My wayward heart

I'm a funny blogger, if you can even call me that. I sometimes go a loooonnng time between posts. And then I feel a prompting. It's really weird actually. I mean, I'm pretty much never alone these days, yet lately I have been feeling very "alone" with my thoughts. I guess I've been pretty isolated with the new baby. Yes, maybe I'm just a crazy postpartum lady!

Being at home has been a blessing in many ways, but it also feels a little bit suffocating at times. There is always someone or something that has a need that has to be filled by me, and that can get overwhelming. Yesterday morning I was feeling that way bigtime. And honestly it was stealing my joy. One thing after another happened. The enemy is relentless in his ways to get me (and my kids) to act out in our flesh and sin in this battlefield of life. I got to a place where I could barely even remember Truth, let alone declare it out loud, which is what I knew I needed to do. It was a downward spiral. Then my husband came home and told me a simple story of a testimony he heard at church related to Operation Christmas Child. It had really touched his heart. And then it hit me. Newsflash! It's not all about me.

It is not about me. It's about this amazing God and how He is always working, He provides for every need, and He truly does answer every prayer. The glory is HIS.

This is my life. Constant ups and downs. It is so frustrating, yet so real. I wake up talking to the Lord--thanking him and asking for his grace to walk in His Spirit this day. I might even have a praise song in my head from the moment I step out of bed (always an added bonus). And then the day sets in. Babies fuss at the most inopportune moments, toddlers play with everything that's not a toy, preschoolers whine and complain and argue, messes are made, things aren't getting done like I hoped or planned...I'm literally surrounded by things that can tempt discouragement in my soul. I spiral down, then I swim back up for air (that is His grace), I spiral a bit again, then air, then spiral...you get the picture. I so wish it was different. Not that my life was different, but that my response to the potential discouragment be different. How I want to declare Truth like it's in the forefront of my mind in every situation I face. How I want to simply praise God, instead of complaining to Him so often. How I want to choose Joy! And to lay down my wayward, selfish heart that seeks my own comfort all the time.

I know it might sound like I'm a bit down in the dumps right now. Really I'm not (even though my hormones might be a little out of whack!). I am just dealing with those every day ups & downs, all those feelings that swirl around like they have no place to go. The only place for them to go is to my Heavenly Father, who tenderly reminds me of his love and grace, moment by moment.

Truly, I have much to be thankful for...

A beautiful, healthy baby boy

Three sweet, strong big brothers for that baby boy

An amazing husband, who has seen me through 4 hard deliveries, never ceasing to encourage me and pull me through. He is our rock who continually points us all to our amazing God. Such a blessing.
                                                 

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul thirsts for God, for the living God...Why are you downcast, O my soul. Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." ~Psalm 42