I could have been one of "them"

Today is Good Friday. A day of reflecting on the incredible sacrifice of our Lord. As I was reading the account of the crucifixion in the gospel of Matthew this morning, something pretty profound hit me. Some of Jesus' mockers, as he hung there upon the cross--dying a criminals death--some of them hurled insults that sounded more like unbelief than actual hatred. Almost like they wanted to believe. Yet something in them held them back. And pride quickly kicked in.

"He saved others...but he can't save himself! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in Him. Let God rescue him now..." Matthew 27:42-43

We are all made with a God-shaped hole. A void in our soul that only He can fill. I realized today that when I've read this before I think I have mistakenly thought of those "mockers" as people who are far removed from where I am. Surely I would have been one of the women who was weeping at his feet, who believed with every fiber of her being that He was who He said He was, despite his awful circumstance at that moment in time. Right?

Maybe I'm more of a mocker than I realize. How often do I seek some sort of sign or tangible message from God when I am feeling like He is not there? How often do I question if He really cares about a situation that I'm in? Would I have been there saying, "Lord save yourself. Please! I know you can!" While thinking, "Then I will truly believe."

As I am praying for our boys in this challenge of 21 days of prayer for sons, I have come to be humbled in a big way. Parenting in general is pretty humbling. But it is also easy at times to think we're "better" than these little fleshly beings in some way. I mean, we are pretty much always assuming we know best as parents. We get to tell them what to do...all the time. "If only they would get it!" we think to ourselves as they do the same disobedient thing over and over again. It's tempting to puff up with pride just a little bit. And then I do something or say something awful in reaction to their behavior, and I am quickly placed back in reality...

"All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

Praying through the fruit of the Spirit this week... Desiring our sons to walk in patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness... It has humbled me that I do not always walk there. I find myself at times in a state of unbelief. Not believing that He has died for me. That His Spirit is in me. That all I have to do is call on Him, claim what He has already given me, and then walk this walk of trust and belief, no matter where the next steps may lead.

I am so thankful for this humbling revelation today. I pray that we can pray and believe all that is ours in Christ Jesus. "While we were still sinners, He died for us!" (Rom 5:8) I am still a sinner...a mocker. But I am praising a Savior.

Prayer changes things

God is so cool. He really does work things out in such an amazing way. I once heard of God's plan described like a tapestry. The back of it looks a little messy; sometimes you're not really sure where different strands are going and if it all makes sense. But then you flip it over and it is a beautiful work of art. A masterpiece.

I guess I thought of that analogy because God truly has done a work in leading me to where I am today in being a mom of 3 boys. I once wondered if He knew what He was doing. I never used to dream I'd be in a house with this much testosterone. The energy levels amaze me. The differences amaze me. There's not much sitting and coloring or playing house going on (some of my favorites when I was little). There's a whole lot of battling and "fighting the bad guys" that occurs. But He has a purpose. He has brought me such a long way in 5 years! He has shown me that this is what He meant for me. And now, with another little one on the way, I finally can feel a sense of peace that truly it might be a boy...4 boys....and we will be okay if so!

I have been blessed to find a sort of 'community' of boy moms through the MOB society and now Warrior Prayers. I don't necessarily make it to the blogs every day, but I always find that God leads me to just the right post at just the right time. It really is cool. And that's what He did with 21 days of prayer for sons.

So, I embarked on 21 days (weekdays in April) of prayer about 2 weeks ago, and it has been amazing. Tom and I are praying specific scriptures (outlined in Brooke's ebook, Warrior Prayers) regarding topics like obedience,  pride, submission to authority, integrity, purity, love, joy, peace...

I can't say that it's been like a magic wand waved over our house, but I truly do sense a change since I started this. A move toward more peace...more patience...more love...more joy! We have always prayed for our sons, but this is so much more. I feel like I'm in constant conversation with God about them, and that changes my attitude toward them. It helps me realize that they are works in progress. It gives me more compassion towards them, more patience with them (which I run low on when I'm feeling sick and tired!). It humbles me, too. I realize I need to pray these scriptures in a specific way for myself, and  for Tom also. This Christian-life "thing" is not a one-day deal. It's a constant refining process. Daily. A constant turning back of focus. Refocusing on Christ and all He's done for us. Allowing His Spirit to work in and through us. Living for His glory. Bearing much fruit.

I pray these little boy hearts will know that there is a big God who loves them with an unfailing love. I pray that their hearts will turn to Him forever. And I pray that they will live and walk in Victory, claiming all that is ours in Christ Jesus, all the days of their lives.

Thank you, dear Lord, for hearing our prayers...

Final thoughts from his mission trip

Day 8: What Haiti taught me.

As I was sitting on the plane on the way back to the States, I couldn't help but play the last week over in my mind and try to pin a few life lessons down. So here goes...

Lesson #1: A cold shower at the end of a very hot day is actually quite nice. This one relates to my ridiculous worries about the future. It may seem small, but in preparation for this trip, I was a bit anxious about the report of "no hot water" at the SP compound. I guess I place more importance on comfort than I realized. What I feared, however, was instead an incredible blessing.

Lesson #2: Priorities... I met some incredibly poor people this week. They would kill for the lifestyles of some of the poorest people in the US--literally. We were warned not to give "gifts" out to the patients, or even the Haitian staff, because they had learned it could quickly lead to a physical fight. There were a few babies we saw that were exceptionally malnourished. For one reason or another, the mothers had been forced to stop breastfeeding at 5 or 6 months instead of 1+ years like normal. In those cases, we tried to give them a nutritional "paste" called Plumpy (a tasty concoction of fat and sugar, and 1 small pouch had 500 calories). The other mothers saw this and immediately wanted it for their children. I got the impression that if we weren't in a "secure" environment, it could have gotten ugly.

It's strange to see people willing to fight over food, but still placing a priority on having a cell phone... Just like home, right? I do it too, I know. I wonder what God thinks about our "priorities.". Unfortunately, I think my view of life has been so clouded that I can't really even see what God wants my priorities to be.

Lesson #3: My idea of "right" is only as true as it lines up with the Creator's definition of right. In a security briefing by the SP personal, we were told that if our driver hits another car or person, they will immediately leave the scene of the accident. The reason is that the Haitian idea of justice would be to drag the passengers out of our car and kill us... A version of an eye for an eye. With that in mind, Praise the Lord we never hit anybody! I'm pretty sure that's why God wants us to leave the judging to Him. One fundamental problem I see with my idea of right is that it is based on the principle that death is the worst thing that can happen to someone. A more Biblically appropriate basis for right would be to base the idea of it on "eternal separation from God" as the worst possible end. With that perspective, a lot of the "why do bad things happen to good people" questions would evaporate into thin air... No one is good other than God, and my imperfect idea of right should take a back seat to what He ordains.


Lesson #4: I miss my family... About 6 months ago, God put a question on my heart: "what is fasting all about?" Honestly, I don't think I'd ever thought much about it, and I've personally not heard much about it in church. When I had thought about in the past, I was hindered in my spirit because I felt I couldn't do it without having a sense of pride about accomplishing some version of self sacrifice. Earlier this year, I began by studying Isaiah 58 and confirmed that that "self-serving" fast indeed was not what God wants. I had also been convicted some time ago that my inability to perform a task without feeling prideful should never hinder me from giving God my best... He deserves our best.

So what is fasting? Food certainly comes to mind. Many people I love dearly have fasted from food in different ways in the recent past. As I have observed, I have been fascinated with their journeys. One obvious thing I learned is that God calls us to different things at different times. What may be right for me right now, may never be what He intends for you. Another thing I observed was the temptation for some to say during their fast: "Hey, this really isn't that bad, maybe I could keep doing this for a while." I know their hearts were right, as much as you can ever know that of someone else. However, that statement, I believe, is not the heart God desires of our fasts. What is most important to us in this life? Would you give it up if God asked you to? I think a "fast" is God's way of proving to us that we are as committed to Him as we hope we are. He certainly gains nothing from me living some aesthetic form of self denial. He certainly can and will use depravity, however, to teach us much about His kingdom and our place in it.

So, with much pain and trembling, I felt God calling me to "fast" from my beautiful wife and precious children, the ones I hold most dear on this earth. I felt this call in December (5 months ago), but I'm honestly just now putting it together. God provided this trip to Haiti not to bring separation between me and my family, but to enthrone Himself as absolute Lord in my life, even over these most previous of gifts He has blessed me with. He has been faithful to sustain me this past week. It was not easy. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do actually, but He sustained me. Though I know He may call me to other similar trips, I would never be able to say "this isn't so bad."

Lesson #5: Paul never traveled alone... I praise the Lord for my good friend Adam. It's a miracle of our gracious God that He was even on this trip. If you only knew all the things that had to "fall" into place for him to come with me, you would be amazed. I'm not at all implying that his purpose on this trip was simply hold my hand. On the contrary, I saw God work on and through Adam in many ways this week. I know he was stretched beyond his comfort zone, and I'm sure he felt at times like he had little to offer (I think we all did). However, I saw him befriend and minister to more of the Haitian staff than just about any other "short timer" there. What I am saying is that God did not intend for us to fly solo. I pray that I encouraged and supported Adam as much as he did me. So whether he was my Silas or I was his, I don't really know, but I have a feeling that God intended us to serve that purpose for each other.

Lesson #6: Evil can be hard to see when you're at home. I was struck while in Haiti by how obvious evil was. From stories of voodoo zombies and baby snatching to gangs, murder and political corruption, the work of "the opposing team," was painfully vivid. It stood out in dramatic fashion against the work being done for God by SP and the Haitian Christians I met. It's not nearly so obvious here in the States. I know we have plenty of violence and corruption here, but for the most part, I'm either sheltered from it or hardened towards it. The TV news gets so excited by the dramatic tragedies that occur here that it almost seems like an extension of Hollywood. In a sick way, it becomes entertainment, far from "real" life. As I've been processing this trip, however, I'm beginning to realize that the old snake from the garden is simply up to his old tricks again. If that worm can convince us that his evil enticements (lying, cheating, pornography at the grocery store checkout, hate...) are either commonplace or things that happen "somewhere else", he's that much closer to pulling our hearts away from God. It's no different in Haiti. I read a statistic that Haiti is 75% catholic and 90% voodoo. As I watched child after child come into the clinic with a voodoo charm around there neck, I began to understand a little about life back home. Most of these families professed to believe in Jesus, and yet they still put these charms on their children for "protection". How many things do we accept, or openly participate in, simply because it's part of our culture? Sure, it's not voodoo, but are these exceptions to our complete devotion to God's way any less displeasing to our King? I think not. I pray that The King of Kings will point out the things in my life that are watered down, or just plain evil, and set me free from the lie of a moderate Christian life. He either is Lord of my life, or He is not. God, give us eyes to see...

There are so many other lessons I learned on this trip, like "it would be better to fly from Greensboro to Canada rather than through the Miami airport ever again", and "man, there are some really strong Christians in Canada (they outnumbered us Americans by a good margin down there!)", and "you can haul just about anything on a motorcycle, even a bundle of 12 feet long rebar"... But, I'm about to make my final decent back home, and those stories will have to wait for another time. Thank you thank you thank you for your prayers and support, and thank you for reading this. I pray that you have been blessed by it in some small way. Praise be to the God of Heaven and Earth, may His Kingdom come.


-Tom

His Mission

My husband recently embarked, with one of his closest friends, on a 7-day medical mission trip to Haiti with Samaritan's Purse. I am so proud of him. Proud that he is just following the lead of the Lord and trusting in Him, step by step. I know I'm biased, but I do love him so :) I am privileged to walk with this man through this life. I praise my God for him.

Anyway, he has been sort of "logging" some journal entries from each day of the trip. And he graciously has allowed me to share them on here, to update loved ones and to share what God is up to in Haiti...
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Day 1: MIA

Well, the trip started out with a bang... Quite literally. Except, the bang happened two days before we left for Haiti at the Miami airport when lightening struck a fuel tank sending huge balls of flame and smoke billowing into the sky. It may seem minor, but that "act of God" created a microcosmic fuel shortage that temporarily created third world conditions at the airport and led to the final leg of our trek being cancelled. So here I am stranded in an over priced Best Western, 20 minutes from the airport, praying that the a.m. flights won't also be cancelled. Did I mention that my bags were getting to spend the night at the Miami airport free of charge. Despite the best attempts of the ticketing agent in Greensboro to heroically save my bags from this fate, they were in fact not rerouted off the plane in Miami, but were instead detained somewhere in the bowels of MIA. The not-so-helpful agent informed me that on a "regular" day they would have been able to pull the bag for me, but due to the current situation that would be quite impossible. That was right after she told us that the airline had no intention of helping us out with lodging, meal, or any other expenses we could incur because they were not "at fault" in this situation. I'm not quite sure about anyone else, but when I pay over 800$ for a plane ticket, I kinda expect them to have some sort of contingency plan for "fuel shortage type situations." I guess I'm expecting too much. It does, however, throw into sharp refrain the plight of the people in Haiti and many other places like it. I pondered that as I sat munching on a number 1 combo, "stranded" at a Chick-fil-a one block from our hotel. It just made me feel a little guilty about whining over the fact that I would likely still be wearing these same clothes this time tomorrow. God is Lord over all, and I know His ways are higher than mine. It will hopefully motivate me more to make every moment count, and not to turn a blind eye to those less fortunate. As I sleep in my nice air-conditioned room tonight, I pray that the other 10,000 "stranded" passengers will draw a little closer to the God of the universe. To Him be all Glory, even in my inconvenience.


Day 2: Arriving in Haiti

Haiti is so different than I imagined. I guess I had to imagine something, but it certainly wasn't based on reality. The reality is as follows (based on the few hours I've been here, so it's definitely subject to change): the airport is chaos just like everyone said it would be. The plane landed right on time. I was still brushing the crumbs from my shirt, remains of the snack served on the plane, when I descended the jet way stairs listening to the five-piece live band playing for tips. The "band" consisted of a banjo and various other percussive instruments that made me feel like I was actually entering the tropical paradise Haiti should be. Customs wasn't nearly as scary as it could have been, and the 200 or so people searching through the piles of luggage ended much better than I dreamed it would... Praise the Lord, forgive me for doubting, and I thank Him for bringing all my luggage here completely intact! Walking out of the airport, there were at least 60 desperate men scrambling to "help" with my luggage. I was comfortably pulling my two bags down the sidewalk, clearly the only possible way to go, as one man insisted he was there to show me the way out. We were waiting for the other SP volunteers for quite some time, and he just stood there looking slightly pitiful at my side until I felt compelled to give him a couple dollars. I'm hopeful he will make better use of it than I could.

The van ride to the SP compound was more like an amusement park ride than anything else. Bikes kept darting across the road from behind piles of rubble. The road was in such bad condition that driving on the right or left side of the road seemed equally acceptable. As long as no large trucks were coming straight towards you. We got here safely... again, praise the Lord. On a superficial note, Haiti is quite arid, and there are very few trees. The beaches are beautiful, but I didn't see anyone out enjoying them. There are goats everywhere... someones future dinner I'm sure. We got to the compound at about 10:45, so the medical teams had already gone out for the day. SP has a huge presence here, and they are doing so much more than just medical things. It's really cool to see. God is surely at work here...


Day 3: Cholera

© Julie Dermansky

Cholera stinks. Well, actually, it didn't seem to have much of a smell. It is an incredibly bad disease, though. I have learned that Haiti never had cholera before the earthquake. Supposedly it came in with the UN relief workers. I think it was Satan. In His usual fashion, God is using it for good. People are coming to know the Lord daily at SP's clinics, and these are a people who desperately need Him. On my first day in the cholera treatment center (ctc), I saw children lose more than a liter of fluid in a single episode of "toilet," as the Haitians say. I also witnessed the Lord bring a few children from utter lethargy to happy playful boys and girls within a few hours. The doctors and nurses would laugh at these mischievous little half-dressed rascals and say "man, that kid needs to go home!". The next minute they would be back at the "toilet", which was actually just a hole cut into the wooden bunk they were laying on with a bucket underneath. ( I guess I should apologize for the graphic nature of this entry, but I'm actually holding quite a bit of detail back.). Samaritan's Purse has done an unbelievable job of hiring, training, and incorporating Haitian nationals at every level of it's operation here. I'll list a few categories of positions the nationals are employed in by SP (for more detail: see Adam Williams' post on fb dated 3/28/11). Here goes: doctors, nurses, translators, security, water treatment, drivers, rubble removal, lumber processing (for the temporary shelters), cooks, housekeepers, chaplains, even water spigot operators (people at the clinic who turned the water spigot so we could wash our hands with bleach water and bar soap). I can't say enough about the full time SP staff either. They are sold out for the Lord. Most of them have committed to a year or more of cold showers (no hot water here). They may not start out as experts at what they are doing, but the Lord quickly changes that. He is so good. His mercies never cease. May His holy name be praised forever. More to come tomorrow. I'm exhausted!


Day 4: Harsh Reality

It has truly been a pleasure to work alongside Haitian nationals and to take care of the humble, friendly Haitian families. It is a bit unsettling to think about their reality. There are interpreters that work in the clinic that really make the place work. They have helped me communicate with patients and nurses, taught me some Creole, answered cultural questions... the list goes on. These guys are extremely intelligent and have basically taught themselves English by reading books and "watching American movies". One of them, Namarre, told me today that he lives in a tent, and rides to work on a tap tap (a Haitian taxi... basically a pick-up truck with way too many people in the back) or on the back of a motorcycle. The motorcycles are more expensive. The other man is "the only person in his family who has a job," so at age 28, he has to support his entire family (parents and siblings). Praise the Lord for these men!


Unicef
Somehow with so little in the world to call there own, the Haitians all have cell phones, and apparently fb pages too! If you see an unused electrical outlet in the clinic (or anywhere for that matter) it will have a cell phone plugged into it. Somehow this place functions...

Praise the Lord that He is on His throne... Even now, even here.

Day 5: Harsher Reality

I was reminded today of a very disturbing story about Haitian history. In the 1800's, at the time of the Haitian slave revolt against the French colonists, the leaders of the revolt got the people together and supposedly they sold their souls to the devil in order to win. Voodoo is still a big part of the culture here. One of the articles I read prior to coming here said that Haiti was 70% Catholic and 90% voodoo. One of the interpreters today told us a story of how a whole town in Haiti has cursed each other to have one large foot. Another story involved a voodoo priest who died and supposedly the TV news ran a story showing pictures of 150 zombies that were at his house. The news told people to come pick up there family members and "rehabilitate" them. Yet another was about how the people commonly believed that the priests could turn people into animals. If you purchase meat in the market and it bubbles when cooked, it probably used to be a human. My good friend Adam posed the question as to whether God "punished" the evil behavior with the earthquake or whether it was more of a "natural consequence". We couldn't come up with a good answer for that; however, I am sure that what Satan meant for evil, God meant for good. He has used this earthquake to open the doors for organizations like SP to come in and share the Gospel, and he has opened the hearts of many Haitians to receive Jesus Christ as Lord of their lives. I commented to one of the chaplains that I couldn't imagine some of the stories of danger and violence to be true of the wonderful Haitian people we work with in the clinic. He said there are "two" Haiti's. Their are 14 major gangs in City Soleil. Murder is common and no one will go out after dark. In fact, none of the families we treat will leave after about 4 pm because they might not be home before dark. SP has hired a few former members of each of the gangs to work as security. They have given their lives to Christ and can open even more doors into the darkness that is "the other Haiti".

So please, dear Lord, let your Light shine into the darkness...

Day 6: Kids really are the same everywhere...

Gary Martyn
I solidified that thought in my mind today as I pulled a button out of a 2 year old Haitian girls nose. It also confirmed Gods sense of humor since I had done the exact same thing the week prior in the USA. Today I was in the "general" clinic in Cite Soleil. I saw quite a few ear infections, a couple pneumonia's, a few stomach viruses, and the rest of what I saw made me think I should go back to medical school. Mumps! I mean... Come on. There were also quite a few kids with moderately high fevers who I would have gently dismissed back at home... Here I put them on malaria medications just in case. There some very practical differences too. At 6 am about 150 people were lined up outside the clinic to be in line for the 8am start. They waited on concrete benches with no air conditioning until their names were called. Since it was only me and a Haitian doctor, the staff decided to limit the line at about 2pm (clinic closed at 3pm). This caused a little scuffle as people tried not to be excluded, but if that had happened at home, I probably would have been assaulted and then sued. One of the other cool observations about 3 year olds in Haiti and the US is the universality of "giving five," it almost always makes them smile. Anyway, these similarities brought to mind that we all share the imprint of our maker... The Alpha and Omega, the Author and Perfecter of our faith. I am reminded that we are citizens of His Kingdom just living in enemy occupied territory, and one day soon He will return to reclaim that which was His from the beginning.

Day 7: Dogs and elections

Every Haitian I have met has been consumed with one topic of conversation...the pending election results. A few weeks ago, there was a run-off between "the woman" and " Sweet Mickey.". The woman is the wife of a former president of Haiti, a lawyer, and a professor. Sweet Mickey is a Haitian compa singer (equivalent to American pop singers) who was known for dressing in a skirt and bra (did I mention he is a man?) and frequently used lyrics laced with profanity. The "woman" represents the entrenched, corrupt government establishment, and as one well educated Haitian woman stated: "if there had been a dog on the ballot, the people would have voted for the dog before this woman.". In their minds, she represents the source of all of Haiti's problems. It seems that the outgoing president is equally opposed to Sweet Mickey. He has vowed that he will not relinquish power to the compa star. The current president hasn't done himself any favors, though... In typical corrupt fashion, he has doubled the price of fuel and food in the weeks prior to the election (perhaps to pad his wallet in anticipation of being ousted). Also, the initial election results didn't even include Sweet Mickey for the run-off... Those results were already declared "tainted" because a significant number of people reported their ballots were "filled out" before they had received them. A non-partial recount put Sweet Mickey back on the ballot. I heard a story today about how all of the local stores were pilfered of machetes (long ominous knife used for hacking at things). The rumor is that the Haitian people will slaughter the establishment government leaders if "the woman" wins. If Sweet Mickey wins, the machetes will be returned, and there will be celebration in the streets. God is sovereign, and there is no leader who can overcome His will. Praise be to Him, may His Kingdom come.