Why strongholds?

I have been pondering this question lately...perhaps caught up in my own defeatedness at times, and other times discouraged by "the world" in general. I mean, why doesn't the Lord just zap us into at least a semi-state of perfection once we see and admit our desperate need for Him?! Why does he allow us to struggle so against the tactics of the enemy? Why does he allow us to still wrestle greatly with our flesh, even after His Spirit dwells within?

The answer is obvious in Scripture. Obvious, yet requiring of constant reminder to my wayward heart.

"...this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." 2 Cor. 1:9

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses...in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Cor. 12:10

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Heb. 12:11

"For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Cor. 1:5

I know that God doesn't perfect us here on this earth for a divine reason. He is so purposeful. He doesn't give us easy formulas or "how to's" for marriage or parenting or even just right living. But He gives us something better...His Holy Word. Living Water. He allows us to struggle, so that we draw nearer to Him, so that we know that we know that we just cannot do this thing without Him. So that we know (and live like) He is our life and breath.

Recently I heard Beth Moore describe our earthly "promised land" as characterized by 2 things: 1) living in consistent Victory (not sinless, not even always happy, but consistently claiming the Victory that Christ died to give us in daily moments of life), and 2) bearing fruit (living in our calling, being impactful for Christ in the sphere of influence He has put us in).

That really struck me. I realized that I was allowing myself to be brought down by my strongholds and let them enter me into a cycle of defeat over and over again. I was not living in my promised land. And that is not where God wants me to be. No matter what circumstance comes my way in this life, no matter how many times a day I think I can't do this, He is the Victory. He has already overcome. It is finished. I came back from hearing that with a renewed heart and steadfast spirit.

I am called to spend my days raising these wild, crazy boys. To allow Him to love them through me. To point them to the Cross every chance I have. To honor Him in my struggles and in my hardships. To cling to Grace as the very air I breathe.

May I hold fast to the One who makes this even remotely possible! May I rejoice in my strongholds and struggles, as He brings me from glory to glory. His grace truly is sufficient...His power made perfect in weakness.

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I was led to this very wise blog post today for a reason...and so I'm linking this post there.

The hard thankfuls

I've been reminded a lot lately, and urged in my spirit, to give thanks in the hard things. It is somewhat easy to make a gratitude list of all the good things.

feeling little baby kicks
grandparents who love my sons
a beautiful day with family & friends

But it's the harder things that I don't naturally give thanks for.

whining children
one brother hurting another
unfulfilled hopes
hard relationships

I can't seem to get the lyrics of the Laura Story song, Blessings, out of my mind recently. What if His blessings come through raindrops? What if they come through tears? What if trials of this life are His mercies in disguise?

I am reminded that God is truly in and over everything. Nothing happens apart from Him--He allows it, He ordains it. Either way, He really is constantly blessing. He really is good...even if I don't "feel" it all the time. His ways are not my ways. I forget that at least once a day. I sit down with my gratitude journal at the end of a hard day sometimes and have to rack my brain to think of what I am thankful for. Ugh!

As Anne Voskamp says, All is grace. Even the ugly can be turned into beautiful by giving thanks. Remembering His faithfulness. Trusting Him to be working all things together for good...always. Thanksgiving comes before the miracle.

So I'm trying to be thankful more for the not so good stuff. The "ugly beautiful." I am seeking freedom there. He is God. I am not. When I try to control all that which does not seem to bring happiness or contentment, or everything that hurts, it just ends up a mess. A cycle of defeat.

A close friend just said to me that the only way hurtful words or actions can truly hurt me (and cause bitterness to root) is if I am not living dead to self. Living the life Christ died to give me. The crucified life. Walking in constant, utter dependence on Him.

Lord, thank you for the hard things today. Teach me how to live completely dependent on you, moment by moment. Trusting you. Believing you. Praising you. May you be glorified...

Gracious healer

Today has been just frustrating. So many little things. I was frustrated at myself and the way I do things...tired of being in a hurry...tired of waiting until the last minute to get things done...tired of my flesh and how it comes out ugly in moments of chaos and stress. Just tired.

Unbelief. That's what it is. I'm not believing that the God of the universe cares about poor little old me and my seemingly insignificant (in the grand scheme) circumstances. But He does...and He heals.

Today I could barely even ask him to heal me. But the prayers of a mother, a husband, a friend...He heard them. He reached down in all his glory to graciously heal my broken spirit. To lift me up and simply say, "It's going to be okay." He is truly faithful. He really does care. May I remember this the next time a frustrating day comes my way. In this world, it probably won't be too far off...

The Lord is merciful and gracious...like a father to his children...he understands how weak we are...But the love of the LORD remains forever with those who fear him. ~Psalm 103 (NLT)

Amen.

Like a bandaid

Letting go of these little ones... I was thinking today, it is a bit like a bandaid being pulled off ever so slowly. You know it has to happen, and it's definitely for the best, but it's hard in the moment. The constant letting go and realizing all over again that we really have no control of or hold on our children.

They are a gift, given to us for a time. But they belong to God. The bandaid will come off completely one day, and though it may be a bit painful, there are so many wounds that will be healed underneath, and that can be celebrated. For as they grow, I grow. As I learn to let go, He is teaching me what it means to bind to Him and Him alone. He is my source of strength...hope...joy...everything.

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles... ~Isaiah 40:31

I was reminded of this sweet little boy that I once held as a baby, when his feet didn't even touch the ground. I held him while he slept, so sweet & sound. Such a gift.

Almost 5 years later, though he doesn't sleep much during the day anymore, recently I had a moment of holding him like that again. Yet I noticed he's starting to grow out of my lap...and soon I'm sure I won't be able to hold him like this anymore. Letting go.

And this week, as he "graduated" from AWANA Cubbies & preschool, I found my eyes surprisingly welled with tears. More moments of letting go. Releasing him to go into the world and decide what he believes and then live that out. We pray he chooses the way of the wise. We pray he walks in the ways of the Lord. But we cannot choose for him. We cannot cling. We cannot control. He has to fly. I am thankful today that his wings grow relatively slowly ;) These days do seem long sometimes, but the years truly are short.

We love you, Jackson. We are so proud of you!

Thanksgiving...for His glory

In this life it is so tempting to live to glorify ourselves. It creeps in. Do I have that person's approval? Do they like me? Do they think I'm a good Christian? Do they think I'm a good wife or mom or friend?

I am studying this week in Anne Graham Lotz's bible study, Pursuing more of Jesus. She is a very gifted woman of God, yet I am struck by her humility. She doesn't have it all figured out necessarily, even if she is a "Graham." She's just another believer walking this walk, running this race, striving to live for His glory.

As I am reminded in John 17 that Jesus lived to glorify His father--even Jesus, who is the Father himself--I am humbled to realize that though this is my greatest desire, maybe I don't do such a good job of it sometimes. In my outward actions I might do okay, but in my thoughts I can easily get sidetracked by that self-glorifying mentality.

So, I am pondering this today. Praying that I can live to glorify my Father in heaven. Only. Laying down all those distracting thoughts that plague me. Focusing on this job He has for me to do today. Thanking Him for being so patient with me, so willing to give me a myriad of second chances. Thanking Him for blessing me--continually--with tangible blessings, big and small, and most of all, with the blessing of His presence. His Spirit.

Here's a little glimpse of one of my "thankfuls" from my gratitude journal this week...
#557. the pure & simple joy of our one year old :)

My mission

Being a mom is hard. I have been graciously reminded again recently that it is also this huge blessing, this high calling. Truly, it is my mission.

It is so easy to say I am really "just a mom." When I think of all I do in the course of a day, sometimes it amounts to many tedious tasks that don't really mean a lot to the world. Meals. Clean-up. Laundry. Driving. Meals. More clean-up. More meals. More clean-up. Fold laundry (or think about it at least).

But then there are the moments. The gracious moments that I believe God gives because He truly does care about us moms.

• The way they say "Ma-ma" and run to show me anything and everything that their little hands pick up.
•  The way that only mommy can kiss their hurts or hug their boo-boos just right to make it better sometimes.
• The way their silliness and joy in life just makes me smile and laugh.
• One who tells me that his highlight of the day was just "being with you, mommy."
• One who tells me "I love you a lot, Mommy, but I love Jesus the most," and melts my heart. 
• And one whose huge sobs in the night slowly subside as he grips my shirt and I rock him and pray.

It's these moments that remind me of the blessing of motherhood. There are so many moments. Some that seem they'll never end (like tantrums that threaten to damage your hearing). Some that I wish would never end (like the way they still want to cuddle and hold my hand). All of these moments point me to my God. His love for me. His saving grace.

On this Mother's Day, I could hope for breakfast in bed, or a really well thought out handmade card or gift, but ultimately I already have the best gift of all. God has entrusted me with these little beings, with their very lives. They are His. But I have the high calling to teach them, to nurture them, to lead them to Him, day in and day out. I am not good at it in my own strength. But by His strength and grace He has equipped me to be their one and only mommy.

"[May I] walk in a way worthy of the calling with which [I've] been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with [my children] in love." ~Ephesians 4:2

Some fun

David loves sheep! Who knew?!

Two boys learning to blaze the trail...

Family hiking day

 Jack starts his first sport...soccer!

His 2 silliest fans

First game day!

 Our Resurrection Garden

Good Friday...

     ...Easter Sunday!

Some egg coloring with Nana

Easter 2011

He is Risen!