I am learning a lot these days. I am learning that learning is really important. And I will never be done with it. God has our family on this journey together of learning. It is sometimes painful, sometimes easy (ok, maybe very rarely easy). Sometimes I see and understand things clearly, sometimes not at all. But I can say it always is beautiful. A tapestry He is weaving throughout our days.
This process of refinement is amazing and horrible and wonderful all at the same time. I can pretend that I don't need it. I can pretend it's all about another person needing to change, or if only "they" would learn and see the truth. But really it is about me. I am being sanctified. I'm learning that the Lord will use whatever means necessary to produce Christ in me. I am learning that I want this, really more than anything else. I want to be alive to Him, I want His purposes to drive me and His thoughts to fill me.
Parenting and homeschooling are really a perfect storm. We have a community of little people and big people who are broken, abiding together day in and day out in this home. There's no quick escape (though I may search for one sometimes). There are a lot of ideas of how things should be done. There are a lot of people trying to grasp for control. There is a lot of mess, a lot of disappointments, and a lot of noise. But the point is we abide. We stay together. Giving up is not an option. I'm learning to create an environment that invites these little ones in, that cultivates abiding, that draws out the echo of Christ in each soul.
Scripture tells us God has made us all in his image. We are image-bearers, whether we choose to seek Him or not. His echo, His reflection, His light is all over creation. Yet there is also darkness, sin, and death. I would much rather choose to see the light than the darkness. Yet my tendency to go to the darkness overwhelms me sometimes. I complain and whine about my circumstance. Thoughts swirl around inside my mind that are not always true and right and noble. My actions do not always echo His image.
Lord, fix my thinking. Give order to my thinking. Give life to my thinking. Help me to seek you and wait on your light when it seems like all I see is darkness around me. Remove the veil and teach me what your light looks like. Teach me what is truly good and beautiful. Help me hear the echoes of you in this world. I don't have to rush. I don't have to worry. I just have to trust you. I have to abide. Help me, Lord.
I can be pressed every day with frustrations and fears and discouraging, depressing things. But I want to hear the echoes of the Lord, to see reflections of Him all around, to see His image stamped on the one next to me, even when they seem strange or annoying or just plain hard to love. When it comes down to it, we all make choices every day. Will I choose to just survive this life, get by, and seek the temporal satisfaction and comfort that I often crave? Or will I do the hard thing; will I deny myself and choose life, even if that means dying to something else first.
"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." (Matthew 6:33) I am a slow learner. But I want to walk in the light and listen to His echoes.
