Love...and a confession

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is LOVE: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ~I John 4:9-10

Happy Valentine's Day! Who doesn't love to celebrate love? It's what we were made for...to love and be loved. God is love. I used to get all into the cliche things about this holiday, and I couldn't wait to see who would send me a card or perhaps flowers or some chocolate. I do still like the "feelings" of Valentine's Day. It's just fun! But now it's really become another day to live out what I want to emphasize in our family every day. To know that God loves us and to in turn LOVE one another well! It's nice to have this one day each year to focus on it, though I think my kids are pretty much zoned out due to candy and chocolate overload already!

I wanted to take this opportunity in this post to also confess something. As I said, I desperately want to teach my kids what love means, and how much our God loves them. But I think I am in a season in my life where I need to learn it too. I have the head knowledge of God's love for me of course. I know where to find all the "love verses" in the Bible. But some things in my life recently have led me to believe that I need to take a break and truly bathe in and focus on that love and gain wisdom from all that it means. The confession I'm getting at is my tendency towards addiction...being "sucked in"...to the internet. I felt the Lord has been laying something big on my heart about this for a while now. I know that this is not everyone's struggle, but I am one who has a very hard time concentrating as it is (perhaps an undiagnosed ADD, or maybe it is diagnosed...by my husband). And so when I get on the internet, I am just dead to the world around me. I get in this virtual world, and I ignore these precious little ones that have been given to my care. They call "Mommy, Mommy" and I say "Just a minute," over and over and over. It breaks my heart, even as it is happening. I start reading blogs or facebook and then those lead to other blogs or websites and before I know it I am deeply entrenched in these people's lives and their theologies...and then insecurities creep in about how I'm living my life and what I think of as truth...and all the while I'm neglecting to seek the One who has all the answers for me. My audience of One. It is me before God, it is you before God. I don't want to assume someone else's faith. I want to seek my Lord with an undivided heart.

So, anyway, for a time I'm going to lay low in this technological world. I don't know the exact details of what it is supposed to look like yet. God's still revealing that. And I'm not at all saying that the internet is evil. Please don't hear that & feel any sort of condemnation. The internet is an amazing tool that can be used for so much good in God's kingdom. I have been so encouraged and so blessed. But like anything good, it can also be twisted just enough to be used by the enemy to drive us out of the face-to-face realities we were called to be in, called to LOVE in. Everyone's struggles are different. This just happens to be one of mine.

I'll still be doing my thankful list. I write them all in a journal anyway, just in case the internet crashes and the blog is destroyed and I can never remember what I've been thankful for (no, not really). God is blessing abundantly, even as I write this. I heard recently there is healing in writing. I think that's true. So, thanks for listening to me rant on here a bit. I'm thankful for you, that person who takes a moment of their life to read about my heart. I'll be back :)

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293-318

293. a date with my husband
294. driving the wrong way...and then finding the right way
295. a nature walk in the cold
296. a scarf to warm his hands
297. it's okay to cry, you are still brave
298. peanut butter
299. restoration--constant restoration--of this holy temple
300. peace that prayer brings
301. the folding sheets game
302. 6 am wake up call
303. a good "just us" day
304. baby kisses
305. solid naps
306. a little boy coming out just to say he's not scared of anything
307. I Corinthians 13...said by boys brushing their teeth :)
308. car talks with God
309. chalk smears
310. bouncing a ball to hear his laughter
311. a night with very few calls
312. a day to play outside
313. doing something instead of just thinking it
314. Trust
315. a valentine drawing of "Daddy loves Mommy"

316. heart pancake smiles
317. confirmation of something God is nudging me to do (in this post)
318. a refreshing face-to-face interaction with a stranger

Theology of a three-year-old

This morning at the breakfast table, Luke decides to tell me: "Mommy, when I get to heaven, I'm going to eat lots and lots of muffins." Now, we were not sitting there pondering theological issues, and I hadn't even told him he couldn't have another muffin. To tell you the truth we were all just simply and quietly...eating. And I, with my hands wrapped snuggly around my beloved coffee cup, was completely surprised by this comment, said with a huge grin on his little face. "Well, Luke," I replied, "I think we probably will get to do a lot of things we really like to do in heaven. It's a wonderful place."

The conversation then spiraled on to a couple more comments about heaven and Jesus, and then his brother Jack chimed in and said, "Well, we're not going to heaven for a very long time." And then they all got down and went on their way to running and jumping and chasing and building...all those little boy things they like to do.

Why share this? I guess I have been suprised by the theology of our 3 year-old lately. He has been coming up with the most interesting questions, and totally out of the blue. He is such a fun-loving little guy. He loves a thrill. Most days when it's warm enough, you'll find him riding his bike full speed down the hill of our driveway and running smack into our metal fence at the end...on purpose! And then getting back up to do it again. One day when he was doing what I just described he asked me if I thought God was as mighty as his "super-fast" bike. I felt pretty sure (no, very sure) I could say "yes" to that one!

This morning's "discussion" spurred me to think of heaven, and the many other mysteries of God. It seems that a 3 year-old may understand them and accept them easier than a 30 year-old. Some days I just long for heaven or for Jesus to come back...for all to be made right, for no sickness or disease, no divorce or hurting relationships...to walk by sight, to see His face, to feel his arms. That longing, though, is too easily walled off and put on the back burner as I have to come back to earth, and a basket full of laundry, and move on. I guess part of me might find it hard to believe sometimes. In this world of so much hurting, what must heaven truly be like? It's so hard to imagine. Or if I try to compare it to the most amazing thing I can think of on this earth...can it really be better than that?

The mysteries of God. The faith of a child. I want to believe like that. Accept the mysteries. Walk without doubts. Some days I think I do. But then I'm reminded of something that's really hard. Someone walking through a situation that doesn't seem to be covered with grace, to my human eyes. And yet, His promises remain. That longing deep inside all of us remains. That God-shaped hole. That can only be filled by the One...always faithful...always raining down grace..always drawing us to Himself. May we have eyes to see, and accept, and be thankful for...the mystery.

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#258-290

258. God knows me
259. raw emotion
260. God isn't suprised by anything
261. our days are numbered
262. his care for me in the night
263. stepping out
264. trusting God with what He lays on my heart
265. His mighty hand of protection
266. a day of rest (and a husband who happened to be home that day)
267. that most days my body feels good
268. healing
269. a glorious morning
270. an amazing group of women
271. praises
272. encouragement for our family
273. solid teachers for our son
274. being a nurse has prepared me to not be too surprised by really gross stuff I encounter as a mom
275. he could laugh while getting an unexpected 2pm bath
276. these little ones who keep me grounded
277. freshly baked muffins
278. eggs for dinner
279. hands around a warm coffee mug
280. a playdate
281. his personality
282. yogurt & probiotics (can you tell we were dealing with some GI stuff?!)
283. a date with my little boy :)
284. the Sound of Music
285. a cast of students who truly give glory to God for their amazing gifts and talents
286. that he didn't throw up in the school bathroom
287. a little girl who let us thru
288. an attitude changed
289. small victories that make a huge difference
290. an afternoon of sweet fellowship
291. a quick trip to Target by myself (a rarity!)
292. his little toothy one-year-old smile