Naptime.

The Lord gives rest.

I don't know about you, but I NEED naptime!!!! I love being with my boys. I do. But I also crave time alone. Time to "do", time to reflect, time to sit, time to read, and occasionally time to nap myself. Time to be alone with my God. To take my cares and lay them at his feet.

But as all good things in life, there is one who seeks to destroy. He is the enemy. He can take something that seems so right, or at least, not bad in any way, and twist it just enough to make it a stronghold. Something that holds us in bondage. I have experienced that with naptime. Almost from day 1 of my first son being born, I struggled with a baby who didn't need nearly as much sleep as we (and most of the newborn books out there) thought he should have. It was a daily struggle. And then number 2 came along, and he has always been a good sleeper. Until now...when he fights for his independence, trying to come out of his room multiple times at nap or bed, saying he "needs something." And then #3. He takes after his oldest brother and also seems to be following in the footsteps of one day becoming a surgeon or pilot or some other person who needs much less sleep than average. He's a happy little guy, but when it comes to sleep, his first year of life did involve a lot of crying~for both of us.

All this to say, God has made it pretty clear that he is trying to teach me something through this! He is teaching me patience and gentleness and love. Ultimately, though, he is teaching me how to give up those famous reigns of control that I so tend to grab at every turn. Trying to control my children's naps. Seriously. If that's how he's going to teach me, though, I want to learn it now and learn it well.

I have learned to pray over them and myself every day..."Lord, let us get the rest that our bodies need, whatever that may look like today." I have learned to humbly ask for their forgiveness after making a big deal about sleeping yet again. I've learned to let go.

Rest, rejuvenation, restoration. Only God can truly bring.

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." Psalm 62: 1-2

Multitude Mondays

I have been blessed in this blogging world. I am not one who pours over them for hours and hours. I admit I don't always keep up with what I need to read, let alone what I want to read. But I do enjoy dipping into some of these gifts. And I believe that God is there. He is leading, even in where my mouse clicks next. I am seeking. He is faithful to lead.

I'm not even sure how I happened to come upon Ann Voskamp's blog, A Holy Experience. I think it was a link on a friend of a friend's blog at some point. And when I ventured there, I discovered a gift. An honest, humble, gracious, God-fearing woman who is sharing her gift with the world. Her words are beauty on the page, inspired by an intimate walk with her Creator.

So I am joining her in an endeavor she started called "Multitude Mondays." It's an endeavor of gratitude. Being intentional to see God in our moments and to give thanks. We were designed to praise.

"From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise." Psalm 8:2

My goal for now is to come up with 1000 gifts. 1000 things to praise God for. 1000 moments of gratitude.

So I'm going to keep a running tab all week and every Monday, I'll document them on here (sometimes they might come straight from the mouths of babes). You are welcome to join me in giving thanks in a comment. I'm excited to start living more intentionally, giving thanks for the multitude of blessings He has bestowed. His gifts are truly endless.

Here's my list from the past few days...

#1. picnics
#2. little hands
#3. time--the grace to have enough to do what truly needs to be done
#4. boys who still like to cuddle
#5. a husband who wants me to sit with him on the couch...even if i usually end up falling asleep ;)

A blessing from the Lord

One year ago... And today...
We love you little doodle :)

Trust.

I've really been pondering this concept of Trust this past week. I guess it came up because I was studying the story of Abraham & Isaac in Genesis. You know, Abraham takes his son all the way up a mountain because God told him to, and he ties him to an altar, preparing to kill him as a sacrifice, because God told him to. What was he thinking?! Literally, what must have been going through Abraham's mind? The scene seems almost anticlimactic as we read it in scripture. He seems to be at peace about the whole thing. Can you imagine? Oh, how I would have been freaking out!! But Abraham completely trusts. Completely obeys. Does he know deep in his heart of hearts that God will not actually make him go through with killing his son? Perhaps. Or does he just know God. Does he just believe Him and take Him at His word? He is God Almighty, El Shaddai, Lord of Lords...He can do anything! And He will accomplish his purposes for his people. No one and no circumstance can shake our God.

As I read this story, I began to question events in my life where I supposedly was "trusting God". Events that rocked my life, and often left me doubting, wondering, "Who is this God? And where is He now?" I wish my trust were as firm as Abraham's. I pray, Lord, that you would increase my faith. Help me to trust more fully.

I once heard Angela Thomas describe faith as a chair, and we can choose whether to sit on the edge of it with our feet firmly planted (in our own strength). Or we can sit back fully, putting our whole weight into the Lord, believing He is who He says He is. I want to sit fully. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of trying to sit up straight on my own. My back hurts just thinking about it! I need the comfort of that chair of faith.

So as I ponder this, I guess it comes down to Grace. I don't deserve much of anything, in fact the truth is, I deserve death. Even if we don't see our sins as the 'biggees,' we all know deep down that we sin all day long. We are not perfect people. Neither was Abraham. But God gave him a hefty dose of grace that day on that mountain, I believe. And God helped him to believe, to trust, to put his weight fully in that chair and obey. Praise the Lord, that He gives me the grace to trust more & more each day, teaching me in every moment. May I pass on a legacy of leaning on that grace, of trusting in the One who enables us to Trust.

Prayer for my boys

Lord,

Boys are hard. Kids are hard. Sometimes I just wish you had added a little addendum to the bible called "How to parent." Sometimes I think I'm not cut out for this job. Did you really mean to entrust all these boys to my care? When the 4 yr. old lets loose and completely loses control in an angry rage, or the 2 yr. old jumps off the top of the couch again and lands with a big thud onto the floor, and then I discover the 11 mo. old chewing on a pencil... Are you sure you picked the right woman for this?

But this is the blessing you have given me. I praise you because you made me. I praise you because you made them. This is the thing you have and are preparing me for. One of the highest callings, people say. You are teaching me so much about love, grace, patience, peace. These are the things I pray for my boys.

I pray first of all that they would love you, Lord. May they be brought into this mystery of faith. This TRUTH that is the only thing that stands, when a world around them seems to ebb & flow with tragedy & joy constantly. May they have a desire for your Word. May they also desire to be part of something bigger than themselves. In a world that often looks to how to advance oneself or please oneself as the utmost important thing, may these boys stoop low and humble themselves before a powerful God. May they serve those who are in need, may they love those who to some seem unlovely. May they respect & be thankful for all of your creation.

You have made them boys, with all the hormones and all the dirt that goes into that. Protect them, God. I have learned already and I'm sure I will continue to learn that I just cannot do that on my own. Despite my best efforts with car seats and helmets and hand sanitizer, you are their shield. You protect them. Help me to trust in that.

Protect their little hearts and spirits also, God. May they be shielded from the harshness of this world until they are ready to hear of it. May they walk firm in your truth as their foundation no matter what choices they must make, or circumstance they may find themselves in. May your Spirit guide them. Keep them pure, Lord. Again, I cannot do that. You are their purity, and you know already the choices they will make. I pray they will be convicted and turn quickly to you at every mistake. Redeem them. Free them from chains that bind.

Now as I hear their little feet approaching, I just ask for a fresh filling of your Spirit in me, Lord. As I face this day, may I be filled with your love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. May it overflow on these precious little beings that you have entrusted to my care. They are yours, Lord. Thank you for helping me refocus on that this day. Amen.

Update

In honor of the month of this little one's birth, I thought it appropriate to show some of his latest favorite things... Standing up on anything & everything. He's on his way to walking...watch out!


Playing with the dogs

"Helping" with the dishes

Mommy's phone

(he loves all phones...not ideal, but it can be a GREAT distraction!!)

And swinging :)

Notice: almost none of the above things cost any money...and why do we have all these toys again?!

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And here are these brothers enjoying some time in the backyard...

And, lastly, yesterday was Jack's first day of preschool...think he's excited?!

Alone with my thoughts

This has been a restful weekend. A lot of time alone with the boys at home. A lot of time just tooling around outside as the beginnings of fall are in the air. And reading on the couch with my hubby watching the football games in the background. It's been nice. It's in these times that I have a lot of time to think. A friend of mine once brought to my attention how being a mom sometimes can seem so lonely, even though we are almost never actually alone. So funny, yet so true.

So alone with my thoughts many things have gone through my mind. There have been moments when I've felt at the end of my rope. No one seems to hear, or even notice that I am here. But He sees. Then there have been times where I've wished they could understand how truly blessed they are. Wished they could understand what it means to be grateful, not always asking for more before even finishing with what they have. He probably wishes that of me too. Times where I've repeatedly asked them to stop doing something, yet they continue on as if I am invisible and silent. And then they run crying to me when they fall and hurt themselves because they didn't heed my warning. How many times has he had to do that for me? There have been times where the big question is 'how much longer...until we can go outside, or until we have to go to bed.' The answer varies, from 2, 5 or 10 minutes, or my personal favorite, 'septeen' (spoken by a 4 yr. old). It just makes me think about how only His timing is perfect. And there have been moments of brilliance like when they got their allowance yesterday and Jack's first words were "I've got to give the first dollar back to God!" How he must smile when we really do get it--we are blessed when we obey!


This journey through motherhood I often do feel quite alone, but I am comforted by the fact that my heavenly Father always hears me, always attends to me. He is my audience of one. It is these sweet reminders of my relationship with him that bring a smile or sigh in a moment where it seems that no one notices.