Blessing among the messing...

Five kids make lots of messes. Five kids at home every day~playing and eating and crafting and (hopefully) learning~they make lots of messes. I was sitting there at the kitchen table one morning recently, just reflecting on my life. And I just thought, "wow." Here's a little glimpse.

So our school day usually starts around 9:30. By about 10:00 today, this is what was going on. One boy was cutting things out and was supposed to then glue them on a paper to make patterns. Another boy was writing something and about to draw a picture. Another was supposed to be doing a math activity. The youngest was having a snack. And the baby slept in the swing. Flash forward 5 minutes. Baby wakes up crying, not done napping. Paci game starts. Two year old wants to sit on my lap as I work with 4 year old on the cutting thing. His snack falls on the floor. He cries, but gets down to try to pick it up and pick off enough dog hair to be able to eat it anyway. He whines because he wants me to help him. Oldest is not doing math, but instead playing with his pencil and singing loudly about koalas. Other boy complains because I still haven't checked his writing. Baby doesn't stop spitting her paci out, so I decide to hold her. Turn around and 4 year old is now opening the stapler and trying to figure out how it works. Staples all over floor, along with paper scraps from cutting. I remind all to stay on task (probably in a voice that was too loud). My head starts spinning as everyone is asking for help in some way. There's paper and pencils and books and crayons and scissors and glue everywhere. I remember I need a snack, and more coffee...and a load of laundry needs to go in. Oh, and the dishes from breakfast still sit on the counter, oatmeal pasted to the bowls by now. So I sit down, breathe in the sweet baby head smell, and look out the window at the bright blue sky, thanking God amidst the loudness and mess. I look around. Wow. What a mess.

This is my life. It's hard, it's messy, it's loud, it's overwhelming. But isn't that what He came for? God came down to this earth to show me that He loves me that much. To take every burden, every mess. To mend broken things. To be here with me in the mess. To show me how to depend on Him, how to breathe in the blessings no matter how life swirls crazy around me.

Thank you, Savior...thank you, Jesus.

Heart Overflow

I have been reflecting on the goodness of God. He doesn't always choose to bless me in ways I might think of blessing, in my humanity. In other words, in God's kingdom, blessing does not equal happiness all the time...or maybe even most of the time. Blessing can come in the form of brokenness and pain that ultimately draws me to my need for a Savior, which is the ultimate joy. Every once in a while, though, God in His mercy shows himself in just an amazing way, and I truly do just feel happy as a result. My heart overflows.

Baby girl is 2 months old now. She is just a crazy cute little blessing. A sweet disposition. A fantastic sleeper. A content baby. It's amazing. I was hit with the realization a couple weeks ago that she is an unbelievable answer to prayer. Truly a product of the Lord giving us a desire of our hearts. Truly a testimony to his faithfulness. I am incredibly humbled and thankful.

I often get the comment from people, "Now you can stop having kids. You got your girl." No offense to anyone who has said this, but I hate that comment. Yes, this little girl was specifically prayed for and we are so excited to have her. But I prayed that boys #3 & 4 would be girls too! I always thought I just could not handle a whole house full of crazy boy-ness. God in his wisdom answered those prayers with a no, and I'm so glad he did, as we could not be the family we are without each one of these unique, energetic, precious boys.

I heard my wise pastor say something that really resonated with me this week:

The reason God asks you to do something is specifically because he knows you can't do it.

In this season, I am frequently reminded that I can't. I can't be a good mom to this many boys, I can't homeschool them all, I can't keep up with the messes and laundry...Lord, help me, I can't lead them to Him. But He calls me to do all of this so that He can do what He does best--be God!

We did not "keep having kids" until we got the perfect, angelic little girl (which I know she is not, though it may seem so at times right now :). I just want to be faithful to Him, thanking Him along the way for each unique child he has created for His purposes. The Lord is building this family, and he has used the "trials" of a few feelings of disappointment to draw me closer and teach me that He is the giver of good gifts, the one who lines my desires up with His.

I am so thankful that Hannah is who she is, yet I am also just overwhelmed with the goodness of God, that he would care so much to give me exactly what He knows I need, at exactly the moment when I truly need it. I guess I really have no idea what I need, except that I need Him, all the time. I have done nothing to deserve such kindness and mercy.