Moments of Brilliance

I know I often write on here about the deeper issues. But I have begun to realize I'm not doing a very good job recording memories that bring us much joy in our home. Rays of light. "Moments of brilliance," as we refer to them. When at the end of a long day my husband and I can look at each other and say, "Something is getting through." Not because anyone is gaining intelligence necessarily, but because someone is obeying, someone is loving their brother, someone is just growing in who God made them to be. We are blessed to watch this happen in front of our eyes every day. It is a gift that we want and need to remember. So I'm going to start recording it here, hopefully a couple times a month. Some way that each boy is growing, by God's grace, and shining before us.

Jack has recently learned to read. The light switch came on! It was so neat to watch. As I am not a teacher, and have never had a 5 yr. old before, I've never really experienced that. After struggling through reading lessons, starting about a year ago, one day he finally seemed to like it (which came as a huge relief to me!)God truly just grew the desire in him to read, and he hasn't stopped since. It is precious when he will sit down with his brothers and they both look over his shoulder as he reads to them. It's a rare moment in this house of wild chaos, but a definite blessing!

Luke LOVES his baby brother! He loves to play with him, hold him, to help change him and feed him. Everything to do with baby J is of interest to him. Most days he can't seem to contain his affection for him...and sometimes he does squeeze him a bit too tight. But it is a beautiful thing to watch his care & love grow for another.

David is 2. Need I say more?! He is stubborn and independent and thinks he doesn't need a nap...all the things that push this mommy's buttons like crazy. But he is also a joy. He is hilarious actually. The way he plays and imagines things and runs around like a little crazy man is a great reminder of how I should take life less seriously. Just the other day he was talking (to himself) about Jesus in his heart, just matter-of factly. We pray that he will come to true salvation one day soon, and that his child-like faith will always be evident as he grows. Oh, and his hair is totally crazy and I love it :)

Joshua is growing into his own little 5 month old personality. His little cuddles and smiles are very often a means of Grace to me throughout the day. He just recently took up some real eating, and seems to like it. And he also has discovered his toes :)

Thank you, Lord, for these rays of light. Help us to remember on the tired and not-so-fun days that these boys are gracious gifts from above. Help us love them as you do. And may we honor you in how we train them up.

Pruning

"We all make mistakes, Mommy."

I was so gently reminded of this from our oldest boy a few nights ago, as I lectured the brothers on how they had not been making many good choices that day. Ouch. That's hard to hear when it's not coming from my own mouth.

I can tend to be pretty hard on myself, not real quick to have grace for this soul of mine. Sometimes I feel like I'm not that good at anything. One little failure, or some way that I'm not measuring up, can set me into a downward spiral that has the potential to ruin a whole day. I can get embarrassed easily and I can tend to shy away from things that take me out of my comfort zone. And I am beginning to see these things in my son...

I am learning that the apple truly does not fall too far from the tree, even at the young ages of our boys. They do the things we do. In many ways, they tend toward the weaknesses that plague us and are passionate about the things we're passionate about.

The other night I was brought comfort & hope about this very subject when we were reading our Lenten devotional and it was out of John 15. I was reminded of the pruning. Unless we allow the Lord to work with us, to cut off the "dead branches," we cannot bear fruit. Or at least we will not bear fruit at the quality that we could and should. The painful process of dealing with my "stuff" will yield good fruit...

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-control.

Each day I can come closer to exhibiting these qualities, to yielding this fruit, if I let myself be pruned. Be reminded that I am not #1. Be reminded that even though that's true as far as how I should live, God still loves me as if I am his #1. Learn to give grace freely, to others and to myself. Release the attempts to control all that surrounds me.

If I remain in the vine, pressing deeper into the Lord, I can trust that He will not prune branches that don't need to go. He doesn't put me through something painful just because. He always has purpose in what he allows. He can heal all my hurts and turn my weakness into strength. He can make something beautiful appear from mere stumps.

It is hard to watch my child begin to look a bit like me. It's hard to watch his strongholds appear. But as I do, I am determined more and more to show him the love of our Savior, and our desperate need to remain in Him. I am determined to help him learn to overcome his weaknesses--as I am learning--and to allow the pruning, so that he can bear beautiful fruit.

"He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be more fruitful...Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine." ~John 15:2,4

Pure in heart

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." Matthew 5:8

What does this mean? How can I be pure in heart? I want to see God!

These are things I've been thinking on this past week as I've tried to hide this passage deep in my heart. And I believe the Lord has faithfully shown me a few things and revealed what this means for me. When I think of purity I think of fresh fallen snow...white, unblemished, free from stain. One dictionary definition says purity is "freedom from extraneous matter." I can think of so many things in life that can taint our hearts. Things that we say, think, or see. I think all of those areas can allow "extraneous matter" to take up residence in our hearts. And that subsequently clouds our view of God.

The pure in heart shall SEE God. Obviously our faith will not truly become sight as believers until the day we reign with Him in glory. But here on earth, the next best thing is to have an assuredness of his holy presence. He is with us always, as promised (Matt. 28:20). But our feeble humanity allows us to put up blockades or blinders that shield our view. We can't always "feel" the Lord, but He is always there. I want to live in that presence. Take the blinders off. Truly see Him, even here on this earth.

So to put these concepts both together, I'll give an example from my regular little life. The other night we were having a fun family time after dinner--lots of laughing, running around and just being crazy. My heart was full. Then bedtime routine came into view. Baths, jammies, teeth, books, Bible, bed...which sometimes goes smoothly and sometimes brings on some serious melting down. It messes up their plans. And their whining and fighting mess up mine! With their behavior and in my heart...I was all done. Everything started getting on my nerves, whether it be from a child, my husband, or even the dogs. As soon as I left the last one's room I fell on my face in our bedroom and laid still before God. I realized I had a choice. Pure in heart. See God. Put up walls of irritation, selfishness, resentment, etc. Limited view of God. I am so thankful I saw the choice. It was like a lightbulb moment. I prayed that God would change my attitude and my thoughts would honor him. That I would think the best of these messy people in my life, and that they would forgive messy me. It wasn't instantaneous, but I could see that peace was settling in. The night would not continue to go downhill, but my husband and I would instead have good conversation and enjoy our time together. We would not yell as our son comes down the stairs for the 3rd time just to "tell us something." We allowed our walls to fall down, and the result was seeing God.

I don't know if this makes any sense. The thing is, it looks different for everybody and on every different day. The point is that being pure in heart is something of a choice, a determination actually. Joining with God in prayer to break down those strongholds that trip us up and block our view of Him in our life. Moment by moment. Determine not to allow that extraneous matter to creep in and clutter your heart. It happens all too quickly. And we can trick ourselves into thinking it's just one little slip, one little indulgence, nothing that will have a lasting effect...that is just a flat out lie.

One final thing is this: the pure in heart not only see God, but they are also BLESSED. What an awesome God, who desires to bless us. Though we are slow to figure this whole thing out (to love Him and obey Him). He is always desiring to bless.

Santified by the truth

This life is hard. There are no two ways about it. No sugar-coated way to explain it to my kids. No denying it. And it's because of sin. That fated day that the sneaky snake creaped into the garden and then into our thoughts and our ways, causing us to be preoccupied with ourselves forevermore (here on this earth). It stinks.

There is nothing I want more than for our family to stop believing these lies, and to continually walk in the light of the Truth. The only truth: God's word.

Our boys have recently gotten into (or slightly obsessed with) the DVD series "What's in the Bible" by Phil Vischer. It's amazing. The way he just digs deep into the truth of God's word, explaining it in terms that kids can understand, yet not watering it down one bit. Our oldest has been listening to the songs during his quiet time each day. I do not exxagerate that he knows them almost word for word now. Even our 2 yr. old has started dressing up like the character "Chuck Wagon" and belting out "Who do you trust, who do you listen to, how are you gonna live your life..." (in a real twangy southern accent).

Anyway, my point is that I've been tempted to curb this obsession somehow, just because I tend to have a problem with obsessions. Then I realized there is one obsession that is okay. Being obsessed with God!

Jesus said, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied." (Matthew 5:6)

The only way to be satisfied in this hard life is to pursue righteousness, pursue our God, day in and day out for all of our days. Just like we pursue food when we are hungry and drink when we are thirsty!

I told myself at the beginning of this new year that I didn't want to live a defeated life anymore. I didn't want to give in to the thoughts that so often bring me down. I don't want that for my children or my husband either. We were made for more than that. We were made to stand in victory, with the Lord. Yes, the lies come, and the enemy is relentless in trying to get us to believe them. The only way I know how to combat that is by the truth.

"Sanctify them in the truth. Your word is truth." John 17:17

I pray that as our boys grow, they will continue to hunger and thirst for righteousness. That they will seek God in those places where they feel defeated, where they are tempted to "throw tantrums" or seek fulfillment in some other way, even in places where they just don't understand something. That they will not look to the ways of this world for the answers they seek. I pray that I will learn to do that more faithfully, and that I will have grace for those around me who are learning also. May we live on the bread of God's word. And give thanks. He is good.

The way they grow...and a year ahead

 
Our second son turned 4 this past week. Seems like yesterday I cuddled with that sleeping little newborn. He's growing into himself now. He loves anything superhero (particularly Buzz and Spiderman) and he tells me he wants to fly (and i ask him not to try). He is eager to serve others, and loves to give gifts. He is something of an artist, and has taken a lot of interest in coloring and writing his letters this past year. He is passionate (or dramatic), and when he is upset his cry can make you want to hide under a pillow! He's tough as any "all boy" boy, yet his favorite colors are pink & purple. He loves to ride his bike super fast. And he loves to hold & kiss his baby brother.
 
Celebrating another birthday, and thinking over how these boys grow has made us ponder the things that really matter. Our greatest desire for our children is that they grow to know and serve the Lord their God with all their heart, mind, and strength. That they love their neighbors as themselves. And as they grow, we realize more and more that this is not going to be an easy thing for them. They are now under our wing, by God's grace. They are able to grow and learn and mess up with our guidance and direction. All too soon they will face many trials and hardships of their own, out in the world, and they will have to choose whether to go God's way...or the way of their flesh. It is a scary thought. Praise the Lord that He is sovereign, and even my tender Mama's heart doesn't have to worry day in and day out about these things. When I think of it all in the "big picture" view it can take my breath away. Maybe that's one of the blessings of this busy time of life with little ones. We don't have time to really think on all that they may one day face. It's just too overwhelming. Yet the Victory has been won. And we will continue to pray... 

Thank you, Lord, that you give us so many tender moments with our boys as they grow from little to big. Thank you for giving them to us to care for and hold and protect for this short amount of time. May they grow to be warriors for your kingdom, brave knights who love and obey your Word. And may we not take for granted any of these days...even if they sometimes seem long and tiring.

That brings us to the year ahead... I don't have any crazy resolutions, and my husband doesn't really either. Just simple ones. To be wise & intentional with our time. Good stewards of these bodies we've been given. To trust Him more deeply. To walk on the path He has set for us...on level ground.

Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
Deliver me from my enemies, O LORD!
I have fled to you for refuge.

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God.

Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground! ~Psalm 143:8-10

A blessed 2012 from our family to yours!

December flies by

I won't be long today, but I thought I'd put up a few pictures of some fun we've had the past couple weeks. It's hard to believe it's already halfway through December. It crept up so quickly, and now we're almost to day 13 on the advent calendar!! I was looking back at posts from last year like this one and was reminded that I was "grasping for air" then too. I guess it just comes with the season...a certain hecticness that can make you go crazy if you let it (and some days I do). But although these days are filled with many activities and "to do's" on the list, they are full days and I am a good-tired as I fall into bed at the end of them. I am so thankful for the blessing of this family that calls me "mommy" :)

Praise the Lord that the truth of Christmas is that he came to be with us ALWAYS...not only once a year! May His peace rule in our hearts as we prepare to celebrate what He's done for us. That baby boy, Christ our King.



JESUS is our only hope

Today is one of those days when I feel like I just can't do this. Thankfully things have been going well lately, even with a newborn added to the mix! Though my days are often hectic and I hear myself repeating "I can only do one thing at a time" to various children all day long, I have felt God's grace in amazing ways in how he's given me patience and grown me in this call as a mommy. But I will admit that today I just don't feel I'm cut out for the job. Maybe it is the overwhelming tasks looming over my head--like laundry or clutter. Or maybe it's the things that I am frustrated about not getting to--like putting those pictures in an album that i've had sitting around (literally in a pile on an ottoman) since June. Or maybe that i can't seem to find anything when I need it--like the address book that can't be found all the sudden when I need to mail about a zillion thank you notes. Or maybe it's the constant discipline that just doesn't seem to be changing hearts lately.

Life is just frustrating. And honestly it hurts sometimes. It hurts to have things go much differently than you thought they would go. It hurts to have people disappoint you. It hurts to disappoint people. It hurts to see people hurting.

The one thing that I just keep coming back to in my mind, though, is where my hope comes from. JESUS is my only answer, my only hope. The only way. The only truth. The life. He just is. The way I see it is we either live believing that with every bone in our body, or we don't. If God is not bigger than anything we face, then who is he anyway? If he's the God of the Bible, then he is over everything and our only reason for hope in this world. If he can only help us in certain situations or he only cares about some things, then what does it mean when it says, "For from him and to him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever!" Romans 11:36

I cannot explain how I function some days on such little sleep with 4 little boys tugging on me all day long. I cannot tell you how we might be able to homeschool our children (if he calls us to). I cannot explain how hurts get healed. I cannot explain how blessings flow amidst pain...but they do. There is so much in this life that we tend to give up on, or just push under the rug or turn our head or find a way out of. But there is always hope. There is always a way to do the impossible. Jesus is that way. He came to earth to be that way for you and me. I have to stand on that, or I will crumble.

So I will press on. Knowing that even on days when I don't "feel" that I'm cut out for this call, Jesus will equip me to do it...and the mercies will be fresh and new the next morning. He is my hope and stay.