Delight vs. Duty

What do I really enjoy? What are the "pleasures" of this life that I spend time thinking about or trying to obtain? Who do I really enjoy?

These are questions I've been challenged with recently. It has been really convicting. The first principle of the Westminster shorter catechism states that "Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever." Last spring we taught our older boys that truth. Today I am realizing I'm not sure I know how to enjoy God, and I desperately am seeking to learn more.

When I think of my "bent" in life, it is to serve, to do. Give me a list and I'll make those checkboxes and get it done. Tell me how to help someone in a tangible way and I'm there. Give me something to clean, and though I may not love the process, I'll sure feel that sense of accomplishment when I'm done. Give me something to learn or to know, and I'll get a coffee and dive into some books.

Though there is nothing wrong with how God made me (and many others) to enjoy serving and doing, I think he is trying to teach me that what I know about him is meant to affect me in a feeling kind of way. What I do to serve Him is meant to be connected to my desire for God, as a form of worship and enjoyment of Him.

And this concept spills over into my family. As I came home from hearing a message about this topic the other night at Bible study, I was hit with the reality. I went to tuck in my kids one last time before I headed to bed, and I realized that when I'm in their rooms I usually pick up a couple things, straighten their sheets and pillows, and make sure their feet are covered nicely. I don't always take the moment to just put my face by their face and whisper love or a prayer over them, or even just to hear them breathe, thankful they are there. Though I have done that before, it's not my tendency. That reality struck a cord. I want to enjoy my kids. I want them to see that I enjoy them and that I want to be with them, not just to serve them and take care of them, which is my "duty" as their mother.

I don't write about this because I have the answer. Like I said, I'm wrestling with it. Praying that God will teach me how to enjoy Him more, that He will give me a greater sense of what it means to truly love Him, and not just the gifts that He gives.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." ~Psalm 37:4

"I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God..." ~Isaiah 61:10

I think kids probably know how to enjoy God better than grown-ups. Maybe because they're not bogged down by the weight of this world. I don't know.

Lord, may I learn to enjoy you, to delight in you, to love you more. And may I also learn how to do that better with my husband and my kids.