The hard thankfuls

I've been reminded a lot lately, and urged in my spirit, to give thanks in the hard things. It is somewhat easy to make a gratitude list of all the good things.

feeling little baby kicks
grandparents who love my sons
a beautiful day with family & friends

But it's the harder things that I don't naturally give thanks for.

whining children
one brother hurting another
unfulfilled hopes
hard relationships

I can't seem to get the lyrics of the Laura Story song, Blessings, out of my mind recently. What if His blessings come through raindrops? What if they come through tears? What if trials of this life are His mercies in disguise?

I am reminded that God is truly in and over everything. Nothing happens apart from Him--He allows it, He ordains it. Either way, He really is constantly blessing. He really is good...even if I don't "feel" it all the time. His ways are not my ways. I forget that at least once a day. I sit down with my gratitude journal at the end of a hard day sometimes and have to rack my brain to think of what I am thankful for. Ugh!

As Anne Voskamp says, All is grace. Even the ugly can be turned into beautiful by giving thanks. Remembering His faithfulness. Trusting Him to be working all things together for good...always. Thanksgiving comes before the miracle.

So I'm trying to be thankful more for the not so good stuff. The "ugly beautiful." I am seeking freedom there. He is God. I am not. When I try to control all that which does not seem to bring happiness or contentment, or everything that hurts, it just ends up a mess. A cycle of defeat.

A close friend just said to me that the only way hurtful words or actions can truly hurt me (and cause bitterness to root) is if I am not living dead to self. Living the life Christ died to give me. The crucified life. Walking in constant, utter dependence on Him.

Lord, thank you for the hard things today. Teach me how to live completely dependent on you, moment by moment. Trusting you. Believing you. Praising you. May you be glorified...