Thankful for promises

I feel like a failure sometimes. Ok, maybe a lot of times. There's always something I could be doing better. I'm late yet again. I yelled at my kids. We lost or ruined something. We forgot something else (because I should be more organized). My husband feels slighted because of my inability to focus on what he says to me at times....and on and on and on.

I think this is why God has been impressing upon me lately that I need to soak in his promises. My tendency is definitely to "do" something when I feel like I've failed. Do something to fix it. Give me a book on how to be a better wife, mom, sister, daughter, friend, and I will eagerly read it (or at least start reading it). Give me a checklist of "10 verses that make you a better Christian" and I'll write those things out and even draw the little boxes next to each item so I can physically check them off as I do them. I've got scripture in my bathroom, my car, the kitchen, it's even plastered to some of our walls in our home to remind us of truth. Check, check, check!

Doing is good. It has its place in this world. Obviously God put us here for a reason...to 'do stuff' to bring him glory. But the Lord has been saying to me in so many ways lately to slow down the doing. To seek His promises, not dwell on commands. That doesn't mean commands aren't important. They definitely are! But for me, for right now, he wants me to be. He is teaching me to receive the grace. So I need to write them out, meditate on them, memorize them, and be fed the promises of God.

Here are a few I am very thankful for in this moment, this day, and in this week of giving thanks...

• The Lord, my God, holds my hand...and He says "Do not fear." (Isaiah 41:13)
• The Lord is faithful. He guards me against the evil one. (2 Thessalonians 3:3)
• He is making all things new. (Revelation 21:5)
• "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17
• "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end." Lamentations 3:22
• It does not depend on my desires or effort, but on God's mercy. (Romans 9:16)
• The Lord daily bears my burdens. And He saves me. (Psalm 68:19-20)
• Nothing is too hard for my sovereign God. (Jeremiah 32:17)
• I am precious and honored in His sight. (Isaiah 43:4)
• He will never leave me [or my husband or my kids or my friends or family] or forsake me. (Deuteronomy 31:8)
• He gives me rest when I am weary. (Matthew 11:28)

His promises are rocks to cling to. I need a lot of reminding. But every time I feel like I've failed, he picks me up and dusts me off and reminds me again of who I am and who He is. He reminds me of all I have to be thankful for. My actions can never take him by surprise. The circumstances around me cannot either. Nothing is off his radar.

So when I feel those emotions swirling up in my spirit, I want to remember to just rest. Be still. Rest in the promises of the Almighty God. He holds it all in his hands.

For this, I am thankful:)

Living in Him

Daylight savings time is not my friend. Every year it seems we have just gotten into a nice groove of the kids waking up a little after 7am, and then it hits. I knew it was coming, but somehow hoped this year we'd all actually enjoy the extra hour of sleep. It sort of took me by surprise that I was jolted out of bed by 4--yes, all 4--little voices at 6:00 on the dot.

You see, I make every effort I can to wake up before my kids. It's not at all something I do because of legalism or because I want to seem all spiritual. The Lord (and a dear friend) truly led me to this habit about 4ish years ago and ever since I have come to realize I need this morning time with Him. A chance to refresh in the quiet, to fill my spirit with the truth of God's Word and ask Him to guide my day, before little feet and loud voices come running my way.

I am so thankful for this morning time, but with four very young kids, it is not a guarantee. Yesterday was a prime example. I was sort of alarmed at my panic reaction when I realized I would not get a moment of quiet. I started thinking, "What if I can't get to my chair...I can't get my coffee and open my Bible before they get loud and unruly and someone needs to go potty (they would still be in their rooms until 7--rules!)...this day is totally ruined!"

My solution was to get in the shower to at least drown out the noise, and hope that it would be quiet when I got out. And God spoke to me in that time. He seemed to place the question on my heart, "Am I any less accessible when you don't get your morning quiet time in? Am I further away from you?" Of course, the answer is a big fat NO, but why don't I get it sometimes? I think I found the key is in seeking.

"Seek and you will find..." It is a common phrase found many places in the Bible. Maybe that is because I'm not the only one who needs to be reminded. Seek Him! Find Him! Seek the Lord in the morning quiet and in the chaos both. Seek Him in the laundry or bills piled up. Seek Him in the dirty dishes, the school books, the phone calls, the sickness, the family dynamics. Seek in the messy moments and the ones that go just as we planned (that happens on occasion).

"God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in Him we live and move and have our being." ~Acts 17:27-28

I will continue to be recharged through my quiet moments with God before this house starts buzzing. I know He will continue to provide those moments, though they may be interrupted at times. Lord help me figure out what it truly means to seek you in every moment of my day, to truly live and move and have my being in you, even when the morning quiet is scarce.

Turning 1!

Where has the year gone? I know that time flies as children grow, but seriously, the first year just zooms past. Maybe part of that is the slight fog of exhaustion we're in for 6 weeks or so after the delivery, or maybe just the fast pace of development, one milestone after the next. Whatever it is, we are so thankful for the life of this littlest boy in our family.

 

Joshua is very energetic (wonder where he gets that from!). And he is also very opinionated and feisty. Did I say feisty? I mean...passionate. He knows what he wants, and he is going to go after it with everything he's got in him. He's the one who was the hardest birth so far. He had the hardest time sleeping at night (until the Lord graciously taught him how at around 9 months). He is a stubborn napper. And he still has a very hard time every day around 5-7 pm!! But God makes up for all the hard parts in how amazingly cute He made him :)

He loves to play with anything that is not marketed as a baby toy! He loves the dishwasher, tupperware, crayons (eating them), paper (ripping or eating it) and just about anything in the bathroom (yes, he's the first one to actually stick his hand into the toilet and splash around--disgusting!). He loves being outside, even if it means his little knees get a little scraped up. He likes to climb just about anything. He is a funny eater, with black bean lasagna being his ultimate favorite so far! He also loves yogurt, and hates getting to the last bite. By the way, yes, this is how he ate his cake at his birthday party. Face first. I think he's a fan of frosting!

He's beginning to do that "baby language" thing, talking like we all understand what he's saying, with his hand up in the air for emphasis, usually. He's always calling for his brothers when they're not around. He loves to smile anytime the camera points to him. He is an awesome snuggler, and always hugs my neck so tight and lays his head down in relief when I pick him up out of his crib. He loves to laugh and be tickled or thrown into the air. And he loves, loves, loves for mommy to hold him anytime she's in the kitchen fixing a meal;)

 

We are so thankful for this year we have had with Joshua. May the Lord draw him close and may he seek after him with all of his heart, all of his days.

 

 

Faith mixed with fear {It's all about Jesus}

Life is confusing. Life is hard. Some days I wonder what it would be like to walk around and not feel burdened when I see brokenness, hurting and sin. What is it like to think that this is all there is, this world? I'm not saying I take all the world's "wrong" on my shoulders. I know it is not my burden to bear. But it does affect my heart. I long for a day that it will all be made right. I long to be free from fears that affect my soul.

Walking out faith seems like the hardest thing to do. And it's not made easier by a grande pumpkin spice latte (though that is very yummy!). Where can I turn when I am down or discontent? Where should I go when I feel sad? Where can I run when I am mad? Who should I seek when I am afraid? There is only one sure answer.

I cannot explain why things happen the way they do. I cannot fix all the broken things. I cannot win all the battles that wage in my soul, or the souls of ones I love...as hard as I want to "try."

It all comes down to Jesus.

Some may think that answer and this message is too simple, too churchy, or maybe just too naive. But the only solid place I have ever found to go is to the Lord. He hears every cry, every prayer whispered. He speaks powerfully through his word and in his creation. The only way to discern his voice is to lay down myself and seek Him in surrender. This is what I want my kids to know.

Life is confusing, and we are messy people. But God is faithful and mighty and absolutely in control. No matter what.

I may battle fear mixed with doubt all my life (among many other things). But our God is bigger, and he is fighting for me. I just have to get out of the way and let him, even when it feels like I cannot see. That is Faith.

"The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest." ~Exodus 14:14

Turning 3!

It seems like yesterday this boy entered into this world, with a ton of dark hair on his head and a snuggly little body in my arms. Then a year passed...

Then two...





And now three...

And now he has since grown up to be wild! Much like his brothers...but with a little twist. This little one is his own boy. Gifted with humor and silliness, he can make anybody smile. He's almost always happy. We call him doodle and that suits him just fine. He loves to play outside and be with his brothers. He loves to read and imagine and defeat the bad guys. He loves the color orange. He loves lions, tigers, trains, oatmeal, peanut butter & jelly and bananas. His favorite songs are "Jesus loves me," "Joy to the World" and the timeline song (thanks to CC). Our lives would be dull without him. God knew what he was doing when he gave us David :)

Happy Birthday little guy. We love you!

Lessons from the beach

So we returned from a wonderful trip to the beach one week ago. The boys had the time of their lives. They were loving every minute of swimming, boogie boarding, digging in the sand, searching for sand creatures, and even playing with their pretend "hermit crab island" in the house when it was raining outside. Tom & I enjoyed the time to "just be" together, rather undistracted, and to enjoy God's creation and our family. And of course, while there, I pondered a few lessons I think God was teaching me (or reminding me of) along the way...

• Being thankful is a choice. Going to the grocery store while everyone else in the family puts their toes in the sand on the first beautiful evening is not the most fun, and neither is sitting in a house for hours without power, waiting to see if all the food we just bought for the week is about to spoil. But even in a grumbly state, I can pray, and I can see a mighty God change my heart and turn it toward the light, to see the bessing in the sunset as I drive over the bridge or the peace in the quiet stillness that exists during naptime in a house without power. He is good, and He always provides a way of gratitude, if I let him.

 

• There is beauty in the ordinary. Being away from home brings a simpler environment (usually). Less demands, Less distraction. More quality time. As we filled our days with running in the waves, building sand creations, catching fish, reading and taking naps, it reminded me to breathe. It made me wonder why or how I can spend so much energy feeling overwhelmed or frazzled when we're at home. Really, what do I have to worry about? "Do not be anxious...for your heavenly father cares for you, provides for you, protects you." (based on Matthew 6:25-32) I want the simple life, the ordinary life. To let peace rule in our home, NOT anxiety, worry, fear or frustration.

 

• I take my family for granted. The Lord has blessed me with this amazing family. My husband loves us with a passion. Our children are growing works in progress who are full of beauty, energy and joy. I want to treasure my moments with them. I want to put down the to-do list more and sit with them. I want to release the "mess" of my house and the disorder that looms, and be in their world more often. I realized when I ran & jumped in the ocean one day, the looks on my kids' faces showed that it seemed a bit out of character for mommy to have so much fun. They loved it! I want to enjoy them now. We are not guaranteed years, or even really days, but we have right now. The Lord has ordained this family for us to live and learn and laugh and love together--striving toward Him, and serving Him all the while. The days are sometimes hard, but they are treasures of God's weaving, that we can unlock together. I pray the Lord will help me see the treasure of my family more clearly and be able to enjoy them more fully.

 

• The waves may be bigger than us, but God is always bigger than the waves. This was a truth we talked about daily. This was really the first year that our kids really wanted to swim in the ocean. In past years they have been content in the little tidal pools, or just digging in the sand with the occasional jaunt down to fill up a bucket. We wanted them to respect the ocean, with its immense strength, yet not succumb in weakness or fear of what may happen, thinking that they are just creatures of chance who are not perfectly cared for by the God of the universe. We gave them (hopefully) wisdom about how far to go, and they wore their armor (life jackets), but ultimately they had to face it on their own. They had to test out the waters. Isn't that just like parenting? We have to equip them, train them, walk right beside them holding their hand for a while, and then ultimately let them go, trusting the Lord with them, by faith. Whatever they may face may seem bigger than them in a lot of ways, but God is always bigger and He is mighty to save.

 

 

 

 

 

Milestones

Jack lost his first tooth...

Luke learned to jump off a diving board...

David is potty trained...

And Joshua can stand up and cruise around!

It's been a busy couple months! Praise the Lord for growing boys :)

What lurks behind

Why do we ignore our true selves sometimes? Why do we hide behind the superficial? Why is it so hard to truly recieve that everyday grace that Christ rose from the grave to give us? Life Abundant. I have been praying for revelation. And I think He has shown me that it is fear that lurks behind. Not necessarily the life-threatening fear, but little fears that creep in slow and alter my behavior in such a sneaky way that I don't even realize what's going on. 


Fear of messing up these little lives 
Fear of not being the wife he signed up for
Fear of what "they" think of me
Fear of not fitting in
Fear of that other person making a poor choice because of something I fail to do
Fear of that circumstance if it doesn't work out "just so"
Fear of change
Fear of unknowns
Fear of them not seeing God because of me...


Here's an example of a recent time when I realized that fear was lurking. I was about to put the boys down for nap/rest times. One said he was still hungry and asked for something to eat. Then he found a cookie and wanted that. I said no [secretly deep down i have a fear that he might tend toward eating as a stronghold, and that one day he'll struggle with his weight or health because of it]. Then another child asks if he can have a quiet time instead of nap. I say no [i fear what he will be like at 6:00 when we're having friends for dinner if he does not sleep now]. Another child gets up soon after laying down and opens his door & goes potty as loudly as he can. I get angry with him [i fear the baby will wake up]. The baby wakes up after only an hour and I am extremely frustrated [i fear that he is not getting the rest he needs to be healthy...and he will also be a mess at 6:00].


Now these are all sort of silly examples from mommyhood, and I don't live there all the time. But if I truly think about it and become aware of what lurks underneath, I realize that things I do and say can be impacted greatly by these hidden fears. And this is not where freedom lies.

                                       * see photo note                                                   

I've recently been reading Emily Freeman's Grace for the Good Girl. Wow do I relate to her powerful message. More than I realized I would. I guess I've always tried to be that "good girl." In the book, Freeman says, "God's desire is that we live in freedom and drink from the wide, deep, powerful river of Life. The masks we hide behind keep us from experiencing the fullness of life the way we were meant to live it."


I want to live that freedom, experience that fullness. Lay it all down. All the masks. All the fears. Only His perfect Love can cast out fear. If I could truly let go with no strings [to the fear] and then hold on with reckless abandon [to the Hope...the Grace...to Jesus]. It is not just about what He died for, but also why He rose from the grave triumphant, victorious, full of Life. Ready to give life to those who believe. Not physical life, but spirit life. The kind that really matters.

"Jesus came to save me from myself...from my self-effort. He didn't just die for my sin to give me forgiveness; he rose again to give me life." ~Emily Freeman

I am realizing I cannot teach my children to recieve grace until I learn to do it myself. Until I lay down these earthly fears and worries that lurk behind and trust fully, daily in the One who can free me from them.  There is true rest in that faith. Receiving His grace for my failures. Letting his peace rule. Living in His righteousness and love. Not trying to create it with my own two hands.

*photo of a beautiful work of art given to me & originally made by the hands of a very dear friend, Lara Williams

VBS truths

We love Vacation Bible School! This past week we had the privilege of helping and participating in VBS at our church. It was truly a blessed time. I can't tell you how 'filled full' I felt as we would drive home in the car and the boys were belting out the songs, going crazy doing the motions in the back and in between songs eagerly telling each other what they did that day in their "tribes." The theme was a visit back to Babylon as we learned about Daniel's life in captivity, and how he truly did live out a life of faith despite some very difficult circumstances. 


Some of the truths we will hide in our hearts are:


 ~God is in control...Daniel had some major things change in his life and could have been very depressed about that, but he chose to stand firm on the Rock that never rolls, our Awesome God.
~He's only a prayer away...Maybe one of the lesser known stories about Daniel is that he was called on to interpret the King's dreams more than once, and he was told that if he couldn't tell him his dream and interpret it, he'd be cut into pieces. Great. So, that seems nearly impossible. But Daniel did what he knew to do, he called on God for help, and God absolutely revealed those hidden things of the King's dreams. Amazing! So then why is it so hard for me sometimes to believe He is helping me when I call on Him in my everyday?
~When we're afraid, He is with us...A few of Daniel's friends got thrown in a fire when they wouldn't bow down to a statue. But guess what? They didn't get burned at all. Not even a hair on their head was singed. God can do that with any of the fiery trials & fears that we face. We can come through them without even smelling like smoke.
~We're never actually alone...Daniel must have felt pretty alone a lot in his life, always choosing to remain faithful to the Lord, despite the opposition and temptation to "fit in" with the mainstream (or even just to do something out of fear of losing his life!). It does seem lonely in this world sometimes when we choose to live our lives for God. We are actually aliens--the Bible confirms that (1 Peter 2:11)! But our Lord will never forsake or abandon us. 
~Being thankful invites God's presence & blessing..."I'm sure Daniel was pretty thankful when he didn't get eaten by the lions." (said by Luke on the last night of VBS) The Bible says that Daniel "prospered" after every time he chose to trust God when he could have run the other way or just cowered into a heap on the floor out of discouragement. Choosing to trust, to abide, to watch and wait and expect His work in our lives is truly a place of rest, of thanksgiving, of Joy. 


We were thankful to be a part of such an amazing week. God is faithful! Now onto potty training this week...;)

Lyrics to live by

This is sort of random, but we have been listening to this song a lot this summer, and the words really speak to me. I don't want to forget them...

Audience of One
by: Michael Weaver (Big Daddy Weave)

I come on my knees to lay down before You
Bringing all that I am, longing only to know You
Seeking Your face and not only Your hand
I find You embracing me, just as I am
And I lift these songs To You and You alone
As I sing to You In my praises make Your home

To my audience of one
You are Father and You are Son
As your spirit flows free Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise You

And now just to know You more
Has become my great reward
To see Your kingdom come
And Your will be done
I only desire to be Yours, Lord

So what could I bring to honor Your Majesty?
What song could I sing?
That would move the heart of royalty
And all that I have is the life that You've given me
So Lord, let me live for You, my song with humility

And Lord, as the love song Of my life is played
I have one desire
To bring glory to Your name

To my audience of one
You are Father and You are Son
As your spirit flows free
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise You

And now just to know You more
Has become my great reward
To see Your kingdom come
And Your will be done
I only desire to be Yours, Lord

When you just don't feel it

What to do on days when you just don't feel it? I asked myself this question this past Sunday. I really had no reason not to be happy. So much to be thankful for. So much God has done for me. Yet, I was sort of grumpy. I let everything possible weigh heavy on me. I did not feel spiritual, I was sceptical. I did not feel like I understood what God was doing, I was stubborn.

I have a child who tends to do this also. Some days he just makes this face all day long (except not staged, but for real!).

That's a nice face, huh?! But the thing is, how many of us walk around with our secret pain and don't wear it like this. Walk around with our grumpy but still respond with "fine" when asked how we are. It is probably more common than we realize.

I was pondering what my sin is on the days when I just don't feel the fullness of God all over me. I easily thought of the outward sins, like snapping at the kids or taking it out on my husband, but those are just symptoms of the underlying problem. The problem is deeper, residing in the heart. What's the root, I wondered. As we sang, "Thank you for loving me, thank you for finding me, thank you for hearing me..." in church that morning, I think I realized that unbelief is the root, with selfishness that sprouts up rapidly from it. And I had a choice to make.

I could choose to literally force myself to stand on the solid rock of Christ that moment, whether I felt it or not. I could choose to believe all that Christ has done for me, that I know I have accepted as truth. He is the way, He is the truth, HE IS THE LIFE. I could walk forward on that truth, and trust what He says to be true. He can do all things. He shines light into darkness. He truly does hear every cry of my soul. Every secret thought. Every secret ache of things gone wrong in this world. He is bigger. And He is absolutely in control.

I could choose to believe that, and lay my 'grumpy' in His hands, trusting that my feelings would eventually follow. Or I could choose to disbelieve, to groan, to wallow, and to continue on with the emphasis on "me, me, me." I think some people think that if you're a true Christian then you must never struggle with these things. That you feel the Spirit all over you all the time, and certainly on Sunday morning during worship. You shouldn't ever doubt or feel like you have to literally will yourself to have faith. I know I used to think that. But that's just not reality. Some days we do have to make ourselves believe. It is a choice.

Maybe faith like a child doesn't have to look happy all the time. It just has to be real. Honest. Trusting. Yielding. Taking it all to our Father. Letting go.

Jesus never sinned, but he did feel. He felt compassion, sorrow, anger, pain. He even felt like he didn't want the cup he'd been given... He had emotions, just like we do, yet He always chose to believe God. He always chose life over destruction. To stand on the Rock.

I am thankful God hears me. Thankful he sees my soul on the secret grumpy days, and He sees me on the days that I feel His fullness evident from the very start. I think maybe he rejoices when I choose to believe Him either way. I know that His grace pours down and covers me, regardless. What amazing grace.

Maybe when we choose life, and to have faith like a child, we can also get over things a little quicker, lighten up a little more easily, and walk on...with that smile on our face.

"This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live..."

~Deuteronomy 30:19

Letting go, being brave and grace for the little ones

Last week this oldest boy turned 6 years old!!! He is truly a gracious gift from God. He had a great birthday surrounded by family and friends, and ending it watching fireworks out a dark window of the bedroom, with us looking on. We reminisced how 6 years ago we stared out another dark window--of a hospital room--holding his tiny little body in our arms, not having any idea how our lives were about to be changed forever.

We are proud of Jack for many reasons, but recently he's had a couple of moments that have stood out. He's processing things differently these days, and learning to let go a little.

He has always been our little 'collector.' His bed is always full of little trinkets, cards, papers, animals, tags, etc. When we take his sheets off there is usually at least one or two items that take a little swim in the washing machine unintentionally. In his years of collecting, he has sometimes had an especially hard time letting go of things. Even if it seems like trash to us, it is usually a treasure to him. On one particular day a couple weeks ago his treasure of the moment was a tiny angry bird pencil-topper. He had carried it with him everywhere for at least 48 hours. Until he let it leave his sight for a moment...and the dog decided to move in and eat it. No joke. She doesn't chew on many of the kids' toys, but if she wants to she can really destroy something in no time flat (you could never tell by this sweet face, right?!).

I heard crying in the backyard, looked out and he was mumbling something about his angry bird and "Lily ate it." I braced myself for the coming wrath that would probably ensue. Like I said, he usually doesn't let things go easily, and he probably would very shortly be demanding we get him another one and right now, and then cry for the rest of the morning when I said no... But he didn't! He had that little cry, then we talked about how disappointing it is when we lose something, and he moved on. Oh my goodness! He moved on! It might not seem like a big deal, but for this little boy, it was monumental. He is learning not to cling to 'stuff' in this world. And so am I...still! I pray that we would store up our treasures not on this earth, but in Heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy (Matthew 6:19-21).

Luke recently had a brave big boy moment of riding on a horse! It was really cool because I could almost see the turmoil within as he decided whether or not to ride. The horse was big. And I could tell he was scared, though I don't think someone who doesn't know him would have noticed. All by himself, though, he resolved to get up there and just do it. I don't think he particularly loves horses. In fact, as much as I would love it if they did, I don't think any of our boys have taken to a true love (or slight obsession) for animals just yet. So it was amazing. He just got up there and rode away from me, and didn't even look back. And he was of course VERY excited to tell Daddy all about it when he got home ;)

This little 2 year old boy sometimes seems like he is about 16. He can talk back like a teenager, like when he is told to stop doing something and he promptly replies with, "Mommy, you stop doing that!" But he loves fiercely too. He is passionate and strong. He is hilarious. And though he doesn't really have a desire to do what is right (yet), hearing what he says after being disciplined for the umpteenth time for getting out of bed (instead of sleeping) at naptime is precious. He prays to God, "Thank you, God, for David. Help me to do what is right and listen to mommy and stay in my bed. Amen." I hope I never forget his little mousy toddler voice saying those words, straight from his heart. And I know that one day he will realize that God honors that prayer and will give him the strength he needs to do what is right.

Joshua is 9 months old! He is growing wilder by the minute. He can crawl super fast now, and is starting to get into anything and everything that comes across his path. I've found him in the dog water, playing with the plunger (ewww!), and he's even made a journey down from the top of the staircase (thanks be to God that he was completely fine after that adventure). So, we have another explorer on our hands. And he's not going to miss a thing;)

Here are a few more pictures from recent days. Trying to count the blessings amidst moments of crazy chaos in this house, as we are experiencing grace upon Grace. And trying to practice the presence of our Almighty Creator in our everyday 'stuff.'

 

 

 

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Putting the Armor on

In this house, there are many battle scenes going on at any given time. Sometimes (on good days) it is 3 brothers fighting as a team against their imaginary enemy; sometimes it's one of those brothers against another (on a not so good day). And still other times it's this weary mama, trying to fight those spiritual battles of my flesh that try to creep in and destroy my day.

I have been giving much thought to this putting on armor thing, especially now that my husband decided to make the boys some all-out swords and shields (from duct tape, no less!), and it seems they are constantly running around in a battle. Their focus has been mainly on getting the bad guy. Sometimes, they are even talking to each other about "fighting Satan." Thankfully they don't fully understand what that means yet (do any of us?) but it is real to their little minds, and they always have him beat.

I, on the other hand, often feel like I am in a losing battle in this world. I'm tired of living in defeat. I spend many moments lingering over failures and feeling shame or guilt over one mess-up or another. I spend many moments trying to be better, or if I am really honest, am I trying to earn grace? Maybe I just need to stop trying. I was recently confronted with the concept of "imputed righteousness." I say confronted, because I believe I sort of knew what the concept meant, it was packed away somewhere deep inside when I first came to know the Lord, but I needed it to hit me smack in the face once again, so that maybe I could really get it this time.

Imputed righteousness is the righteousness of Christ that is completely placed on us through faith. That is, we can do nothing to earn it or to make ourselves "more righteous" than we already are. We can do NOTHING! Not even fight those battles. They are not ours to fight. God looks at a child who has declared him Lord and sees only righteousness, not every sin laid bare, not every failure or mistake. He sees the blood of Jesus, clothing us with a robe of righteousness.

"I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness." ~Isaiah 61:10

I am trying to change my view of how I wear this armor. Starting my day with the battle in mind, but coming before the Lord with a surrendered heart first. Fixing my eyes not on the enemy, but on the One who is my hope in victory, over anything that threatens. Literally, I'm trying to picture in my mind that robe of pure white that adorns me, as His mercies fall new with the start of each day. That I am lifting up myself, and He is the one adorning me with his armor, preparing me for the day's battles, and fighting them for me as I keep my eyes fixed on Him. When my eyes tarry--and they certainly will, as I am prone to wander--I can simply call on His strength to turn them back, to lift my shield of faith for me, to give me the sword of the spirit, which is the Word. David never defeated Goliath on his own, with the Lord as his back-up. No, those stones flew in the name of the Lord God Almighty. They were His stones. And that is why Goliath was defeated.

I pray for our boys that they may have a right view of who they are in Christ. Somehow may we impart on them how He sees them, how He is for them. And may they yield their weapons to Him, that they may never try to fight their battles on their own.

"This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s." ~2 Chronicles 20:15

God is surely alive

I've been meaning for a little while now to write a blog post on prayer. We've had many ups & downs in trying to teach our boys how to pray. Some days frustrated, feeling like nothing is getting through to them (as they do somersaults and jump around the room while we're trying to pray before bed)...and then other days being floored by the maturity of how they pray. Lately it's been more the latter, thankfully. It's amazing to see their little hearts. Jack & David often pray thankful prayers, listing off many things and people that they are thankful to God for. And Luke almost always prays like this before bed, "God, thank you for this day. Help me to do what is right and serve you and praise you every day. Amen." :)

The thing that prompted me tonight to write this post is the crazy day we've had, and the amazing proof of how faithful and incredibly alive God really is. We started off with church, then coming home to the boys going crazy as usual when they get unleashed from the car and are waiting for us to fix lunch. They were on the back porch playing, and we're not exactly sure what happened, but Luke started running toward the door into the house, tripped and fell face-first into the brick stairs. Ouch! He came in bleeding, his nose literally looking smashed in between his eyes (sorry for graphics). Next thing we knew we were in the ER...

The thing I wanted to share, so that we do not forget, is the power of prayer and God's faithfulness today. As we were waiting for my mom to come over, Luke was crying on my lap (screaming, actually) and Tom had already called the other boys over and prayed over him. Luke then calmed for a moment and then the pain hit again and he screamed again. I told him that it might hurt a little bit more as it heals, but God was with him and would heal him. That's when he decided to yell at me to pray for him. He wanted me to pray that it wouldn't hurt while it heals. So I prayed. And apparently I wasn't getting to the point fast enough because he yelled at me again as I prayed, "No, mommy, you're not praying for what I wanted." So I did. I prayed specifically that God would help it not to hurt him as the injury healed.

On the way to the ER, he continued to cry and complain about pain and discomfort because his nose was swelling more and more by the second. Then he just zonked out and fell asleep for about 10 minutes. When he woke up, I am not kidding you, he was a different kid. He did not complain one bit. He told everyone at the hospital all about his 3 brothers, their names and ages. He was polite. He was compliant. He was not in pain. It was amazing. And though Tom & I both saw with our own eyes how his bone was crushed right after the injury, the doctors found no deviation in his nasal septum when they checked him out. Meaning that it might not even be badly broken. Insane!

As I asked Tom whether he thought we should give more pain medicine to Luke before bed, it started to sink in. He's not in pain while he's healing. His specific prayer was answered. This could have gone so differently today. But God...

I don't know why we were supposed to have this kind of day. It may seem small to some, but maybe we just needed to "feel" God in some way. Maybe Luke needed a specific incident early in his life to remember when God had faithfully answered his prayer in such a tangible way. 

I don't know. But I do know this. Our God is surely alive. And is always working on our behalf.

I won't go into the rest of our day after coming home from the hospital...just that it involved taking care of 6 kids under age 6, trying to keep up with the playing and appetites of these little ones all while trying to keep Luke somewhat calm (which, if you know him, is a joke!). Again, God was faithful. And now we are tired :)

Love sums it up

Why can't we all just love one another?!?

I must say it 100 times a day. "Love your brother. Honor him above yourself." And sometimes it might not come out as calm and nice-sounding, but more like, "Stop being so selfish!"

We tell them that they will be blessed as they obey God, and will have consequences as they choose to disobey. Well, guess what? So will grown-ups! So do I.

I don't know why but I have been flooded recently with the idea of 'loving my neighbor'. Maybe it's because I'm studying the book of James, and he is serious about not just having a "believing faith" but a "doing faith." If we're not living it, James would say, we're probably actually not even believing it.

I've also been flooded with the concept of how we love other people, especially when it's hard. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says if you only love those who love you, what good is that? (paraphrase of Matthew 5:46) It may seem I can start my day full of the Spirit, ready to pour out that love onto everyone around me, but then when the people actually come into view, and they start doing things that I didn't expect and don't really like, that love tank empties out fast. I get offended...and hurt. And hurt people hurt people.

But if we all would remember that concept then maybe it would actually be easier to love and have grace for others. We are all hurt people. We can't walk out our front door most days without having felt some ounce of hurt from something someone has done or said (whether it was that day or even years before). Our human minds and emotions do not let go that quickly. If we could look beyond ourselves, though (talking to myself here), then we would realize we are all hurting in some way. We do not have any idea what it's like to be someone other than ourselves. So we really cannot know what another person is struggling with or hurting from. And nothing and no one can truly bring healing except Jesus.

That is how I want my kids to respond when they are hurt. I know their hurts right now mostly amount to a toy being grabbed away from them, or sand getting in their eye, but I want them to think of that other person, and pray. No matter what their hurt might be, that other person is hurting too. Deep down in our souls there is a God-shaped hole in everyone, and when that is not filled with the Lord, then we are bound to live out of selfish tendencies...which leads to not loving others.

What would this world be like if we all had grace for one another? Praying for each and every person who "wrongs" us, instead of instantly accusing and judging, standing up for our rights and retaliating (even if it's just in our thoughts). Not excusing sin or justifying it in any way, but leaving it up to God to be the righteous judge that he is.

Maybe that's why Jesus said, "If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love...and my command is this: LOVE ONE ANOTHER!!" (emphasis added, John 15:10,17)

Parental gem mining {moments of brilliance}

This parenting thing is hard. And in this house we seem to go through seasons where it feels like it's truly kicking our tail! Thankfully, I think we are slowly coming out of one of those now. Maybe a lot of the intensity of it had to do with sleep deprivation, but whatever the source, the enemy was frequently trying to use it to bring us down, to make us wonder if we were doing anything right. But God... He's constantly working, and constantly refining. When we open our eyes, we can see the blessings, always there, just sometimes in disguise. Like a gem waiting to be discovered under the dirt and grime.

We recently discovered that Jack is wired for responsibility. Imagine that! God designed him to be the biggest brother in not a small family. And He has equipped him to help care for his little brothers. We've seen that it gives him some sense of purpose, and he even seems to enjoy it. We got advice from some friends about a month ago to let the oldest dress the youngest sometimes, even at their young ages. And so we tried it one day and asked him to dress David, and lo and behold, he could do it, and well! He even put a diaper on him. So now it's become a semi-regular occurence. And most of the time they end up having fun in the process...or Jack ends up learning how frustrating it can be when someone chooses not to listen. Both outcomes work in our favor (usually). And when he's just having a bad day, we've discovered that giving him a task like helping feed the baby, helps bring him out a little bit and get him thinking about something other than his own comfort for the moment. It's been a beautiful thing to see, and a nice help to me too ;)

Luke's moment of brilliance came to me about a week and a half ago when I took him out on a "date." I know he is mostly an upbeat child, but it just hit me that he is just plain excited about life. It is not hard to get him all out enthusiastic about something. He tends to just jump right in. I mean, our date was consisted of a little cup of ice cream & some shopping, and you would've thought I was taking him to see the Super Bowl! Every Friday since he started playing soccer this season, he asks me what time his game will be the next day, and then he tells me that he wishes he was in the car already on the way there because he loves to play soccer SO much. And when he talks about how much he loves his baby brother, he cannot contain himself. He loves him SO much, he says, that he even wants to sleep in his crib with him! It's a blessing to see this boy be so excited about life. May it always be to the glory of God.

David is just plain funny. He is such his own person, we could never fit him into a mold. He also has an amazing excitement about life. He just makes us laugh. One of those rough parenting moments recently was occurring around dinnertime, as is common in a house with young ones. And after disciplining someone for getting out of their chair, and someone else for not eating and being rude, we look over and David decided to put his shirt like this. I don't think we knew whether to laugh or cry. We decided laughing would be the better option. We're thankful for the way God has wired him to lighten things up when things are getting a little too serious around here.

Joshua learned how to sleep this week!!! There is no explanation, nothing different we did. It is absolutely to the glory of God alone. Our prayer for many weeks now, every night laying hands on his little head, is that the Lord will teach him how to sleep and get the rest his body needs. Relinquishing control. We tried everything we could possibly have done...and then we just let go. And slowly, over the past week or so, the wakings decreased, the crying became less, and 2 nights ago he actually slept an entire 11 hours straight! Now that's a moment of brilliance if we've ever seen one :) Praise God!