with our guidance and direction. All too soon they will face many trials and hardships of their own, out in the world, and they will have to choose whether to go God's way...or the way of their flesh. It is a scary thought. Praise the Lord that He is sovereign, and even my tender Mama's heart doesn't have to worry day in and day out about these things. When I think of it all in the "big picture" view it can take my breath away. Maybe that's one of the blessings of this busy time of life with little ones. We don't have time to really think on all that they may one day face. It's just too overwhelming. Yet the Victory has been won. And we will continue to pray... 

Thank you, Lord, that you give us so many tender moments with our boys as they grow from little to big. Thank you for giving them to us to care for and hold and protect for this short amount of time. May they grow to be warriors for your kingdom, brave knights who love and obey your Word. And may we not take for granted any of these days...even if they sometimes seem long and tiring.

That brings us to the year ahead... I don't have any crazy resolutions, and my husband doesn't really either. Just simple ones. To be wise & intentional with our time. Good stewards of these bodies we've been given. To trust Him more deeply. To walk on the path He has set for us...on level ground.

Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
Deliver me from my enemies, O LORD!
I have fled to you for refuge.

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God.

Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground! ~Psalm 143:8-10

A blessed 2012 from our family to yours!

December flies by

I won't be long today, but I thought I'd put up a few pictures of some fun we've had the past couple weeks. It's hard to believe it's already halfway through December. It crept up so quickly, and now we're almost to day 13 on the advent calendar!! I was looking back at posts from last year like this one and was reminded that I was "grasping for air" then too. I guess it just comes with the season...a certain hecticness that can make you go crazy if you let it (and some days I do). But although these days are filled with many activities and "to do's" on the list, they are full days and I am a good-tired as I fall into bed at the end of them. I am so thankful for the blessing of this family that calls me "mommy" :)

Praise the Lord that the truth of Christmas is that he came to be with us ALWAYS...not only once a year! May His peace rule in our hearts as we prepare to celebrate what He's done for us. That baby boy, Christ our King.



JESUS is our only hope

Today is one of those days when I feel like I just can't do this. Thankfully things have been going well lately, even with a newborn added to the mix! Though my days are often hectic and I hear myself repeating "I can only do one thing at a time" to various children all day long, I have felt God's grace in amazing ways in how he's given me patience and grown me in this call as a mommy. But I will admit that today I just don't feel I'm cut out for the job. Maybe it is the overwhelming tasks looming over my head--like laundry or clutter. Or maybe it's the things that I am frustrated about not getting to--like putting those pictures in an album that i've had sitting around (literally in a pile on an ottoman) since June. Or maybe that i can't seem to find anything when I need it--like the address book that can't be found all the sudden when I need to mail about a zillion thank you notes. Or maybe it's the constant discipline that just doesn't seem to be changing hearts lately.

Life is just frustrating. And honestly it hurts sometimes. It hurts to have things go much differently than you thought they would go. It hurts to have people disappoint you. It hurts to disappoint people. It hurts to see people hurting.

The one thing that I just keep coming back to in my mind, though, is where my hope comes from. JESUS is my only answer, my only hope. The only way. The only truth. The life. He just is. The way I see it is we either live believing that with every bone in our body, or we don't. If God is not bigger than anything we face, then who is he anyway? If he's the God of the Bible, then he is over everything and our only reason for hope in this world. If he can only help us in certain situations or he only cares about some things, then what does it mean when it says, "For from him and to him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever!" Romans 11:36

I cannot explain how I function some days on such little sleep with 4 little boys tugging on me all day long. I cannot tell you how we might be able to homeschool our children (if he calls us to). I cannot explain how hurts get healed. I cannot explain how blessings flow amidst pain...but they do. There is so much in this life that we tend to give up on, or just push under the rug or turn our head or find a way out of. But there is always hope. There is always a way to do the impossible. Jesus is that way. He came to earth to be that way for you and me. I have to stand on that, or I will crumble.

So I will press on. Knowing that even on days when I don't "feel" that I'm cut out for this call, Jesus will equip me to do it...and the mercies will be fresh and new the next morning. He is my hope and stay.

My wayward heart

I'm a funny blogger, if you can even call me that. I sometimes go a loooonnng time between posts. And then I feel a prompting. It's really weird actually. I mean, I'm pretty much never alone these days, yet lately I have been feeling very "alone" with my thoughts. I guess I've been pretty isolated with the new baby. Yes, maybe I'm just a crazy postpartum lady!

Being at home has been a blessing in many ways, but it also feels a little bit suffocating at times. There is always someone or something that has a need that has to be filled by me, and that can get overwhelming. Yesterday morning I was feeling that way bigtime. And honestly it was stealing my joy. One thing after another happened. The enemy is relentless in his ways to get me (and my kids) to act out in our flesh and sin in this battlefield of life. I got to a place where I could barely even remember Truth, let alone declare it out loud, which is what I knew I needed to do. It was a downward spiral. Then my husband came home and told me a simple story of a testimony he heard at church related to Operation Christmas Child. It had really touched his heart. And then it hit me. Newsflash! It's not all about me.

It is not about me. It's about this amazing God and how He is always working, He provides for every need, and He truly does answer every prayer. The glory is HIS.

This is my life. Constant ups and downs. It is so frustrating, yet so real. I wake up talking to the Lord--thanking him and asking for his grace to walk in His Spirit this day. I might even have a praise song in my head from the moment I step out of bed (always an added bonus). And then the day sets in. Babies fuss at the most inopportune moments, toddlers play with everything that's not a toy, preschoolers whine and complain and argue, messes are made, things aren't getting done like I hoped or planned...I'm literally surrounded by things that can tempt discouragement in my soul. I spiral down, then I swim back up for air (that is His grace), I spiral a bit again, then air, then spiral...you get the picture. I so wish it was different. Not that my life was different, but that my response to the potential discouragment be different. How I want to declare Truth like it's in the forefront of my mind in every situation I face. How I want to simply praise God, instead of complaining to Him so often. How I want to choose Joy! And to lay down my wayward, selfish heart that seeks my own comfort all the time.

I know it might sound like I'm a bit down in the dumps right now. Really I'm not (even though my hormones might be a little out of whack!). I am just dealing with those every day ups & downs, all those feelings that swirl around like they have no place to go. The only place for them to go is to my Heavenly Father, who tenderly reminds me of his love and grace, moment by moment.

Truly, I have much to be thankful for...

A beautiful, healthy baby boy

Three sweet, strong big brothers for that baby boy

An amazing husband, who has seen me through 4 hard deliveries, never ceasing to encourage me and pull me through. He is our rock who continually points us all to our amazing God. Such a blessing.
                                                 

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul thirsts for God, for the living God...Why are you downcast, O my soul. Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." ~Psalm 42

Great is thy faithfulness

I've been camping out in Lamentations 3 for about a week now. Well, actually I've been studying the whole book with our ladies' bible study, but if you've ever read Lamentations, it's not super pleasant to dwell on much besides chapter 3! Jeremiah does some serious lamenting, both personally & for Israel as a nation, in this short book of the Bible. I am struck by his honesty, and I love it actually. It is always so refreshing to be reminded that God does not want us to act like we are fine all the time when we come to him. It is so tempting to do that, because we sort of just fall into that in our human nature. Our typical greeting to each other as we pass by is usually a "how are you?" with a quick reply of "doing fine, thanks" or something similar, even if we are in reality on the brink of breaking because of the many burdens weighing on our hearts. We (or I) sort of feel like we have failed or are doing something wrong if we are not fine, if we don't have it all pretty much together pretty much all of the time. But God wants our honest hearts. He knows our true feelings anyway, so why not bring them to Him in humility and surrender? He really cares. He can take our honesty!

And the awesome part is that if we will call this to mind [a true act of the will for me at times] we can have hope:

"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21-23

I've been reminded that despite how some days in my little life I feel quite consumed, I actually am not. Some days when the burdens are great--when it seems like there is just so much to pray for, so much hurt in so many lives...we are not consumed. In the big and little He remains faithful. His mercies are new every single day. No matter what I fear or am anxious about or burdened by; even despite what I just feel inconvenienced by in this life...Great is thy faithfulness.

So that is what I am encouraged about and thankful for this week. Nothing monumental or super insightful...just this simple reminder. I just felt it was right to share it today.

Summer recap

A move, one broken arm, two incidents requiring stitches, lots of swimming, popsicles, ice cream, backyard haircuts, one boy turned 5, trips to FL,  D.C., New Jersey, Tabor City, backyard camping, cousins, grandparents, friends, and a little retreat for mommy & daddy...it was a wonderful summer!!
We feel very blessed.


Now onto Fall...

School, apples, Awana, and a new arrival soon to come... :)

Serving with Joy

I have been reading a few books this summer. I'm the type that sometimes has about 4-5 books "going" at one time. It drives me crazy, and yet I love it. I really enjoy reading, but alas this season of my life doesn't allow for a whole lot of quiet time to just sit with a latte and a good book. One day... :)

Anyway, one of the books I've been savoring is The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. Wow. It's so good! Every time I pick it up I feel like I'm renewed in my purpose as a mom, my God-designed, holy purpose to serve the Lord in serving my children.

"Therefore, I urge you, [sister], in view of God's mercy, to offer your body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship." Romans 12:2

This verse has been one God urged me to put to memory recently. The whole idea of a living sacrifice is so foreign to this world it seems. We do everything we can to be comfortable, to get what we want. Sure, we do good things, but we try not to inconvenience ourselves too much. I do this without even thinking about it sometimes. I want what will make me "feel" good...and I want it now!! But this is not God's way. His way is laying down our rights. Serving. Turning the other cheek. Not always getting what we think we deserve.

When I am alone with 3 little boys all day long, it can be so tempting to think about what I deserve. If only they would understand the sacrifices I make for them...making their food appear in front of them at just the right times, cleaning up after them constantly, reading that favorite book for the hundredth time...and on and on. And oh, I am tired. I've been tired for over 5 years! Don't I deserve a nap, or more quiet time, or more time to click away on the internet? The thing is this kind of thinking is a total trap for me. It is lies from the devil that only can lead to resentful feelings and a heart that is parched and dry. It leads to unhappy children that think they've done something to make mommy discontent.

But alas, I am learning. Praise God that he is gracious and patiently teaching me in this mothering journey. He has gifted so many who I am blessed to have walk beside me and encourage growth, even sometimes in just reading a wonderful book like this one.

Jesus came to this earth with full rights as a King, yet he chose to lay down those rights to serve. He chose to serve because of His great love for us. And like him, I am called to give up my rights and what I may feel I deserve simply out of my great love for Him. I don't want to look at my days and wish I had more time to myself. These little beings are only going to need me like this for a short time. There are no wasted moments. God is using them to refine me just as much as he's using me to train them. Each day, with it's PB&Js and messes and whatever else, is God's perfect will for my life yielded to him.

"Serving with joy in the midst of our messes and difficulty can only be done when we walk in the power of the Holy Spirit. When we see each minute with our children as an opportunity to worship God through our service of Him, our children sense our joy and feel secure and happy." ~Sally Clarkson

We have decided to keep all our boys home this year...I guess you could call it "homeschooling," though we haven't really labeled it that yet. I am trying to teach them some stuff ;) We are in a transition time. Searching and seeking the Lord's will for our family and each individual child. But for now, you can call me crazy. Baby on the way + ages 2, 3, & 5...all boys...all at home. Yeah, I pretty much could walk around with a sticker saying, "yes, my hands are full!" in reply to all the comments I get about it. But ironically, though there are definite moments of craziness, this is undoubtedly what the Lord has called us to for right now. The kids are thriving (most days) and our family life feels content. I really think it's through this process of laying down my rights that I have learned so much about what it really means to serve the Lord. It's just not always easy, and it's not even always what we would choose or picture for our life. But if He calls us to it, He equips us to do it. And there is so much blessing in that.

So, may I serve with joy, may you serve with joy. Each to where and to what we are called...