Putting the Armor on

In this house, there are many battle scenes going on at any given time. Sometimes (on good days) it is 3 brothers fighting as a team against their imaginary enemy; sometimes it's one of those brothers against another (on a not so good day). And still other times it's this weary mama, trying to fight those spiritual battles of my flesh that try to creep in and destroy my day.

I have been giving much thought to this putting on armor thing, especially now that my husband decided to make the boys some all-out swords and shields (from duct tape, no less!), and it seems they are constantly running around in a battle. Their focus has been mainly on getting the bad guy. Sometimes, they are even talking to each other about "fighting Satan." Thankfully they don't fully understand what that means yet (do any of us?) but it is real to their little minds, and they always have him beat.

I, on the other hand, often feel like I am in a losing battle in this world. I'm tired of living in defeat. I spend many moments lingering over failures and feeling shame or guilt over one mess-up or another. I spend many moments trying to be better, or if I am really honest, am I trying to earn grace? Maybe I just need to stop trying. I was recently confronted with the concept of "imputed righteousness." I say confronted, because I believe I sort of knew what the concept meant, it was packed away somewhere deep inside when I first came to know the Lord, but I needed it to hit me smack in the face once again, so that maybe I could really get it this time.

Imputed righteousness is the righteousness of Christ that is completely placed on us through faith. That is, we can do nothing to earn it or to make ourselves "more righteous" than we already are. We can do NOTHING! Not even fight those battles. They are not ours to fight. God looks at a child who has declared him Lord and sees only righteousness, not every sin laid bare, not every failure or mistake. He sees the blood of Jesus, clothing us with a robe of righteousness.

"I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness." ~Isaiah 61:10

I am trying to change my view of how I wear this armor. Starting my day with the battle in mind, but coming before the Lord with a surrendered heart first. Fixing my eyes not on the enemy, but on the One who is my hope in victory, over anything that threatens. Literally, I'm trying to picture in my mind that robe of pure white that adorns me, as His mercies fall new with the start of each day. That I am lifting up myself, and He is the one adorning me with his armor, preparing me for the day's battles, and fighting them for me as I keep my eyes fixed on Him. When my eyes tarry--and they certainly will, as I am prone to wander--I can simply call on His strength to turn them back, to lift my shield of faith for me, to give me the sword of the spirit, which is the Word. David never defeated Goliath on his own, with the Lord as his back-up. No, those stones flew in the name of the Lord God Almighty. They were His stones. And that is why Goliath was defeated.

I pray for our boys that they may have a right view of who they are in Christ. Somehow may we impart on them how He sees them, how He is for them. And may they yield their weapons to Him, that they may never try to fight their battles on their own.

"This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s." ~2 Chronicles 20:15

God is surely alive

I've been meaning for a little while now to write a blog post on prayer. We've had many ups & downs in trying to teach our boys how to pray. Some days frustrated, feeling like nothing is getting through to them (as they do somersaults and jump around the room while we're trying to pray before bed)...and then other days being floored by the maturity of how they pray. Lately it's been more the latter, thankfully. It's amazing to see their little hearts. Jack & David often pray thankful prayers, listing off many things and people that they are thankful to God for. And Luke almost always prays like this before bed, "God, thank you for this day. Help me to do what is right and serve you and praise you every day. Amen." :)

The thing that prompted me tonight to write this post is the crazy day we've had, and the amazing proof of how faithful and incredibly alive God really is. We started off with church, then coming home to the boys going crazy as usual when they get unleashed from the car and are waiting for us to fix lunch. They were on the back porch playing, and we're not exactly sure what happened, but Luke started running toward the door into the house, tripped and fell face-first into the brick stairs. Ouch! He came in bleeding, his nose literally looking smashed in between his eyes (sorry for graphics). Next thing we knew we were in the ER...

The thing I wanted to share, so that we do not forget, is the power of prayer and God's faithfulness today. As we were waiting for my mom to come over, Luke was crying on my lap (screaming, actually) and Tom had already called the other boys over and prayed over him. Luke then calmed for a moment and then the pain hit again and he screamed again. I told him that it might hurt a little bit more as it heals, but God was with him and would heal him. That's when he decided to yell at me to pray for him. He wanted me to pray that it wouldn't hurt while it heals. So I prayed. And apparently I wasn't getting to the point fast enough because he yelled at me again as I prayed, "No, mommy, you're not praying for what I wanted." So I did. I prayed specifically that God would help it not to hurt him as the injury healed.

On the way to the ER, he continued to cry and complain about pain and discomfort because his nose was swelling more and more by the second. Then he just zonked out and fell asleep for about 10 minutes. When he woke up, I am not kidding you, he was a different kid. He did not complain one bit. He told everyone at the hospital all about his 3 brothers, their names and ages. He was polite. He was compliant. He was not in pain. It was amazing. And though Tom & I both saw with our own eyes how his bone was crushed right after the injury, the doctors found no deviation in his nasal septum when they checked him out. Meaning that it might not even be badly broken. Insane!

As I asked Tom whether he thought we should give more pain medicine to Luke before bed, it started to sink in. He's not in pain while he's healing. His specific prayer was answered. This could have gone so differently today. But God...

I don't know why we were supposed to have this kind of day. It may seem small to some, but maybe we just needed to "feel" God in some way. Maybe Luke needed a specific incident early in his life to remember when God had faithfully answered his prayer in such a tangible way. 

I don't know. But I do know this. Our God is surely alive. And is always working on our behalf.

I won't go into the rest of our day after coming home from the hospital...just that it involved taking care of 6 kids under age 6, trying to keep up with the playing and appetites of these little ones all while trying to keep Luke somewhat calm (which, if you know him, is a joke!). Again, God was faithful. And now we are tired :)

Love sums it up

Why can't we all just love one another?!?

I must say it 100 times a day. "Love your brother. Honor him above yourself." And sometimes it might not come out as calm and nice-sounding, but more like, "Stop being so selfish!"

We tell them that they will be blessed as they obey God, and will have consequences as they choose to disobey. Well, guess what? So will grown-ups! So do I.

I don't know why but I have been flooded recently with the idea of 'loving my neighbor'. Maybe it's because I'm studying the book of James, and he is serious about not just having a "believing faith" but a "doing faith." If we're not living it, James would say, we're probably actually not even believing it.

I've also been flooded with the concept of how we love other people, especially when it's hard. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says if you only love those who love you, what good is that? (paraphrase of Matthew 5:46) It may seem I can start my day full of the Spirit, ready to pour out that love onto everyone around me, but then when the people actually come into view, and they start doing things that I didn't expect and don't really like, that love tank empties out fast. I get offended...and hurt. And hurt people hurt people.

But if we all would remember that concept then maybe it would actually be easier to love and have grace for others. We are all hurt people. We can't walk out our front door most days without having felt some ounce of hurt from something someone has done or said (whether it was that day or even years before). Our human minds and emotions do not let go that quickly. If we could look beyond ourselves, though (talking to myself here), then we would realize we are all hurting in some way. We do not have any idea what it's like to be someone other than ourselves. So we really cannot know what another person is struggling with or hurting from. And nothing and no one can truly bring healing except Jesus.

That is how I want my kids to respond when they are hurt. I know their hurts right now mostly amount to a toy being grabbed away from them, or sand getting in their eye, but I want them to think of that other person, and pray. No matter what their hurt might be, that other person is hurting too. Deep down in our souls there is a God-shaped hole in everyone, and when that is not filled with the Lord, then we are bound to live out of selfish tendencies...which leads to not loving others.

What would this world be like if we all had grace for one another? Praying for each and every person who "wrongs" us, instead of instantly accusing and judging, standing up for our rights and retaliating (even if it's just in our thoughts). Not excusing sin or justifying it in any way, but leaving it up to God to be the righteous judge that he is.

Maybe that's why Jesus said, "If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love...and my command is this: LOVE ONE ANOTHER!!" (emphasis added, John 15:10,17)

Parental gem mining {moments of brilliance}

This parenting thing is hard. And in this house we seem to go through seasons where it feels like it's truly kicking our tail! Thankfully, I think we are slowly coming out of one of those now. Maybe a lot of the intensity of it had to do with sleep deprivation, but whatever the source, the enemy was frequently trying to use it to bring us down, to make us wonder if we were doing anything right. But God... He's constantly working, and constantly refining. When we open our eyes, we can see the blessings, always there, just sometimes in disguise. Like a gem waiting to be discovered under the dirt and grime.

We recently discovered that Jack is wired for responsibility. Imagine that! God designed him to be the biggest brother in not a small family. And He has equipped him to help care for his little brothers. We've seen that it gives him some sense of purpose, and he even seems to enjoy it. We got advice from some friends about a month ago to let the oldest dress the youngest sometimes, even at their young ages. And so we tried it one day and asked him to dress David, and lo and behold, he could do it, and well! He even put a diaper on him. So now it's become a semi-regular occurence. And most of the time they end up having fun in the process...or Jack ends up learning how frustrating it can be when someone chooses not to listen. Both outcomes work in our favor (usually). And when he's just having a bad day, we've discovered that giving him a task like helping feed the baby, helps bring him out a little bit and get him thinking about something other than his own comfort for the moment. It's been a beautiful thing to see, and a nice help to me too ;)

Luke's moment of brilliance came to me about a week and a half ago when I took him out on a "date." I know he is mostly an upbeat child, but it just hit me that he is just plain excited about life. It is not hard to get him all out enthusiastic about something. He tends to just jump right in. I mean, our date was consisted of a little cup of ice cream & some shopping, and you would've thought I was taking him to see the Super Bowl! Every Friday since he started playing soccer this season, he asks me what time his game will be the next day, and then he tells me that he wishes he was in the car already on the way there because he loves to play soccer SO much. And when he talks about how much he loves his baby brother, he cannot contain himself. He loves him SO much, he says, that he even wants to sleep in his crib with him! It's a blessing to see this boy be so excited about life. May it always be to the glory of God.

David is just plain funny. He is such his own person, we could never fit him into a mold. He also has an amazing excitement about life. He just makes us laugh. One of those rough parenting moments recently was occurring around dinnertime, as is common in a house with young ones. And after disciplining someone for getting out of their chair, and someone else for not eating and being rude, we look over and David decided to put his shirt like this. I don't think we knew whether to laugh or cry. We decided laughing would be the better option. We're thankful for the way God has wired him to lighten things up when things are getting a little too serious around here.

Joshua learned how to sleep this week!!! There is no explanation, nothing different we did. It is absolutely to the glory of God alone. Our prayer for many weeks now, every night laying hands on his little head, is that the Lord will teach him how to sleep and get the rest his body needs. Relinquishing control. We tried everything we could possibly have done...and then we just let go. And slowly, over the past week or so, the wakings decreased, the crying became less, and 2 nights ago he actually slept an entire 11 hours straight! Now that's a moment of brilliance if we've ever seen one :) Praise God!

Gratitude and pity parties

Yesterday was Mother's Day. It was a beautiful, dreary day where we live, and I awoke to handmade cards and other wonderful gifts from the boys (and man) that I love. It started off good. There wasn't even any discipline involved in the first hour or so of them being awake! So many blessings.

Later in the day, though, I started to go within. Something prompted me to remember a difficult moment in the past, and something else prompted me to feel overwhelmed and a bit forgotten, and then it spiraled from there. A pity party. Call it what it was. And before I knew it I needed to just escape for a breath of fresh air.

So that's what I did. It was nothing brought on by anyone else. I have every reason in the world to feel loved and blessed by my children and my husband. It was just me. (And some hormones, if I'm totally honest). I drove and I sung, and I talked on the phone. First to my grandmother, who was so optimistic and encouraging, even though her circumstances had her in a hospital bed yesterday. She laughed as she told me that one year one of her sons got her a strainer for Mother's Day. And I talked to my mom, who knew immediately that I was a bit down (can't hide anything from her!). She also encouraged with strong words of truth, and prayed over me. Then I perused over some flowers and fruit at the Farmer's Market. Then I went to the grocery store. Alone.

When I finally felt like I could breathe wasn't even after all of that, though. It wasn't even the moment I walked in the door again and their faces lit up as they said, "Mommy!" It was when I realized I needed to count them up. The baby's soft coos as I laid him in bed made me think of it.

I sat, and I picked up a pen and my journal (that has gotten a little too dusty), and I counted them out. Backwards. From the end of the day to the beginning. I counted blessings. Gratitudes. The many gifts seen in that one day. And I wrote. And I wrote. And something lifted. It was like I felt the sun starting to shine through the dreary clouds.

Even though I knew I had a ton to be thankful for, I needed to will myself to take action about it. To look outside of myself. To write them out, one by one. The many grace-gifts He gives. When I looked back over it I realized, even in a little Mother's Day pity party, God cared. He was reaching down, blessing me, gently orchestrating things that would point me to Him. To the truth...that God never forgets His children.

I am blessed. I am thankful. God is grace.

On sleep and Joy and figuring it all out

Trials really do tend to just fall into our laps sometimes. It could be an extreme example, like a death or illness of a someone close, or it could be a more minor example, like losing a little sleep. The latter is a "trial" we've been facing around here these days. And there's been a lot of crying.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds..." ~James 1:2

Count it all joy. I've always thought this verse was a bit hard to swallow. I want to be joyful all the time. But really? To consider a trial joy? Aren't we just supposed to wade through the trials, in survival mode, until they blow over and we can get to the other side? Aren't we supposed to seek comfort when we're down, in any form that it comes. Seek something that will ease the pain, or at least distract us for a while? That's what I often try to do.

Tom & I were just talking the other day about how it's funny that even in our small-by-comparison trial of the moment, we try to figure it out. We ask why. Why is God allowing us to go through this sleep-deprived time that seems to have no end (really we know it does)? What is he trying to teach us? We scour every possible solution and try to just figure it out. The default questions for any of the hard stuff in life. Why is this happening? And how can can I fix it?

Maybe figuring it out is not what God intends for us to do. His ways are too much for us to wrap our human minds around. He is totally beyond our comprehension. He is that big.

That basic temptation that Eve gave in to in the Garden, of gaining the "knowledge of good and evil," is what leads to this perpetual seeking of the "whys" to all things. This world believes that knowledge is power. Knowledge is the ultimate thing to gain. But what if it's not. What if unwavering faith is actually the most powerful thing. Faith that believes that God is God and He is always working all things together for our good and His glory. All things. Always. And we don't even have to figure out what "for our good" means, because He will bring it. He will teach us. We just have to open ourselves up to believe and then receive.

Whatever trial we are undergoing at any given time, mastering it might not be the goal. Willfully choosing to gain the Joy that God intends through the trial, while trusting Him to be at work. Maybe that's the goal. Ultimately it's about faith. Surrender. To a perfect God. At work in our imperfect world. For our good. His glory. Amen.

So you've decided to WHAT?!

Life is full of decisions. Big ones, small ones, seemingly insignificant ones, monumental ones. Lots of choices. I believe God is over them all. He is completely sovereign. There is nothing too small for him to care about or be involved in. There is nothing too big for him to handle.

Recently, we went down the road of the "school decision" for next year. Our oldest will be 6 this summer. There are oh, so many different directions we could go for school. And none of them are wrong or bad ones. But the still, small voice kept tugging, whispering in our spirits what we should do. My husband heard it clearest first (which was nice, since he is the leader of our home ;). And then it followed with me. Through people, sermons, songs, and most of all just through God's word, He kept bringing up two words for me. Faith & Perseverance. "Step out on faith. Persevere through the difficult, knowing I am with you always." I think I was insecure at first about what I was hearing, not wanting to admit it might be about this, that I might be chosen to do this thing.

Homeschool.

Yes, we're crazy. Not exactly how I'd envisioned our life to look, not really something I ever thought we'd do, but that is where we are headed. We have been dabbling in it this year, embarking on adventures of learning, but not really admitting that this is actually what we were doing. Next year, Jack would officially be in Kindergarten, and Luke will be rising up. And the Lord is calling us to do this at home.

It will not be pretty. In fact, it is already pretty messy! I am not *naturally* a gifted teacher or an organizer-type. But that is not the point. We have 4 kids under age 6. We are not deciding to homeschool based on the ease of it or our ability to accomplish it. Literally the only reason is that we believe that God is calling us to do this. That it is right for our family, for right now. That we would be disobeying Him if we did not heed this call. We believe the Lord has something to teach all of us in this. That He is doing a work in us through this. It's about dying to self day in and day out, and obeying HIM by serving each other in this way. It's about taking the journey he is calling us to, walking by faith, and being refined and sanctified in the messy process.

The main reason for this post is not to convince anyone that our choice is right, or that theirs is not. There is no condemnation here! Not everyone is called to the same schooling decision, and the only thing that's "right" is what you and your family are called to do for that moment.

I'm actually posting this most of all to remind me of the why of all of this for us. When days are hard, I want to remember and be encouraged that this is a path God has led us down, and there is NO other logical reason. When I get asked, "You're going to do what?! How on earth? And...why?" I want to have an answer. And when I am falling into bed exhausted at the end of a long day, feeling like I might be failing at everything I'm attempting to do, I want to know that God is also the one who will give me the rest & renewal I need and prepare us to try it all over again tomorrow.

"Let us keep on running the race marked out for us."   ~Hebrews 12:1

The "race marked out" looks a bit different for everyone, but we are all running just the same. What decision might the Lord be calling you to in this season of life? When we ask & listen, He is always faithful to lead...even if it doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense!